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Thanks, Copa. When I hear your words “ what kind of decent parent...” it has much more impact than when I say it to myself. I can see that we have been through similar episodes with our children. I too worry about covid and how it is affecting her life, but no way would I let her live here...

Thanks for checking in. We haven’t heard from her since before Thanksgiving, the longest stretch in a long time. It’s so nice to not be badgered on a regular basis for money. Of course it makes my imagination work overtime- could this possibly mean she is taking steps towards a more responsible...

I appreciate you sharing your thoughts- this is such a lonely position to be in. We have such similar stories, and my daughter is also adopted. You named one of my big fears about seeing her- that it would make me feel terrible and change nothing about her situation. I wonder how I will know...

Thanks, Hugs. It helps so much to share these feelings with someone who understands. I don’t share things anymore with my friends- there is little they can say. I know they are sorry for me, and they are also busy enjoying their healthy adult children and growing grandkids. It’s hard to listen...

It’s been three years since we last saw our daughter, who is now 31. That was right before Christmas, right before she sent herself to rehab for the second time. We didn’t visit her that time, and when she got out she moved in with a new boyfriend about an hour away from us. We told her we...

I know exactly what you mean. After our daughter stole from us, lied and manipulat d us relentlessly, I simply ran out of words. Normal, loving mother words. After her first time in rehab, when we helped her rent a room and get back on her feet, I tried. I would meet her for supper, take her...

Thanks you all for your supportive statements. They reinforce what my therapist tells me and what I already know, but hearing them again from all of you helps so much! Her asking for $50 is just like when she was actively using (but we didn’t realize it) , so I am not tempted to go down that...

Hi Everyone, I haven’t posted in a long while, but frequently turn here for a lift when things get rough. My daughter, almost 30 now, has been challenging since age 14, when she started cutting. She was diagnosed bipolar at 20, and for awhile seemed to be on the right path, taking her medications...

My husband and I just said no to our only daughter. She was pleading for $1200 to pay back child support for a toddler who has been in foster care for a year while she did rehab and was supposed to get a job, see a psychiatrist. She has done neither. Now she says she will go to jail if she...

Hi Eliz, Sorry things have unraveled for you and your daughter. It is so very hard to get our hopes up only to have our kids relapse. I just this morning disconnected the home phone so I would not have to receive her demanding, outraged calls. My daughter had a baby over a year ago, even...

My 29 year old daughter called yesterday, and I answered- I haven’t communicated with her in months. It was deja vu- she was pleading for money, a room, to come stay here with her boyfriend. She s cold, she’s hungry, she’s going to die from hypothermia, none of her friends can believe how awful...

My husband responded to my daughter yesterday telling her there would be no money. If the eviction thing is legit, then she and her boyfriend need to find a way to be in a stable situation before they bring a child home. Of course my daughter doesn’t look at things that way. She will blame all...

Thanks Okie and New Leaf. I needed to hear it from people who have been through it. Telling it to myself just doesn’t have the same effect. You have helped me in my resolve to say no and keep the boundaries in place. Maybe I can sleep a little tonight.

I actually thought we had establoshed firm boundaries with my 28 year old daughter, but alas .... After leaving rehab in January she has been living with a guy we never heard of. Her baby was placed in foster care ( we declined to take him in). We thought maybe her desire to regain her child...

Thanks, Newstart. I like what you said about your actions speaking louder than words. I will hope and pray that my silence is having the effect that my years of words have not. I’m not holding out much hope, but I need to keep reassuring myself that it’s okay to just leave the situation alone...

Thanks, Leafy. Your reply is a real comfort. I too will strive to stay I loving detachment.

Hi Everyone, I have had very little communication with my 28 year old daughter since she got out of rehab in late January and it’s been a time of comparative peace for my husband and me. She has stopped her almost constant demands for money ( pre rehab) and is living about an hour away with...

Hi Sherydoc, When my daughter was 23 she had been struggling with issues for years and turning our home upside down with her behavior, but we didn’t kick her out. I think now that was a HUGE mistake on our part. Though at the time I couldn’t bear the thought of her on the street, it may have...

“Somewhere”- you have said what I was trying to push to the back of my mind. By suggesting the bus/ train option to her, which would be inconvenient and long, I guess I was hoping she would do it, which would show her resolve to do whatever it took to get the baby. But, of course, she is 28 and...

Thank you all. I guess you know how much it helps to tell my story and receive your support. Despite my newfound “ detachment” I needed to hear that I was doing the right thing by keeping my boundaries. Honestly I think my detachment is largely a result of just being too emotionally and...