that was such a helpless feeling
yes, that is a lot of it...the helplessness. I have spent my conscious life trying hard to not be helpless, and here it is delivered to me anyway. I sometimes get angry at Difficult Child for the positions he puts me in.
I was the criminal. A room full of distraught, scared, grief stricken parents, relatives and friends and we're treated with disdain and a lack of common courtesy that I had not encountered before. I never went back, for me it was the stuff of bad T.V.
Yes, this is definitely the case. I was the criminal, as I find I often am in my interactions with systems around Difficult Child. That is hard. As with you, RE, I may well never go back.
I sat in that courtroom and cried for a long time.......I never do that kind of thing, I am someone who has enormous propriety and crying in public is not something I do..
I am very proper too, RE, in public. And I don't cry often. That was hard for me. I totally get what happened to you in court.
I don't think nuns wear open-toed shoes.
I love your ever practical Welsh approach!
The frustration of this non-visit would have led me to tears. I can be led to tears by the frustration of not being able to remove the packaging from something or not being able to get the lid off a jar, so driving miles to see my son and then being stopped because my toes were visible would have tipped me over the edge... a long way over the edge I think.
Yes, I can also come to tears of (it sometimes feels like rage) frustration over things that ...frustrate me. Add some emotional overtones and a generous dose of wasted time and effort plus a dollop of public humilation...and we are off and running.
What books has he read lately?
Great question! He read Unbroken, then asked for a detective novel in a series called Spenser for Hire (I am not much of a light reader but at one point I read all of those and loved them) so I sent him the first one, then his dad sent him Boys in the Boat, which is similar in length, tone, fact-based and triumph of flawed people over adversity...and is just a great gripping story.
He can't usually read a whole book. Often our 5 minutes on the phone are spent with him excitedly discussing a new chapter. So that has been great.
It is so unusual a way to be treated, when we go to see someone in jail. Before I went there, I was someone's mom, or someone's wife, or the lady who made such good brownies. But when I got there, no one even smiled at me, Echo
Yes, exactly. We become ciphers. We lose our humanity. And that is terrifying and angering, and a time that we are already scared, sad, and a bit pissed off. And vulnerable. Which I hate.
Oh, wait. This isn't very cheerful. Well, that's alright, Echo.
This encapsulates why I love you, Cedar. Your stream of consciousness in typing is just fantastic, and makes me feel like your sister.
The inhumanity is incredible. Our jail releases inmates at midnight the first minute they can be released. No money no transportation Just get off the property in ten minutes.
Our jail does that also. Difficult Child has been released at midnight with no shoes. The jail is just off a highway, about 10 miles from town. I think they MAY give him a token...but at least once he was released after the bus stopped running. It is insane.
Yes, COM. Terrified helplessness, like a mouse in front of a snake.
So court was , I think, good yestarday.
My SO, one of my younger sons (the other one is out hiking the Appalachian Trail for 2 weeks, which I think is very cool, and Difficult Child's twin is starting a teaching job in Phoenix), my ex husband (Difficult Child's dad) and his new, very nice but somewhat ditzy wife all came. The PD was VERY creative, and sat us down in all our supportive familiness, with the DA. Apparently our city has a mental health pathway which, IF the DA agrees, the felony charges are dropped, the "perp" (we'll call Difficult Child the perp for fun) stays in jail until a bed in the system opens, and there are a series of houses throughout the city with a few of these people and a case worker in them. The DA sets the rules (in this case with our input), and the perp appears in court at first every 2 weeks with his PD and a summary from the house manager addressing behavior and compliance with the rules. Poor performance = return to jail for a weekend or more. Good performance=longer gaps between visits. They can be "sentenced" to these houses, which are not locked down and which require jobs, attendance at counselling, drug testing, etc. for at least 2 and as much as 5 years, and there is a step up in responsibility and autonomy.
We sat in court and saw several of the other "perps" come through with their reports, some good and some bad. It as nice in that the courtroom sheriffs and staff seemed to know and welcome each one.
The DA agreed, which I think was masterful of the PD. Now the victims have to agree. According to the DA, since Difficult Child has agreed to potentially stay in jail LONGER THAN HE MIGHT IF HE WENT STRAIGHT TO TRIAL in order to get into theis system, he thinks the victims will agree and if not he can possibly override them.
It as a very very bright two hours in the history of my intersections with the court system. eVen if nothing pans out I felt really good about the PD and the DA, and my family (although ex kept weeping and his wife would rub his arm...I hate that. the weeping. I have nothing against men weeping, but he does it INSTEAD OF EVERY PLAYING A ROLE EVER. Thats all. Put some skin in the game and THEN you are entitled to weep. But I digress, and sound bitter! see, Cedar, I can also free associate.)
so that is where we are. I wish for all of us that we could find what sounds like is out there for our Difficult Child.s It sounds a bit like Oz, so we shall see, but this moment of hope, and the good intentions of the PD and DA, who normally do NOT work together but did yestarday, we lovely to see.
Echo
