Any suggestions for Manic

[ShyChelle]

Hi,

My son didn't go to school today like he is supposed to. His bio dad went up there with girlfriend to see if he was there and found out he wasn't there all day even though he was personally driven to school. difficult child came home as if he had been at school today and when I called him on it he started yelling and screaming and hitting his head against a chair and ramming his fist into his head. He had friends outside so I let him go cause there was no way he was going to calm down no matter how calmly I talked. He came back and he is still flipped out because he hates being here, is upset with himself he says, upset he wont be getting the money his dad was to give him for his birthday cause he ditched school and is so aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. Don't know how else to describe it. I actually am hiding in my room to some extent because nothing I can say or do makes it better. He doesn't see that his actions cause it.. and if he does he doesn't want to do what is necessary to try to make it better. I feel like screaming calgon take me away. High low high low is driving me crazy. I have like a ton of stress lately. My difficult child of course, and his impending doom, school, I was fired 3 wks ago, my family, and to compound it bio-dad who hasn't been really in difficult child life now wants to be involved. He went to my son's school today to talk to principle without even consulting me. He asked a week ago if I would call up to the school so he could get difficult child attendance and talk to principle. I wasn't really into that since he doesn't really know what is going on with difficult child because everytime I try to clue him in and ask for help he thinks I am hitting on him. GRRrrrr calling to tell you when your son's game is or that he is in the hospital or is missing isn't me trying to get with him. ugghhhhh. Maybe I should just scream it CALGON TAKE ME AWAY!!!!!! My son is predicting he will be locked up by the end of the month. What do you say to that.. I am so worn out. I just don't think I have anymore... what do you do or say, can anything help to calm the situation...

 

[everywoman]

Around here, we call it detachment. He doesn't go to school, then he faces the consequences. It is his responsibility. Do you think he doesn't know what will happen if PO finds out he has been truant? He knows. Your telling him isn't going to do either of you any good. When my son was at his worst, I worked on just keeping things that were his responsibility in his realm and our relationship in another. He knew where his behaviors would lead, so if he asked me, "Do you think I'm going to go to jail?" I'd say, well that is not up to me. I don't want you in jail. I quit nagging about school, homework, questionable friends. But, I also quit with the niceties. I didn't say unless you go to school, you won't get an allowance. I just quit with the allowance. In my house it became do to get. You do what you are supposed to, you get extras. You don't, you get was is needed---a roof over your head and food to eat. My difficult child watched his younger sister graduate from high school the night he was supposed to. He saw her get the new car. He saw her get the graduation presents. But, I never said you could have had them too. He already knew that. Detach. Detach. Let natural consequences come into play. You don't go to school, you don't do the work, you don't graduate. You don't have a job, you have no money. You break the law, you go to jail.
It's hard to do, but it makes your life so much better.

 

[ShyChelle]

Thank you for that. I have been. People are like what are you going to do.. what do you think we should do about difficult child? Any suggestions? So why do you think difficult child did that? I have been letting thing happen naturally. He ran up the cell phone bill... it got turned off. He wanted me to buy more xbox live... but I told him I can't if he wants it doesn't he have money coming from his dad. I wake him up and if he doesn't go I don't argue or harp anymore. I told his PO today and tomorrow he might go to jail wich will be hard but he made it.

I am more worried about the times he freaks out. I feel so lost during those times. I don't want him to hurt himself or me or any one or anything. It scares me.

 

[witzend]

everywoman gives excellent advice. It's a long hard road, but it starts with a first step. Your son is being very flippant and abusive to you. "Do to get" is something that is very easy for him to understand. He's pretty full of himself to think you are going to buy him xbox games when he's acting like that. I know it can be tempting to buy him something when he has calmed down, but it only makes them think that they get what they want by having a hissy fit then turning it off and ignoring you. Sad to say, I know this from experience. With M, he was about that age. He wasn't into the hitting himself and stuff, he would just climb out his window and disappear.

It took a long time, and we are still on the mend, but it didn't stop until we stopped rewarding his bad behavior with nice things like a car and video games and new clothes. He had the hissy fit of all hissy fits, but we all got past it, eventually.

Good luck!