Nancy - I have to believe that good values and good family systems always help. Even if it doesn't protect them from becoming addicts or help them hit bottom sooner or recover faster. When I think of the people I know who have been living sober for decades - that's the commonality that comes to mind. Not to say that it's a panacea or that there is no hope for people without a strong background. TBH, the few people I know who had horrible upbringings and substance issues - but later chose sobriety - had a strong desire to live a calm and value based life.
I guess in my own unlearned, unprofessional opinion - people who do well at being sober are people who have a strong personal motivation for a better life. And since sometimes you can't miss what you never had, I think those who had chaotic upbringings don't realize that they can stop the chaos in their own lives. Likewise, i think the glimmer of living a normal, balanced moral life can be fanned aflame in those addicts who realize they alone are a cause of their chaos and who can remember a life that wasn't always chaotic or hand to mouth.
At least that's my hope. Sure it's no guarantee - but I feel like us moms are keeping their old lives alive for them. They HAVE something to return to - but they have to WANT that lifestyle. And when and if they do WANT a sober life, all is not lost.
I hope I am making sense. I guess if I am wrong - I don't want to know. Because then what's the point of investing so much of ourselves in trying to raise good kids?
Not trying to be argumentative - it's just the only thought that comforts me. And I am keeping that flame alive.