All Hell broke loose...

[lovemysons]

and my nerves are completely shot.

On Monday night I got news from my mother that my dearest Aunt in Oklahoma had fallen and broke her hip. She is 72 yrs old and also has Lupus. The next day my mom and I took off for the hospital in Oklahoma. Got to hospital after Aunt had surgery and she was in recovery.

Yesterday, while stopping back by the hospital to see Aunt one last time before heading back to Texas, husband called me. He asked me to step out of the room...I took it something was wrong as he did not want my reaction to be shared with my Aunt. He began to tell me that Young difficult child had been drinking Tuesday night.

Apparently Young difficult child had walked into the house with a bottle exposed from his jacket and husband told him he needed to get that alcohol out of our house. So young difficult child left and came back 45 mins later.
husband says that young difficult child began to insist that husband and I pay for daughter in law's teeth to be fixed as she has an infection. husband said we were not paying for this that this was something he and wife need to work out.

Don't know what happend next to escalate the situation but young difficult child went after husband with a hammer. husband defended himself and hit young difficult child in the mouth. There is blood on the garage floor.
husband says that young difficult child threatend to kill him. husband slept with the bedroom door barracaded...door locked with hope chest against it.

I got home around 9 last night from my trip and husband was in bed so haven't talked to him at length about the situation yet. Nothing like this has ever happend before. I am especially upset that husband is in fear of our own son.
I have no idea what we are going to do...
But I know we can't live like this indefinitely.

LMS

 

[Nancy]

Oh LMS I am so very sorry. No you cannot live in fear. It's easy for me to say call the police. Of course that is what you should do. This never stops for you and sadly it may be time to let your son figure things out for himself without your help or protection.

 

[trinityroyal]

Oh LMS, I'm so very sorry.

Nancy's advice is excellent. You and husband should not be living in fear in your own home. If you can't be safe while difficult child lives under your roof, then difficult child needs to find other living arrangements.

Many hugs,
*Trinity

 

[Bunny]

It's not an easy thing to call the when it's your own children who are being the aggressors. I've done it twice and it was not easy either time. My son is much younger than yours. If you don't want to get the police involved, and I would completely understand of you don't, I would tell your son that he can't be in your home. Your personally safety is too important.

 

[DDD]

Ditto, Bunny. You know how truly sorry I am that this has happened. on the other hand, Tammy, you know in your heart that the only one who can change #2 is #2. He is fully aware of the help options available in your community. He is fully aware that "the system" would be glad to recommit him. He absolutely and totally knows that you not only love him to death but you have made every effort possible to help him straighten out. I'm sorry, my friend, but in my humble opinion it is time for you and husband to change the locks and show him the door. Your husband has stepped up to the plate with reluctance in hopes that #2 would benefit. Frankly I was surprised that he did so as it sure seemed as though he had "had it". It is time for you and husband to come first. I will be sending caring thought and prayers your way. Hugs DDD

 

[PatriotsGirl]

I am so sorry to read this. I know how disappointed you are. You have done SO much to try to help him!! I agree with the others - your safety absolutely comes first. (((hugs)))

 

[recoveringenabler]

I am so sorry LMS, sending caring hugs your way.......take care of you and husband now.

 

[AmericanGirl]

LMS, I am so very sorry - both about your aunt and about what happened while you we're gone.

the posts here make good sense but you already know all that we say.

i am praying that all are safe and that you and your should are able to get together and decide what you need to do to be safe in your home. No one should have to live that way.

hugs my friend....

 

[Signorina]

{{{hugs}}}

I am so sorry you are hurting.

 

[pasajes4]

I am so sorry that you are going through this. People who are using alcohol and drugs can be so unpredictable and at times violent. Do what you must to protect you and yours.

 

[toughlovin]

OH LMS I am so sorry.... anxious to hear more from you and where you are today!! I know it is really hard to call the police especially if it means your difficult child would go back to jail.... but no you cannot live in your own home in fear. That is no way to live and you and your husband deserve to live in peace in your home. You really do and you do not need to sacrifice yourself for your son.

Hugs.


TL

 

[lovemysons]

Thank you all for the caring replies.

There is some revision in what I thought I heard regarding the original story...apparently I was wrong about who "threw the first punch".

I spoke with Young difficult child alone yesterday and then husband...then after, both of them together.
What happend is that husband told young difficult child that the situation with daughter in law's teeth needing to be fixed "sounded like a grown up problem" that young difficult child needed to take care of. It was at this point that Young difficult child yelled F You to husband and stood up to him...husband stood up too and hit young difficult child in the mouth.
After ranting for several minutes, Young difficult child went towards the door and picked up a hammer and ran toward husband...husband was able to get the hammer out of Young difficult child's hands.

Last night, while sitting in the room with both husband and Young difficult child, husband suggested that he and young difficult child go to counceling. Young difficult child responded with "I can't imagine living in the world with my dad without going to counceling"...he was being sarcastic.

husband and I talked and decided that Young difficult child must leave our Apartment home if he has been drinking. What I didn't realise until we were all seated together last night is that young difficult child was STILL drinking. Young difficult child proceeded to tell us that he is 24 yrs old and will take his own consequences and drink when he wants to!

I have told husband that we cannot have violence in our home...they can never fight again. And husband says "so what do you do when you tell them the rules and they say, "NO!" I said, call the police if he will not leave our home...but then we thought about it and decided we do not want to draw negative attention to ourselves at the Apartment we have only lived in for a few months now...not to mention our apartments are not even aware that young difficult child lives here with us. We did not think we could get him on the lease with his Felony record.

So...husband and I talked further last night and have decided that since young difficult child insists on drinking regardless of our "house rule", and that violence is NOT an option again, we will make his life uncomfortable here.

husband just had young difficult child's phone turned off this morning, seperated young difficult child's laundry from ours and is going to put a lock on laundry room door so that young difficult child must go to laundry mat.
husband is also going to let young difficult child know that he cannont have wife and kids over to spend the night on weekends so long as he is drinking.

I don't know what will happen next...I have told husband NOTHING must go wrong on this day though as it is easy child's 21st Birthday today and I will not have her birthday overshadowed by her brother's problems.

Young difficult child will surely be angry when he finds out that his phone has been shut off and that his family is no longer allowed to spend nights. I suspect something will happen soon...I dread the days to come.

LMS

 

[DDD]

My friend, I am so impressed that your husband has grown so much as a husband and a Dad to troubled sons. Truthfully I did not picture him as being "on the same page" but VERY obviously he loves you to death and also feels the pain of raising difficult child's. You've always known that I was on "your team" but honestly I now feel that you have a devoted and loyal husband who wants the best for the family. The compromise choices that he proposed and that you evidently accepted are in my humble opinion HUGE steps toward the future. With my whole heart I am with you AND husband in your goal of setting appropriate boundaries. Please do NOT let this effect your MH. You have always been an awesome Warrior Mom and now (it seems to me) you have a Warrior Dad at your side. Caring hugs coming your way, Tammy. DDD

 

[DammitJanet]

Is he off probation? If not, call him in if he gets violent again and just let them deal with it.

 

[lovemysons]

DDD, my dear friend...
Smile, husband and I were just listening to some "oldies" while he danced (so cute!) and I baked easy child's birthday cake.

I'm so glad you can see the difference in husband and I today. He has always been a hard worker and good provider and over the last few years I've seen him mellow into a very loving, patient man.
In fairness to husband...for many years I was the one who was not on the same page with him. I allowed our son's to emotionally manipulate me and felt I needed to "soften the blow" of a dad who did not want to "back down".
It was me who always felt I needed to rescue, save, etc. I saw our son's as drowning and me their only hope.
Today I'm trying to rely on what I have been taught...to lean not on my own understanding, to trust, to have faith and to work as a team with husband. We have been through SO MUCH...Rehabs, Expulsions, TBS, Jail school, Jail, hospital's, medication's, Prison's, Death of husband's mother from her Alcoholism, Me drinking again after almost 15 yrs of sobriety, My Psychotic Breakdown in 2007, etc...aLOT and then some.

We have a dream to move back to the mountains in Colorado...where we had once worked so hard to get to when our son's began their drug use and I "thought" moving back to Texas was the answer, sigh, it was just the beginning!
We WILL get their again DDD...and we WILL be better than ever!

Young difficult child has just gotten home. My mother and her boyfriend will be over soon and easy child should be returning from her day at Six Flags. Tonight it is time to celebrate easy child's 21st birthday.
I am hopeful that this will be a peaceful and truly happy birthday for easy child as she works tomorrow. Gosh she works so hard...takes after her daddy!

Thank you for always being here for me, DDD, I can't even begin to express how much you mean to me.
Love always,
Tammy