Kat9
New Member
My daughter developed chronic lying and made up stories after abuse by her first step mom at age 6 or 7 and seeing inappropriate things. we couldn’t straighten her out so just ignored that part of her and told her we didn’t believe her lies. Shed lie when coughs doi g something wrong and I feel she was copying the ex stepmom behavior as she had affairs in the back seat of her car with my daughter in the car. I was told this by ex in-laws and was not a witness. Fast forward to teenagehood with stepmom number 2. She became a master manipulator with her Dad and they couldn’t control her. She was made to be housekeeper and babysitter to half siblings like Cinderella. She mainly was boy crazy and choosing bad boys with issues. She threatened to leave home as teen and get apartment with friends. Her father and grandparents being in fear signed for her to marry this guy who had a couple of loose screws. He told me he was a warlock and generational witch and other crazy stories. Later daughter told me he made it up to keep me away knowing I had differing beliefs and morals. After the witch proclamation I begged her to wait, not marry and go to college and find a nice guy with more going for him. Bit her Dad signed for marriage and the rest of that side of family accepted him and great grandmother let the. Both move in with her. They stayed married many years though and were somewhat financially stable, broke but making it. Partying, lots drinking etc but ok. Then she developed a psychosis around wanting to have children, this was quite the drama. He didn’t want her to have children because she had began to not care for the home for a few years and wasn’t wanting to change or if depression caused wouldn’t seek help. So after years of her drama he said ok I’ll give you a baby. She was in early 30’s at this point which raises birth defect rate. She had normal child and did great first 8 months then went back to old habits of lethargy, playing on internet all night with games and sleeping all day neglecting to child. He had her committed and took the child which is what he promised to do if she didn’t care for him. Rather than get a job and become self sufficient she spiraled downhill sleeping with anything on two legs for shelter and care and became alcoholic. She did work but wouldn't find her own place to live as either couldn’t afford it or didn’t look for alternate housing such as room. Or house sharing. She married one of the boys with bad family and upbringing her Father forbade. He said if she married him he and stepmom would not darken her door. He was of sub intelligence as well, slow minded and his family was home was full of relatives on drugs. She has two kids by this man one autistic retarded and nonverbal from genetics and claims the genius are from the husband but the autism one from my genes called Christianson’s Syndrome. Although no one in my family has had this. Genetic occurrence is 50/50 chance and goes up over age 30 with pregnancy and she’s well over that. She sent me “proof” as a doctors report that looked like an old fashioned mimeograph sheet of paper she took picture of and emailed with the genetic info. It has grandsons name and identification on the paper. Her ex accused her of faking this for attention. She lost all rights to her first normal child in the divorce. It’s as if she intended to lose him by writing she had hallucinations in a diary that she saw demons hovering over her child. she had supervised visitation she never arranged for because she feared her ex. She stayed with second husband a few years and they didn’t make much working and were always broke and husband wasted money or rather they wasted money on weekend entertainment. She left him for another old high school crush, a recovered addict. He gets killed in car accident and drugs, She was still drama Queen but they stayed together many years until he died of liver cancer. Again another weird story of immediate family with weird extremely rare 1 in 1,000,000 genetic cause, this time rare genetic cancer. He had no symptoms until last month of life and suddenly died leaving her with no way to pay rent. Another high school guy friend comes to help her sort the pieces. She is 50 now. She moves in with high school guy as she has no options. However, I did offer her a contact for government housing for people with mental disabilities based on her children’s issues and also suggested regular government housing for her. she doesn’t want gov housing because she wouldn’t be allowed extra In come to blow and go and maintain a car. High school guy called Bull is ex convict for robbery and possibly murder charge in the robbery. she says someone else did it that he just was there, whatever. He owns an inherited home and does his best with her but they fight over her letting the autistic one pee and poop on his furniture and trash his house. She’s not cleaning cooking etc, while kids are in school. Here comes the current drama. She didn’t want to be told what to do by him and said he was abusing the kids. I asked what abuse. She said ok no child abuse but he was abusing her. I said ok what abuse. “He called me stupid and why can’t I get anything right and why isn’t the house clean with dinner on the table.” So she moves into her 2nd husband parents gov housing apartment. They are on hospice And it’s illegal for her to stay there by apt rules. She didn’t ask but I had previously said something about helping her get apartment because I felt so sorry for her losing her husband to death. But since the economy has shifted, I have severe old age health issues and limited fixed income I’ve changed my mind but didn’t mention it as we are not in communication unless she is in crisis. She called 2 days ago saying she got thrown out. She. She explained Bulls verbal abuse I felt that was such a flimsy excuse for being homeless that I just said “ You’ll just have to deal with it“ and I hung up on her. I wrote her an email because I need verbal protection from her for my mental health so I don’t get hooked into losing my own financial security and mental well being. So I emailed saying g she could relinquished her kids and get stability for herself through work. Or keep the kids and go into gov housing. Or whatever she chooses but that I am in no shape physically well or mentally strong. she is blowing up my phone as I write. I’ve been disabled since my 40’s. She had demanded I come summers and help raise the kids. But I declined because I can’t physically do a lot. This produces guilt in me. But I know her. I know no matter how much I’d pour help into the kids she would undermine my efforts. the daughter who is mentally challenged is less challenged the boy. But I think she made the daugher more disabled because of environment and neglect. I made homemade kits by hand for entertainment and learning. If make sewing kits to teach ther daughter to sew or do various crafts for enrichments. Every time she had excuses such as the daughter upped it open and destroyed it before she could help her with it. Paints I mailed were opened and strewn etc, once her daughter chewed car interior I. Frustration because she was hungry and was denied something to eat as she ran errands. I sent a snack kit in a tote bag. She said I sent stuff they couldn’t eat, too salty, too spicy whatever, which it was wide variety so not true. Excuses and hate back and her verbal abusing with every phone call. Now she has run out of high school looser drug addicts to move in with and my phone is blowing up. She would go months in ed without answering her phone and only answering if she was bored whatever. Never called me ever, ever! Except for crisis. Nothing reciprocal. no phone call birthday or Christmas wish. Just demands. Totally one sided and entitled. Her just now voice mail says “call me please”. That’s the hook where I’ll have to listen for houses and feel guilty so I’ll bail her out. It’s painful. But I’m not. I hate she has the burden of special needs she can’t raise and better herself to thrive. it’s a tragic story. But she chose the bad boyfriends and wouldnt leave her podunk town even when I offered to let her save her first child and move in with me. She loved her home town with druggie high school circle from her Dads town. My son insists she doesn’t do drugs And her other relatives say the same. She has been alcoholic at times but quit due to liver issues. Mainly she seems narcissistic bipolar. Her main goal is for someone else to care for her and the children. The only support she’s had is drug addicted boyfriends who they can survive by combining meager incomes. So they use each other to survive. With her lack of education with two special need kids in tow she will not attract a decent husband. And with all the car the kids need and having to have government help for them and lack of education she can’t rise above her predicament. She’s stuck. This definitely isn’t what I dreamed of for her when she was a child. It makes the guilt worse because how can I blame her for special needs kids if it’s partly from my genes? However I don’t have absolute proof of that. But the other defects are from the man she married.
