BusynMember
Well-Known Member
So the phone rang and I was reading this site and not paying attention to the caller ID and it was 35. I hadn't spoken to him for a few days. My ex is down there. The phone gets shoved in my ear from the other side and ex says, "I'm supposed to ask you something." I said, "What?" He said, "I don't know."
I hear 35 in the background saying "Ask her, ask her!"
So ex asks me if I spent 24/7 playing with Grandson when I was visiting down there. He wants my ex to spend every waking moment playing with his Grandson to form a strong bond so that he will keep paying for the lawyer for the custody battle. A few things about this:
Ex is 66 and has had a serious illness all his life and doesn't have the spark that some still have at 66. He runs out of energy fast and he never could run after little kids and play with them...it was never his thing. He likes to take slow walks or bike rides with little kids and then be done with them. So 35 has him watching Grandson from morning to night and he's probably exhausted and disinterested. Sadly, Grandson keeps asking why Grandpa won't come downstairs and play with him and why Grandpa wants to watch the news, but WHY CALL ME???? Well, of course, I'm supposed to scold him and tell him that I would play with Grandson every second. Even though I've barely seen this child partly due to my son allowing his ex to keep J. away from us. So that's a sore spot for me. I've seen him a year ago...that was the last time.
J. is a very lively kid who does not like to sit still. He is highly intelligent and never gets tired of questions and playing. His mind is always busy. His body matches his mind. I had trouble keeping up with him too! I was relieved with his mother, who was still living there at the time, came home and I could get a rest from running after him and playing with him. He does not like to sit still and be read to or watch television. So anyhow, ex and I had a pleasant exchange. He asked about my husband's eye surgery, and Sonic and Jumper and then 35 took the phone from him.
Guess what? I screwed up! It was my chance to talk to ex about J.,J.,J. and NOBODY else so I could convince him to play with J. every waking second. When I let myself become sidetracked by talk about my husband and kids, I was playing into ex's hands so that he didn't have to hear about J. and how he should spend every moment with him (as if I can still control ex in any way). Or should! 35 went on to say more irrational things, such as I should only concentrate on J. now, not anything else. He berated me for making him get off the phone because I wanted to work out, because Sonic needed me, because Jumper needed me, etc. I should never need to get off the phone while he's going through his custody battle. The world has ended.
Seriously, I told him the phone was out of batteries and hung up. I heard him saying just before I clicked off, "Sure, of course your battery needs charging, more f*** excuses." He doesn't think there is ever any reason for me to have to get off with him. I wonder if he was drunk. I have to get to that Al-Anon meeting soon.
I don't need advice. I know not to talk to him and to hang up when he gets abusive. But this was so off the wall I had to vent. I feel like 35 is the most self-centered person in the universe and it ticks me off so I vent here, even if nobody answers. It feels better.
I don't understand my own child, other than to reiterate he is a classic narcissistic. He does love his son...that I give him...but his siblings mean nothing to him and, in fact, get in his way. How dare I talk about them...or my husband.
I am not going to answer a phone call from him until ex is gone, which gives me three days. Hopefully he will be calmed down by then. If not *click*
I hear 35 in the background saying "Ask her, ask her!"
So ex asks me if I spent 24/7 playing with Grandson when I was visiting down there. He wants my ex to spend every waking moment playing with his Grandson to form a strong bond so that he will keep paying for the lawyer for the custody battle. A few things about this:
Ex is 66 and has had a serious illness all his life and doesn't have the spark that some still have at 66. He runs out of energy fast and he never could run after little kids and play with them...it was never his thing. He likes to take slow walks or bike rides with little kids and then be done with them. So 35 has him watching Grandson from morning to night and he's probably exhausted and disinterested. Sadly, Grandson keeps asking why Grandpa won't come downstairs and play with him and why Grandpa wants to watch the news, but WHY CALL ME???? Well, of course, I'm supposed to scold him and tell him that I would play with Grandson every second. Even though I've barely seen this child partly due to my son allowing his ex to keep J. away from us. So that's a sore spot for me. I've seen him a year ago...that was the last time.
J. is a very lively kid who does not like to sit still. He is highly intelligent and never gets tired of questions and playing. His mind is always busy. His body matches his mind. I had trouble keeping up with him too! I was relieved with his mother, who was still living there at the time, came home and I could get a rest from running after him and playing with him. He does not like to sit still and be read to or watch television. So anyhow, ex and I had a pleasant exchange. He asked about my husband's eye surgery, and Sonic and Jumper and then 35 took the phone from him.
Guess what? I screwed up! It was my chance to talk to ex about J.,J.,J. and NOBODY else so I could convince him to play with J. every waking second. When I let myself become sidetracked by talk about my husband and kids, I was playing into ex's hands so that he didn't have to hear about J. and how he should spend every moment with him (as if I can still control ex in any way). Or should! 35 went on to say more irrational things, such as I should only concentrate on J. now, not anything else. He berated me for making him get off the phone because I wanted to work out, because Sonic needed me, because Jumper needed me, etc. I should never need to get off the phone while he's going through his custody battle. The world has ended.
Seriously, I told him the phone was out of batteries and hung up. I heard him saying just before I clicked off, "Sure, of course your battery needs charging, more f*** excuses." He doesn't think there is ever any reason for me to have to get off with him. I wonder if he was drunk. I have to get to that Al-Anon meeting soon.
I don't need advice. I know not to talk to him and to hang up when he gets abusive. But this was so off the wall I had to vent. I feel like 35 is the most self-centered person in the universe and it ticks me off so I vent here, even if nobody answers. It feels better.
I don't understand my own child, other than to reiterate he is a classic narcissistic. He does love his son...that I give him...but his siblings mean nothing to him and, in fact, get in his way. How dare I talk about them...or my husband.
I am not going to answer a phone call from him until ex is gone, which gives me three days. Hopefully he will be calmed down by then. If not *click*