Hi
I am looking for any insight or opinion on how to handle my 19 yo nephew. He started off college past fall at a big ten school with grand ideas of drinking, smoking weed, and general debauchery. His parents were both wild children in there own rights. He lasted in college for ½ semester before getting into a lot of trouble including poor planning of course work and an on going question of sexual misconduct. There are a lot of unknowns but he was sent far away from his friends to live with me and start over at a community college, far below his academic abilities. He is extremely agreeable and genuinely nice. He responds to losing my car if he does not follow the rules of the house and he changes his ways. However I just recently learned that he has been smoking pot on the side. He says that he is not taking my car when he is planning on smoking. He is "love" with the mystery of pot and its accessibility in this state versus it being illegal where he used to live. In order for him to transfer back to a full time university he needs to have a gpa of 3.9 which he does have the potential to reach. He currently has ½ semester left of this year to turn things around - he has 2 A's and 2 B's which is not bad but he is not taking his situation seriously. I am at a loss as to how many rules and restrictions I can place on him now that he is 19yo, albeit a very immature 19. I don't want to go around pee testing him .... I would like to have the ability to trust him. I would genuinely like to see him respect himself and take himself seriously. I don't know how to encourage this behavior. He has grown up with divorced parents with a father who is a millionaire piece of work and a mother who is absolutely lovely and whimsical. Any thoughts would be very appreciated.
Thank you
I am looking for any insight or opinion on how to handle my 19 yo nephew. He started off college past fall at a big ten school with grand ideas of drinking, smoking weed, and general debauchery. His parents were both wild children in there own rights. He lasted in college for ½ semester before getting into a lot of trouble including poor planning of course work and an on going question of sexual misconduct. There are a lot of unknowns but he was sent far away from his friends to live with me and start over at a community college, far below his academic abilities. He is extremely agreeable and genuinely nice. He responds to losing my car if he does not follow the rules of the house and he changes his ways. However I just recently learned that he has been smoking pot on the side. He says that he is not taking my car when he is planning on smoking. He is "love" with the mystery of pot and its accessibility in this state versus it being illegal where he used to live. In order for him to transfer back to a full time university he needs to have a gpa of 3.9 which he does have the potential to reach. He currently has ½ semester left of this year to turn things around - he has 2 A's and 2 B's which is not bad but he is not taking his situation seriously. I am at a loss as to how many rules and restrictions I can place on him now that he is 19yo, albeit a very immature 19. I don't want to go around pee testing him .... I would like to have the ability to trust him. I would genuinely like to see him respect himself and take himself seriously. I don't know how to encourage this behavior. He has grown up with divorced parents with a father who is a millionaire piece of work and a mother who is absolutely lovely and whimsical. Any thoughts would be very appreciated.
Thank you
Welcome, Sbk. Have your nephew's parents given you any guideline as to what rules they expect him to follow while living with you? I'm glad that he is being respectful of you. Is he working? That might do a great deal toward pushing him to live in the adult world with responsibilities.