Littleboylost
Long road but the path ahead holds hope.
RE
Thank you. It is indeed a tough time.
Thank you. It is indeed a tough time.
A Visitor Came a knocking “
- Thread starter Littleboylost
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Littleboylost
Long road but the path ahead holds hope.
A perfect combo!
Remember to take deep breaths.....so simple, but so effective too.
Sending you big, warm hugs.....from my somewhat mangled mother's heart.....to yours.
Remember to take deep breaths.....so simple, but so effective too.
Sending you big, warm hugs.....from my somewhat mangled mother's heart.....to yours.
BloodiedButUnbowed
Well-Known Member
So sorry your son is self-sabotaging by screwing up the phone call. It is not uncommon for troubled kids to pull stunts like this. It is because they are afraid of the future and/or don't believe the promised negative consequences will actually occur. Happens in my line of work all the time and my stepsons do it too.
It is too bad that the consequences for your son will likely be severe, but on the other hand, he seems to be showing that he needs the harshest of consequences. Reality is not sinking in for him any other way. As wise people have told me before, some people's bottoms are lower than others and it seems your son's bottom is very low.
We will be here for you through it all. Hugs.
It is too bad that the consequences for your son will likely be severe, but on the other hand, he seems to be showing that he needs the harshest of consequences. Reality is not sinking in for him any other way. As wise people have told me before, some people's bottoms are lower than others and it seems your son's bottom is very low.
We will be here for you through it all. Hugs.
StillStanding
Active Member
LBL - I'm also heart broken at your broken heart.
Oh... the places I've cried!
Someone at the office once asked if I had big plans for Christmas and I sobbed like a loved one had died. She won't make that mistake again.
Oh... the places I've cried!
Someone at the office once asked if I had big plans for Christmas and I sobbed like a loved one had died. She won't make that mistake again.
ColleenB
Active Member
LBL,
I am so sorry this is where you are right now. I have done the cry in my car a few times....
I guess he is deciding he wants the harder road, and maybe it will be the catalyst to eventual change. Who knows what he is thinking .... he is probably not thinking, that is the problem. Addicts make no sense. What we see is the chaos and consequences but they seem blind to it all.
hugs....
I am so sorry this is where you are right now. I have done the cry in my car a few times....
I guess he is deciding he wants the harder road, and maybe it will be the catalyst to eventual change. Who knows what he is thinking .... he is probably not thinking, that is the problem. Addicts make no sense. What we see is the chaos and consequences but they seem blind to it all.
hugs....
HopeFilledMama
Member
This life is so difficult.
You are in my prayers.
You are in my prayers.
Littleboylost
Long road but the path ahead holds hope.
Ugh not sleeping totally lost it this morning. Son stated home over night. There must be something up at Cop Moms. Maybe she grew a spine. He appears to only do over if girlfriend is home and he comes back ....well 3 big nights now out or the last 45.
He had an exam this morning heard no alarm woke him he didn’t get up. Woke him again he screams his exam doesn’t start until 09:30. It is 09:15. Pretty sure exam is at 09:00. On his rant the phone rings. School asking where is he exam started at 09:00. Dead silence from me.
Dropped him off didn’t speak a word.
Get texts at work he is home can’t get in. Says he forgot his key. Duh it won’t work anyway. We re keyed the locks about a month ago....you know like drug parents do right.
He kept texting and I blew him off. Then get a text “Ok I am sleeping in the parking garage on the cement. Don’t run me over when you come home.” Is it academy award season yet. Because someone deserves the award for best DRAMA!!!
Exhausted. Get home and he is gone to HFs. He came home around 11. I didn’t speak to him. He came and said goodnight. I aknowledged that and said he better have a better plan tomorrow morning. Last exam tomorrow.
I am so fed up with him. I can’t speak or I would say what is on my mind and that would be so ugly.
I am so angry at myself for being pulled into his drama Lama crap.
His rehab intake counselor tool the heat for the missed follow up call. She and I both know who is to blame. She told the internal powers that she had been called away from her office and MAY have missed his call and has rescheduled. I have told him NOTHING. I have told him I am done babysitting an adult who can’t even make a phone call. I told him I’d prison wasn’t enough of a deterrent then I am out OUT out. Not planing or involving myself in his entry to rehab. He can do it or go to prison.
Had a bad emotional blow out all ways around I am so mad at myself for this. Dragged down the rabbit hole once again.
I am leaving early for work tomorrow. He won’t be awake when I leave. How sad is that that I look forward to not having to see or deal with him.
He had an exam this morning heard no alarm woke him he didn’t get up. Woke him again he screams his exam doesn’t start until 09:30. It is 09:15. Pretty sure exam is at 09:00. On his rant the phone rings. School asking where is he exam started at 09:00. Dead silence from me.
Dropped him off didn’t speak a word.
Get texts at work he is home can’t get in. Says he forgot his key. Duh it won’t work anyway. We re keyed the locks about a month ago....you know like drug parents do right.
He kept texting and I blew him off. Then get a text “Ok I am sleeping in the parking garage on the cement. Don’t run me over when you come home.” Is it academy award season yet. Because someone deserves the award for best DRAMA!!!
Exhausted. Get home and he is gone to HFs. He came home around 11. I didn’t speak to him. He came and said goodnight. I aknowledged that and said he better have a better plan tomorrow morning. Last exam tomorrow.
I am so fed up with him. I can’t speak or I would say what is on my mind and that would be so ugly.
I am so angry at myself for being pulled into his drama Lama crap.
His rehab intake counselor tool the heat for the missed follow up call. She and I both know who is to blame. She told the internal powers that she had been called away from her office and MAY have missed his call and has rescheduled. I have told him NOTHING. I have told him I am done babysitting an adult who can’t even make a phone call. I told him I’d prison wasn’t enough of a deterrent then I am out OUT out. Not planing or involving myself in his entry to rehab. He can do it or go to prison.
Had a bad emotional blow out all ways around I am so mad at myself for this. Dragged down the rabbit hole once again.
I am leaving early for work tomorrow. He won’t be awake when I leave. How sad is that that I look forward to not having to see or deal with him.
Guidance seeker
Active Member
LBL - I can imagine your frustration at him when he wouldn’t get up. I have been there so many times and I would be up early running round preparing his breakfast, trying to make things run smoothly when he had school, college, an exam, work etc and he would lie there oblivious, he would be nasty to me for waking him up too. That’s one thing I don’t miss since we put him out.
He hasn’t worked since March last year, I put him out in April. I applied for every job he had for him and he lost every single job. He’s currently signed off sick after advice from hostel staff last year that they did not think he was able to hold down a job and was on the wrong benefits. I agree with them really but didn’t ever want him to go down the benefits route - I always think that almost everyone is capable of doing something and I believe he is too if he finds some stability.
Nothing seems to work that we do and the more we try, the worse they are and we are the ones that end up stressed and anxious. You have done all you can, take time for yourself.
I hope tomorrow is a better day for you.
He hasn’t worked since March last year, I put him out in April. I applied for every job he had for him and he lost every single job. He’s currently signed off sick after advice from hostel staff last year that they did not think he was able to hold down a job and was on the wrong benefits. I agree with them really but didn’t ever want him to go down the benefits route - I always think that almost everyone is capable of doing something and I believe he is too if he finds some stability.
Nothing seems to work that we do and the more we try, the worse they are and we are the ones that end up stressed and anxious. You have done all you can, take time for yourself.
I hope tomorrow is a better day for you.
Lost in sadness
Active Member
Oh LBL I am so so sorry. What a heartache for you. I too understand what is is like to almost literally 'run' their life for them. I even applied for jobs for my son which he got interviews for! You can do no more. It is down to him now and he must want it for himself. Try and relax and look after yourself now. xxx
BloodiedButUnbowed
Well-Known Member
I am very sorry that your son's behavior is still so thoughtless and reckless.
When I get lost in other people's behavior, and start to feel crazed, it helps me to reach out to Al-Anon tools. Meetings (face to face, phone, online), message boards, literature, the Serenity Prayer....anything to break the cycle of insanity.
Take deep breaths, get in touch with your calm inner spirit, and let your conscience be your guide. He will only take your serenity if you let him do so.
It sounds like your son is getting worse not better, and he is driving you crazy to boot. Maybe jail is where he needs to be....for both of your sakes.
When I get lost in other people's behavior, and start to feel crazed, it helps me to reach out to Al-Anon tools. Meetings (face to face, phone, online), message boards, literature, the Serenity Prayer....anything to break the cycle of insanity.
Take deep breaths, get in touch with your calm inner spirit, and let your conscience be your guide. He will only take your serenity if you let him do so.
It sounds like your son is getting worse not better, and he is driving you crazy to boot. Maybe jail is where he needs to be....for both of your sakes.
newstart
Well-Known Member
Littleboylost, I am praying that you will get a good, decent night sleep.. Being tired and having to deal with a troubled child is very very hard. A good night sleep with take some of the agony out of it. I did get tickled when you wrote that about award season and your son would win the award for drama. I will be using your statement with my daughter. Also your 'drama lama'' I will be using.
The pain you are experiencing is so deep. I have to keep working on knowing that my daughter is a grown a-- adult and get the vision out of my head that she is my sweet little girl. Your son is younger than my daughter but I have been where you are now and it was more stressful because she was staying at my house off and on. While in my house, she made our lives living hell. She took what ever she wanted I had to hide everything.
Just want you to know that when he does move out be it jail or his own place it will force him to take care of his basic needs himself. I realized I did way too much for my daughter and it kept her stuck. I did things to help her become successful and at the time I thought independent. The more I did the less she did for herself. It was a hard balance. I was a completely different child, if my parents did something for me, I was so grateful and used it as a stepping stone to move even more forward.. I thought my daughter would be like that but it does not work with her.
The hard part about my daughter is that I have to go so against what I think is good and right, a whole new way of thinking. My son was grateful for everything I did and would tell me so often. he used everything to move forward and share. I can understand why some parents have to break all ties, they have to for health reasons. Sending you love, compassion and understand in abundance.
The pain you are experiencing is so deep. I have to keep working on knowing that my daughter is a grown a-- adult and get the vision out of my head that she is my sweet little girl. Your son is younger than my daughter but I have been where you are now and it was more stressful because she was staying at my house off and on. While in my house, she made our lives living hell. She took what ever she wanted I had to hide everything.
Just want you to know that when he does move out be it jail or his own place it will force him to take care of his basic needs himself. I realized I did way too much for my daughter and it kept her stuck. I did things to help her become successful and at the time I thought independent. The more I did the less she did for herself. It was a hard balance. I was a completely different child, if my parents did something for me, I was so grateful and used it as a stepping stone to move even more forward.. I thought my daughter would be like that but it does not work with her.
The hard part about my daughter is that I have to go so against what I think is good and right, a whole new way of thinking. My son was grateful for everything I did and would tell me so often. he used everything to move forward and share. I can understand why some parents have to break all ties, they have to for health reasons. Sending you love, compassion and understand in abundance.
Littleboylost
Long road but the path ahead holds hope.
Thanks I am very tired today after a long day of work. He is home and agitated. Fighting with girlfriend. If this rehab bed doesn’t come soon or at all I am gong to need a bed for myself.
Littleboylost
Long road but the path ahead holds hope.
I hear you there. I am off to bed early and hope to sleep as well. Meditation and healthy support usually get me through. But sometimes the wheels fall of.
If this continues we soon will not have a choice but to let the law pursue him.
Littleboylost
Long road but the path ahead holds hope.
Thanks New Start. Nothing makes me feel old than to be dealing with this craziness. Ugh!
Sending gentle hugs to you and hoping that his bed opens up very soon. I hope and pray that the stress on you eases very soon. I hope the stress on him grows greatly and he realizes all he has thrown away but he doesn't take it out on you or use it as an excuse to get high. What the heck, I can dream for castles in the sky made of cherry jam if I want to!!!
Copabanana
Well-Known Member
Lbl. I am only now seeing this thread.
I feel so sorry to hear this.
I have one suggestion. I would go back and read your past threads. And really really see and accept what your journey has been.
Your fatigue, heartbreak, fury and frustration have been cumulative over many many months in response to trying every single thing that was possible and even the impossible. What has son done except dig a deeper hole? Who would not feel as you do. You are bearing the consequences both of his bad behavior and his mistreatment. And you carry the fear of the future and all of the wanting with which he batters you.
I am not saying he does this intentionally or that he has animus to you. I do not believe he does. And I have said before I believe he will change...g-d willing.
Is being a mother to be a beast of burden who is beaten with a stick? That is what I have permitted for myself. My son did not do this to me. I let it happen. To be honest I chose it. I might do so again. But should I?
There is the opportunity to rethink this and for you to change this by allowing yourself to feel deep compassion for you and to reorder things with you not him as the person to be considered and cared for. There is a way out.
A fraction of this suffering is too much.
I do not know the answers. Except for that.
What a little shxt. Oops. Sorry.
Love.
I feel so sorry to hear this.
I have one suggestion. I would go back and read your past threads. And really really see and accept what your journey has been.
Your fatigue, heartbreak, fury and frustration have been cumulative over many many months in response to trying every single thing that was possible and even the impossible. What has son done except dig a deeper hole? Who would not feel as you do. You are bearing the consequences both of his bad behavior and his mistreatment. And you carry the fear of the future and all of the wanting with which he batters you.
I am not saying he does this intentionally or that he has animus to you. I do not believe he does. And I have said before I believe he will change...g-d willing.
Is being a mother to be a beast of burden who is beaten with a stick? That is what I have permitted for myself. My son did not do this to me. I let it happen. To be honest I chose it. I might do so again. But should I?
There is the opportunity to rethink this and for you to change this by allowing yourself to feel deep compassion for you and to reorder things with you not him as the person to be considered and cared for. There is a way out.
A fraction of this suffering is too much.
I do not know the answers. Except for that.
What a little shxt. Oops. Sorry.
Love.
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Copabanana
Well-Known Member
I want to add something to my post lbl. That may seem contradictory.
I am trying to see my own suffering as a sort of prompt or reminder. Not a truth.
For example. I wake up with stories about my life and situation. Trust me. I am not the hero. I accuse myself of this or that. Or malign myself because of this failing and that. Sometimes it is about my son. or my mother. Or sister. Or others I believe do not love me or like me. And I accuse myself as having failed.
Lately I am trying to be kind to myself. To honor not reject the pain I feel with compassion for myself. I do not challenge the stories. And I try to not fight for myself. Rather I try to embrace my hurt and suffering self.
When I have done this a few days the accusing stories recede.
I believe that you might be experiencing something similar to what I do.
I am learning fighting the stories does not work for me. But hugging my hurting self does.
what I am writing is that my suffering is a prompt or reminder to embrace and sooth myself. Just that. The recognition there is no better or necessary resolution or answer sometimes to my suffering in the moment. Except that. And really what more do we have?
Sure. There can be a way to understand, gain insight. or I can change how I act towards others. or make changes in course; doing this or that differently. perhaps. But all of these are shoulds. More battering.
But I am changing something fundamental. In my relationship with myself. Why did I never think seriously about this before?
I am trying to see my own suffering as a sort of prompt or reminder. Not a truth.
For example. I wake up with stories about my life and situation. Trust me. I am not the hero. I accuse myself of this or that. Or malign myself because of this failing and that. Sometimes it is about my son. or my mother. Or sister. Or others I believe do not love me or like me. And I accuse myself as having failed.
Lately I am trying to be kind to myself. To honor not reject the pain I feel with compassion for myself. I do not challenge the stories. And I try to not fight for myself. Rather I try to embrace my hurt and suffering self.
When I have done this a few days the accusing stories recede.
I believe that you might be experiencing something similar to what I do.
I am learning fighting the stories does not work for me. But hugging my hurting self does.
what I am writing is that my suffering is a prompt or reminder to embrace and sooth myself. Just that. The recognition there is no better or necessary resolution or answer sometimes to my suffering in the moment. Except that. And really what more do we have?
Sure. There can be a way to understand, gain insight. or I can change how I act towards others. or make changes in course; doing this or that differently. perhaps. But all of these are shoulds. More battering.
But I am changing something fundamental. In my relationship with myself. Why did I never think seriously about this before?
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BusynMember
Well-Known Member
One thing we can't change is how others treat us.
