Mother's Day is a day of reflection for me. My mom has been gone 19 years and I still miss her so much. I think back to one of the last conversations I had with her, she and my dad were traveling and she called to wish me a happy birthday only it wasn't a happy one. My son who was 16 at the time was on the run again. He was in a court ordered group home and he ran away. I shared this information with my mom and her response was "do you think he'll try to make it to our town and break into our house?"
Not a memory I cherish at all but it's there. While I am reminded of it, I do not dwell on it as it serves no good purpose. I move on to happier memories of my mom and feel her love in my spirit.
I reflect on the fact that I have only one child. I cherish that I was able to feel him grow inside of me and am reminded of the women who long for that feeling but will never know it because they cannot bear children. I was blessed to give birth to a beautiful healthy baby. I cherish those early memories.
Then there's my son. I honestly cannot remember the last time he wished me a happy mother's day. This year will be no different as he's in jail.
It's easy to find ourselves focusing on the bad memories, it's a choice and an effort to focus on the good ones. I choose to focus on the fact that I did the best job I could as a mom. I remind myself that my son's life choices are his alone and I will not allow them to reflect on me.
I will spend my day planting flowers in the pots I have on my patio. The weather here is supposed to be fantastic so I will embrace the warmth of the sun on my face. I will listen to the birds singing their spring songs. I will choose to be happy on this mother's day.
to the amazing, beautiful mothers here at the CD board.
