Hound dog
Nana's are Beautiful
That is a good question, and I thought perhaps a good topic of discussion since so many of the parents in our age ranges that I know seem to be dwelling on this very question.
Some of us, especially those with difficult children, dream of the day our kids reach that magical age of 18. They are adults. We're no longer responsible for them or their actions.
But then after we've put in 18 years of 24/7 work attempting to nurish, nurture, guide, and love these kids into responsible productive well adjusted members of society........we find ourselves asking now what? Because let's face it, raising kids was a huge part of our lives for the past 18 or more years.
And I think for some parents out there detachment is a hard place to get to simply because they became so absorbed into the job of Parent that they forgot who they are as an individual. So they just continue doing what they know and attempt to parent the grown child as usual, which of course the grown child (easy child and difficult child alike) resents, so it creates conflict and the parent frustrated as heck.
I know that a while back I was asking myself Now What? After 20+ years as a stay at home mom that was a major question for me. My kids, whom I'd worked hard to make independent were now independent of me and I didn't know what the heck to do with myself.
And I went thru some wonderful feelings of not being needed, being worthless, and feeling like I'd lost a major part of myself when I wasn't looking. It didn't seem fair. And for a while I didn't quite know what to do about it.
Luckily for me being a stay at home mom required me to have other interests to keep me from going brain dead while constantly surrounded by kids 365 days a year. And so I focused on them with a vengence. And I enjoyed them. But it still wasn't enough.
I need my own identity outside of being a wife, mother, and grandmother.
So I went back to school to do what I want to do. And while it hasn't always been easy, it's sure been fun. Takes my mind away from my kid's issues and lives and lets me focus on my own. During the process I've been reconnecting with the identity I put on the back burner when I plunged headfirst into being wife and mother.
Oh, I'm still Mom and Nana, and wife. But having my own life has left me with little time to dwell on things that I really shouldn't be dwelling on, or even concerned with. And silly as it may sound, it's also helped me remember what it was like being my kids ages and just starting out in life. Which helps in our relationships.
So? How did, or are you, all dealing with the Now What issue?
Some of us, especially those with difficult children, dream of the day our kids reach that magical age of 18. They are adults. We're no longer responsible for them or their actions.
But then after we've put in 18 years of 24/7 work attempting to nurish, nurture, guide, and love these kids into responsible productive well adjusted members of society........we find ourselves asking now what? Because let's face it, raising kids was a huge part of our lives for the past 18 or more years.
And I think for some parents out there detachment is a hard place to get to simply because they became so absorbed into the job of Parent that they forgot who they are as an individual. So they just continue doing what they know and attempt to parent the grown child as usual, which of course the grown child (easy child and difficult child alike) resents, so it creates conflict and the parent frustrated as heck.
I know that a while back I was asking myself Now What? After 20+ years as a stay at home mom that was a major question for me. My kids, whom I'd worked hard to make independent were now independent of me and I didn't know what the heck to do with myself.
And I went thru some wonderful feelings of not being needed, being worthless, and feeling like I'd lost a major part of myself when I wasn't looking. It didn't seem fair. And for a while I didn't quite know what to do about it.Luckily for me being a stay at home mom required me to have other interests to keep me from going brain dead while constantly surrounded by kids 365 days a year. And so I focused on them with a vengence. And I enjoyed them. But it still wasn't enough.
I need my own identity outside of being a wife, mother, and grandmother.
So I went back to school to do what I want to do. And while it hasn't always been easy, it's sure been fun. Takes my mind away from my kid's issues and lives and lets me focus on my own. During the process I've been reconnecting with the identity I put on the back burner when I plunged headfirst into being wife and mother.
Oh, I'm still Mom and Nana, and wife. But having my own life has left me with little time to dwell on things that I really shouldn't be dwelling on, or even concerned with. And silly as it may sound, it's also helped me remember what it was like being my kids ages and just starting out in life. Which helps in our relationships.
So? How did, or are you, all dealing with the Now What issue?
I don't have to worry about making dinner. I can crank my music in the middle of the night. I can go to a movie that *I* want to see.
