11-21-08 cd board invite a lurker day

[Marguerite]

Welcome, livinlife and Numina.

I understand the panic and despair you can feel when the Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) label is given to you. We were given a very pessimistic prognosis for difficult child 3, it was really upsetting and scary. I had mother in law with me and she was in denial as well as angry at the negative things we had been told about her darling, 'perfect' grandson. So I couldn't cry all the way home like I wanted to and needed to.

But I've since found - I am comfortable with this diagnosis, I am almost happy with it, given the possible alternatives. My kids are growing into not just adaptable human beings, but exceptional ones who have potential in so many ways. It's taking them a bit longer, but they are thoroughly nice people. And other people tell us this, it's not just a biased mother.

Today was difficult child 1's wedding day - we never thought he would ever be able to manage a stable relationship with someone to this extent. But today he gave a speech, he was the centre of attention with his bride - I'll have to change my sig now, she's still there as girlfriend) and is off on the first holiday he's ever had without a supervising adult with him for support. Just him, and his new wife. They will be away for two weeks - he's NEVER been away from home for so long before, and now he's doing it all, all at once.

Numina, I can help you with the writing for school problems. We went through this really badly with difficult child 1. Funnily enough, difficult child 3 who is the one with the serious communication issues and language delay CAN write an imaginative story for school.

I'll write more when I can, I'm so very tired after our very big day and the days leading up to it. I have written about these things before, so while you wait why don't you both go back through old posts and see what you can find? Use keywords to help you search. There is good info out there, there is so much you can do to help your child at least as well as all the specialists and therapists combined, all the info gleaned from other parents who have been there before you.

Again, welcome!

(I'm off to bed. G'night!)

Marg

 

[Andy]

Welcome Best I Can, Livin Life, and Numina!!!

Now, Any lurkers that were unable to post yesterday, (perhaps too busy, needed more time to think about it, or not on exept weekends) I think we can extend the invite for today.

Best I Can - I do remember your occassional postings. Thank you for being the first lurker to come forward and showing others that it really isn't that hard, "Hi, I am _______, and I am a proud lurker"

Livin Life - I hope you feel the support of your latest post.

Numina - Wow - to not even suspect the diagnosis - that is hard. However, that was made by one person and as you learn more about it, you will know/feel if it is correct. You live with difficult child 24/7 and can see things that the professionals do not. If you are comfortable with it, than a diagnosis will open doors for help that otherwise are locked so tight that even with the diagnosis can be hard to open.

 

[ThreeShadows]

Could someone please tell me what I am doing wrong? I have just poured my heart out, pressed "preview post" and POOF it disappeared. It says I am not logged in, though I have!

 

[ThreeShadows]

Wow! I'm in!
This is my third attempt at posting...

I am a looooong time lurker who is twinkled pink by Star's generous invitation to come out of the shadows.

I want to tell all of you warriors how very grateful I am for the existence of this board and for the fact that you all are willing to be supportive of others dealing with difficult child issues.

Until three years ago we were living in a small town in Western Maine. There are many emancipated minors who are totally out of control, entire public housing blocks are empty of adults. These emancipated minors told our difficult child 2 that our family had too many rules. He started to run away, do major drugs and shoplift, got food stamps. Lived on the streets, in a car, etc.

During our years of struggle we consulted 5 shrinks, many tdocs and SWs.
A huge issue for me was my isolation from parents who were in our situation. I am very vocal about my needs. Not a single professional told me of this board.

I called all around about joining a Tough Love group, was told none existed in our area (I was willing to do a 3 hr. round trip!). Again, no one spoke of you.

I became familiar with the police force of two towns, was told they could not help with difficult child 2 until he was a threat to himself and others. I couldn't bring him home but we were responsible for any damage he might do! I asked both police chiefs to give my name to any parent who was in my situation. I knew there were a few because the officers were telling me they were fed up with all the overempowered teens in both towns. I thought we could join up to make some changes. No one came foward. It seemed so un-american to accept such total helplessness. Again, no one told me of your existence.

I humiliated myself all over our community, became an open book, which was dangerous because my husband was a doctor at the small 50 bed hospital and everyone knew us. I begged for help and support. No one mentioned this board.

If anyone here has read Augusta Gone there are many similarities with our experiences with difficult child 2. Then, after getting a quack diagnosis of "Reward Deficiency Syndrome", I googled "conduct disorder" and there you were! No matter what they wanted me to believe, I wasn't alone and powerless.

I want to humbly tell you that, if it were not for your will to fight for your families, I might have died. I know now how to detach, I know that I was not responsible for our son's three year long couch surfing ride.

Thank you for giving me back my life and my sanity. God bless you all.

 

[flutterbee]

Reward Deficiency Syndrome??? Wow. I'm just speechless.

I'm so sorry for the long, hard road you've had to endure alone. I'm glad you found us. Kudos to you for not giving up and for trying so hard to reach out to others. These experiences with our kiddos leave us raw and we wear our hearts on our sleeves, desperate for some kind of support, hope, a shoulder to lean on. We often find ourselves going to great lengths to try to find that, but most of us have found that the general population just doesn't understand. Which leaves us feeling lost and often consumed with guilt and feelings of inadequacy.

How old is your son? Is he currently living at home?

Welcome to the board.

Welcome all lurkers. Glad you've joined us.

 

[Andy]

Three Shadows - Welcome! So glad you came even after it seemed the door shut on you. Computers! They have a mind of their own sometimes. I also have times when my posts disappear. I think my fingers slip? Anyway, it is frustrating. Seems like the longer my posts, the easier it is for them to go no where.

You are a true warrior mom to fight so hard and long. I hope to see you here more often.

What does Reward Deficiency Syndrome mean? It sounds like those two towns are really experiencing the true results of "parent's are not allowed help to keep their kids safe but they are responsibile for what their kids do and say!"

 

[ThreeShadows]

Thank you for the welcoming words!

I did a sig. when I signed on but I don't know how to get it to appear. Could a kind soul instruct me, as I am not the brightest tulip in the flower bed when it comes to technology?

Reward deficiency syndrome :https://web.archive.org/web/20140420071127/http://serendip.brynmawr.edu/exchange/node/1662

The shrink never explained it to me, it's supposed to be rare, however said professional had diagnosed five kids in our community of 10,000 inhabitants with this condition, the "diagnosis du jour". Our SW just laughed! Our difficult child 2 has an identical twin who did not exhibit any such exotic mental problem.

 

[susiestar]

Hi to all of you who are just emerging from Lurkdom. I am glad you popped your heads up.

I don't think that police, teachers or even GPs actually KNOW about us. We are a privately owned board, owned by a very generous woman, previously owned by other generous women. So many of us really don't pass the name of this on to the professionals because we learned the hard ways that then those professionals have access into our posts, which can be a very bad thing, esp if the professional decides ti is the parent's fault for somehting. And some of us have had stalkers find us here, or have had others in our lives use what we post here in our need for support against us.

But we ARE here on the net, and I am glad you found us. and glad that we were able to help.

numina, a Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) diagnosis really does seem scary, esp if you didn't think anything was really that wrong iwth your child. I will say that a Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) diagnosis can really open doors to services for your child. And interventions now can contribute to a very positive outcome as adults. If I were you I would find a developmental pediatrican and/or a neuropsychologist to help you. The developemntal pediatrician can help find exactly the help your child needs to progress. And the neuropsychologist can do very specific tests to find out exactly what problems you child has.

Hugs to all!

 

[Ropefree]

Three Shadows! That's what I am talking about!!! You go on with that!!!
As a woman NO is one of my all time favorite words.
As a mother NO may not work for me if it does not make me happy.
A community letting my teenager compost in a gaggle of nit-wits? That is not working for me. No. I spent thirty eight hours straight in labor the one time and some hormone flyby whimsy situation and recreational nonscense is not ruining the fine young adult I have been carefully feeding and keeping alive to this point.
I have not lost the sleep I already did to be unhappy.

The answer is if I did not give a wit about what happened to my teen I would take them to Nebraska,
Thank you Three Shadows, you made my day!

 

[flutterbee]

ThreeShadows, that Reward Deficiency Syndrome is the biggest load of carp I've ever read. And it's not anywhere in the DSM, either. Some of the behaviors, i.e., anxiety, anger, compulsive and/or impulsive behavior, attentional, etc is also what you see in Executive Function Disorders, Bipolar Disorder, Depression, ADHD, Anxiety, Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD)....and on and on and on.

To do your sig:

Top left of your screen click on User CP

Then go down to Settings & Options (again on the left side)

Click on Edit Your Signature

 

[ThreeShadows]

I may have just grown up, I think I got the signature right. I realize I am verbose and had to pare down considerably. A very humbling experience...

 

[mom_in_training]

Great idea Star* Wanted to give all of the new lurkers a warm welcome...

 

[gcvmom]

Offering my hand in welcome to you all! You'll find this is a very comforting and fun place to be a part of