agingrapidly
New Member
Hi: I am new to this forum and have been going back and forth about whether or not to post. But here goes....
My son left for college fit, smart, and healthy and suddenly things took a wrong turn. After his first semester sophomore year we received a call after he returned home for break that he had failed to submit final papers (the school found a way around FERPA). We were shocked as he had told us everything was great. He told us he had anxiety. We immediately took him for help, appealed for him to be readmitted, and he was able to get rid of his incompletes and took one F. The second semester began and the Dean called us and told us that he was not doing what was needed per his academic probation, and we flew up to take him home. When we met with the Dean, our son convinced the Dean to let him finish the semester and he finished (doing well). He returned junior year after (first semester went fine) and toward the end of the second semester he came home on medical leave. Things really unraveled. During all this he was seeing a therapist, went on medication, went off of medication, and gained a lot of weight. He was also diagnosed with major depressive disorder.
When he returned I thought it would be a "fast" fix..get the right doctors and he would be okay. While he was medically compliant, for the first three months he barely left his room (except to get fast food) and was up at night playing video games. Eventually he started working about twenty hours a week and starting socializing...but still depressed. We were naive...we learned he was smoking a boatload of pot and started drug testing him. His smoking excessively was probably going on for a long time, but everything was attributed to the depression. While psychiatrist and psychologist told him not to smoke, they did not focus on the pot and said we should be focusing on the depression (and in fact I often felt reprimanded for stating that the pot was also a big issue). But the pot definitely impacts the depression and his ability to feel better...though he will deny it. There is no doubt he is addicted to pot.
With monitoring and not paying for things his ability to purchase pot (we live in CA so it is basically legal) has diminished. He took some classes at a UC and did fine. He started the process to get reinstated to his school with is therapist. Both his dad and I wanted to deal with the concurrent marijuana issue and depression before he tried to get reinstated. But, he is now reinstated and returning....I am an anxious.
This is what I have put in place for him---since I am a "trigger" for him my husband will be going to get him set up: we got a psychologist for him by the school, a psychiatrist that specializes in major depressive disorder, and an addiction counselor (he needs to meet with the psychologist and addiction counselor weekly) and he is signing releases so that we can have communication with his doctors. He is registering with the office of disabilities. Meeting with his dean to discuss path to graduation (has one more year left). We sublet him an apartment in a building owned by university near school. He will have a meal plan (which will mean that he needs to go to campus to eat) and we will give him limited money--I told him that he needs to use his debit card because cash withdrawals would be an indicator that he is buying pot. My husband is meeting with everyone when he goes back.
I have two other kids 19 and 20 (rising sophomore and rising senior) and this certainly is not the way we deal with them at all. And clearly I understand this is not the best way to return to college. We told him that if it does not work (because he is insisting on going) he will either have to get a job and live on his own or go into a residential treatment center for depression and marijuana (which he has refused to do). In no uncertain terms, we will not pay for him to come home before going to a treatment center if things don't work. His therapist and psychiatrist think that sending him is a better option than forcing him out of the house and living with us is no longer an option (it is not healthy for any of us).
On the positive side, he did do okay in the two UC classes, has been exercising for the past week or two, and seems motivated to finish school (it seems to be important to him). I am hoping for the best, but know the odds are not in his favor. Whew.....
Just to finish out the story---my husband and I see a therapist to help us deal with him, I see a therapist to help me deal with the situation, and we went to the NAMI family-to-family program. It has been an emotionally exhausting two years, and, to be honest, I am looking forward to him being away (and think we will get along better because he won't feel like I am criticizing him--why don't you eat dinner with us instead of wasting your money, why don't you go for a walk, why don't you try to go to sleep).
Has anyone had a child return to school after being on medical leave for mental health issues? What have you done to make it work? What accommodations did you request? How often did you go to check in (we were thinking a monthly check-in)?
I know there will be mixed views on what we are doing...but it is a done deal.
My son left for college fit, smart, and healthy and suddenly things took a wrong turn. After his first semester sophomore year we received a call after he returned home for break that he had failed to submit final papers (the school found a way around FERPA). We were shocked as he had told us everything was great. He told us he had anxiety. We immediately took him for help, appealed for him to be readmitted, and he was able to get rid of his incompletes and took one F. The second semester began and the Dean called us and told us that he was not doing what was needed per his academic probation, and we flew up to take him home. When we met with the Dean, our son convinced the Dean to let him finish the semester and he finished (doing well). He returned junior year after (first semester went fine) and toward the end of the second semester he came home on medical leave. Things really unraveled. During all this he was seeing a therapist, went on medication, went off of medication, and gained a lot of weight. He was also diagnosed with major depressive disorder.
When he returned I thought it would be a "fast" fix..get the right doctors and he would be okay. While he was medically compliant, for the first three months he barely left his room (except to get fast food) and was up at night playing video games. Eventually he started working about twenty hours a week and starting socializing...but still depressed. We were naive...we learned he was smoking a boatload of pot and started drug testing him. His smoking excessively was probably going on for a long time, but everything was attributed to the depression. While psychiatrist and psychologist told him not to smoke, they did not focus on the pot and said we should be focusing on the depression (and in fact I often felt reprimanded for stating that the pot was also a big issue). But the pot definitely impacts the depression and his ability to feel better...though he will deny it. There is no doubt he is addicted to pot.
With monitoring and not paying for things his ability to purchase pot (we live in CA so it is basically legal) has diminished. He took some classes at a UC and did fine. He started the process to get reinstated to his school with is therapist. Both his dad and I wanted to deal with the concurrent marijuana issue and depression before he tried to get reinstated. But, he is now reinstated and returning....I am an anxious.
This is what I have put in place for him---since I am a "trigger" for him my husband will be going to get him set up: we got a psychologist for him by the school, a psychiatrist that specializes in major depressive disorder, and an addiction counselor (he needs to meet with the psychologist and addiction counselor weekly) and he is signing releases so that we can have communication with his doctors. He is registering with the office of disabilities. Meeting with his dean to discuss path to graduation (has one more year left). We sublet him an apartment in a building owned by university near school. He will have a meal plan (which will mean that he needs to go to campus to eat) and we will give him limited money--I told him that he needs to use his debit card because cash withdrawals would be an indicator that he is buying pot. My husband is meeting with everyone when he goes back.
I have two other kids 19 and 20 (rising sophomore and rising senior) and this certainly is not the way we deal with them at all. And clearly I understand this is not the best way to return to college. We told him that if it does not work (because he is insisting on going) he will either have to get a job and live on his own or go into a residential treatment center for depression and marijuana (which he has refused to do). In no uncertain terms, we will not pay for him to come home before going to a treatment center if things don't work. His therapist and psychiatrist think that sending him is a better option than forcing him out of the house and living with us is no longer an option (it is not healthy for any of us).
On the positive side, he did do okay in the two UC classes, has been exercising for the past week or two, and seems motivated to finish school (it seems to be important to him). I am hoping for the best, but know the odds are not in his favor. Whew.....
Just to finish out the story---my husband and I see a therapist to help us deal with him, I see a therapist to help me deal with the situation, and we went to the NAMI family-to-family program. It has been an emotionally exhausting two years, and, to be honest, I am looking forward to him being away (and think we will get along better because he won't feel like I am criticizing him--why don't you eat dinner with us instead of wasting your money, why don't you go for a walk, why don't you try to go to sleep).
Has anyone had a child return to school after being on medical leave for mental health issues? What have you done to make it work? What accommodations did you request? How often did you go to check in (we were thinking a monthly check-in)?
I know there will be mixed views on what we are doing...but it is a done deal.
