Another trip to the emergency room ~ difficult child overdosed

[exhausted]

Kathy,I am so sorry. I know how hard it is to teach, be a mom, and worry about a difficult child. The constant roller coaster and trips to professionals and hospitals are draining.I am hoping you can find some help for her. I also wish that Peter Pan would be out of her life so she could move on. This back and forth thing is not good.Stress is a killer for both our difficult children and life is just that.....times of ease mixed with stress. I am praying and thinking of you. ((Hugs))

 

[lovemysons]

Kathy,
What a nightmare! I can only imagine how emotionally drained you must feel this morning...alot of panic for you yesterday. (((((Hugs)))))

I so hope you all are able to get her involuntarily commited if that is what it takes.

Thank G-d your husband came into the house when he did...Just shaking my head at the drama's our difficult child's put themselves and us through.

I hope you're able to get alittle rest today. You must be so tired.
LMS

 

[Kathy813]

It is hitting me more today than yesterday. difficult child's only worry is that the EMT's cut open her shirt and bra to get to her chest. She is complaining that they ruined her clothes.

Sheesh.

 

[Signorina]

{{{{hugs}}} take care of yourself

 

[Marcie Mac]

Am so sorry to hear this Kathy. been there done that. She is so lucky your hub came home when he did

Marcie

 

[DDD]

I have no idea how I missed this post but I'm coming in late with very caring supportive hugs and thoughts. She surely is a complicated difficult child and I'm not qualified to make suggestions based on experience. I do believe, for example, that when you were told you could get her involuntarily commited that it likely is a Baker Act which is for a couple of days so the psychiatrists can evaluate her mental state. Frankly in our community only the highly dangerous seriously ill are kept for treatment.

I understand the conflict but as you know I really advise not depleting your retirement. It's very scarey to age with-o the backup funds that make living pleasant. You and your husband are still "young" but frankly starting at fifty serious health issues can pop up unexpectedly and require a financial cushion. I'm sending caring/supportive prayers and hugs. by the way, please don't forget to keep records so you can apply for Disability for her. It can take years to get it but if she can't function consistently in a healthy independent way she likely is eligible. Hugs DDD

 

[klmno]

If you decide to go the route of involuntary commitment, you might be able to get a hold of a magistrate over the weekend. I'm not sure it would do a lot of good though- it sounds like she'd just walk out as soon as the order period was over.

I'm sorry you (and she) had to go thru this. Clearly she's not thinking rationally.

 

[toughlovin]

Kathy I have been thinking about you and your difficult child a lot.... I am a little more clear headed myself this morning. So I don't know about where you live but here there are two kinds of committments, one is for mental health which would cover suicide attempts and that kind of danger to oneself or others. The other kind is for substance abuse and given that she overdosed, and could have died, I think you could make a case that her substance use is putting her at a danger to herself. Both kind of committments can happen through the courts.

Having gotten my son into so many treatment programs i don't know how much good it will do if she doesnt really want the help unfortunately.... sigh that is such a hard reality as we want to help them so much.

As far as risking your retirement.... I really dont think you should do this unless she is clearly clearly clearly at a place where she wants help and will really do the work to recover. If she isnt then I think it will be your retirement down the drain. I am coming to the point where I think the most important factor in recovery is them wanting it... and there are probably many lower cost options to help with recovery if they truly want it. I just dont think you should put your own financial future at risk, with so little assurance that it will pay off.

TL

 

[92025]

Agree with toughloving - pretend your retirement is not an asset to be accessed for this emergency. There are lots of very expensive for-profit treatment centers. Surely some of them take advantage of the panic and horror of parents once they hear about their IRA's or 401k's, so be cautious. Check out lower cost or free options; especially if difficult child is not that enthused about going to the treatment in the first place. Loads of kids coast through treatment to get their family off their back temporarily and are just wasting money.

 

[ThreeShadows]

Ditto! We are in our 60's. You NEED your retirement.

 

[Nancy]

Kathy our difficult child's think alike.. Instead of being gratefult hat they saved her life she's upset that they cut her blouse and bra.

Today I found out that my difficult child has not paid one electricity or gas bill since she moved into her apartment. I asked her how long she thought she could go without paying before they shut her off and she said "about six months".

I agree that putting your retirement at risk is not an option. Kathy no one is going to be there to take care of you and husband in the future. You need to take care of yourselves. Her therapist should be able to help point you int he right direction. I still think SSI is something to look into.

Nancy

 

[Kathy813]

difficult child would need to quit her job to get SSI because she makes over the limit to qualify. I am so torn since the job can lead to a real skill to support herself someday. I know that it is also hard to get SSI and you usually get turned down the first time so what would she do in the meantime?

A talked to a friend last night whose brother is in his fifties and lived with these issues all of his life. He just got approved for SSI after being turned down once. She said that you have to prove you are self-supporting to qualify and yet you can't make over $600 a month. What a catch-22.

 

[Nancy]

Yes it's really impossible to be self supporting on $600 a month. Well it's somethng to keep in the back of your mind in case this job falls through. I know what you mean about the job, I felt that way when difficult child had the vet assistant job. I was willing to do just about anything to help her keep that job. When she lost it husband said he was devastated and for him it was even worse than her relapsing because he knew that was the best job she would ever have.

Nancy

 

[Kathy813]

A couple of other things . . .

You know how I have said before that whenever I open up about difficult child's problems the person I am talking to always seems to have a difficult child relative? Well, it happened again. I was sitting in the front seat next to the ambulance driver and he asked me about difficult child. I gave him a brief history and he replied that he had a brother with all of those issues.

Another morbid humor moment. . . husband was talking about the fact that there were at least 15 people in our house at one point yesterday when they where bringing difficult child back from the dead. I remarked, "Thank goodness the cleaning lady had just cleaned our house."

If I don't laugh I cry.

 

[Kathy813]

The real advantage to SSI would be that she would be eligible for Medicaid. If the Affordable Health Care act is not repealed or dismantled, difficult child would be able to get covered by insurance in 2013. That is not meant as a political message. That is a mother hoping that her mentally ill daughter can finally be covered by insurance and be able to get some help with her illness which we don't have to pay for and get emergency care without huge bills that she will never be able to pay back.

 

[DDD]

Amen, Kathy, Amen. Hugs DDD

 

[busywend]

Kathy, so sorry it took me so long to read this. You must be in shock. I agree with those that say you should not use your retirement to help at this point. I think she has proven that any help you pay for could be wasted again. Seek out other supports that exist. Huge hugs for your hurting mommy heart.

 

[lonelyroad]

My biggest fear..to come home to this...on the days our daughter refuses to go to school and is left alone all medications are hidden but she is 14...

My heart goes out to you....no words....

 

[Steely]

Just read this...sending all the strength love and support I have. I am so very sorry.

 

[PatriotsGirl]

Oh my goodness. I just can't imagine. I don't even know what to say. Is she at least apologetic for what her father found when he came home? That is truly a prental nightmare. How scary!! I am so sorry for you both...