At a crossroads, need advice please

[toughlovin]

I dont have an issue at all with people sharing their experiences, including experiences with God. Where it starts getting uncomfortable for me is when people speak as if everyone reading has the same beliefs...so it is worth remembering that not everyone does.

For the record I am pretty agnostic... I go to a UU church because I like the community. I have an idea of a higher power but it is pretty nebulous and more around the power of community than any kind of personal God.

I think there are all kinds of ways for people to get sober and people have different paths.

PG I am so so glad your daughter has found a program that is helping her.... I remember the heartache and frantic worry you have been through, and almost any belief is better than meth.

My son is an atheist and he is very turned off by too much God talk in some programs. It does not bother me that he does not believe in God as I think there are many ways to think of a higher power. If he got involved in a religious program and became a devout Christian I have to admit that would worry me..... but I also would rather have that than addiction to drugs.

 

[PatriotsGirl]

I guess we all worry about different things. I will stick to my original opinion that if you do not like the subject matter of a particular thread, then bow out of it. There are many, many other threads to participate in. But I will not hide or deny my beliefs to cater to those that feel uncomfortable. I think that is wrong to ask anyone. I don't care if you worship a purple rock. Go ahead and talk about it - I would never ask someone not to simply because I don't worship that purple rock.

I am thrilled that my daughter is a Christian and for the record, she was one long before she went to rehab. Rehab has simply taught her to lean on that and draw from that in her recovery.

Anyhow, I am now bowing out of this conversation...have a wonderful Sunday.

 

[AppleCori]

lovemyson1 & PatriotsGirl,

Just want to say how thrilled I am to read about your young adult's recoveries! These kinds of stories give me hope for the rest of us.
Please keep posting!

 

[lovemyson1]

For the record I'm not here to put my faith on anyone at all. However, I thought this forum allows us to share our experiences and that's all I am doing. If my experience includes my sons walk with God, why wouldn't I add that to my story? I respect all and only want to get and give loving support to each of us. We are all battling a very difficult time with our Difficult Child's so I would never want my thread to becoming hostile and unhelpful.

 

[AppleCori]

lovemyson1,

I went back and read the whole thread (instead of just skimming like I had previously done) and I just don't see anything wrong with anything you have said.

I am very interested in all aspects of your son's recovery, as well as Patriot Girl's story, and everyone else's successes.

Please continue to post!

 

[Lil]

For the record I'm not here to put my faith on anyone at all. However, I thought this forum allows us to share our experiences and that's all I am doing. If my experience includes my sons walk with God, why wouldn't I add that to my story?

As far as I'm concerned, if a person is writing their own experience and those of their child and that experience is a religious one...then by all means discuss it to your heart's content. Anyone offended by talk of God should bow out of the thread when it becomes apparent it's not to their taste, as I'm sure a Christian would ignore something and not bring your religion into it if the poster was, for instance, a Scientologist, and you find that distasteful. (Not that any of us do, but you get my point.) You don't have to be insulting to anyone else as long as they aren't insulting you.

Each to their own folks. If lovemyson1 and her son are devout Christians and that is part of his recovery, of course it will be discussed and the thread will have a very definite Christian flavor! They aren't insulting anyone else, they're talking about themselves!

 

[Childofmine]

Could it be that there is truth in all of this? I am a Christian and I see truth in other faiths and points of view.

Warm hugs to all. I want to find truth and help and support and a way forward and appreciate so many points of view.

Thanks to you all.

 

[BusynMember]

Hey, we post our hearts here. I think most of us do believe in some sort of God or Higher Power and I would feel very restricted if I could not speak about my beliefs, but that doesn't mean I'm trying to talk others into having them. I do not find this post offensive at all nor do I feel that a belief that you are not just wasted dust when you die (in fact that is kind of depressing to me) a bad thing. It's a positive post full of hope.

Just because all of us have differing belief systems does not mean we can't share ours...what is in essence helping to hold us together and get through the grinding days. I like hearing positivity from anyone's point of view. I think we have a common ground here that way transcends differences in beliefs. Many addicts get clean putting their life in God's hand, as they understand God, and that should not offend ANYBODY.

 

[Rina]

I would like to support what many people here have said and encourage you not to bring him home. I've seen many addiction specialists, and they all recommend at least one year stay at a rehab program.
Addicts use drugs to deal with stressors. Because of their drug use, they haven't developed the emotional skills necessary to cope. Their emotional development stopped. I don't think that one can make up for all that in 77 days.
It may be appropriate to transfer your son to a different program, but I would like to encourage you to support him in continuing treatment. Whatever you choose, I hope the outcome will be good. Take care.

 

[Kathy813]

lovemyson1, I am going to take all religion out of my post and just talk about your son leaving rehab. My daughter always did well when she was in an inpatient program, too. They are surrounded by people who support their sobriety and they are constantly supervised and attend daily meetings. Not to mention that they know that they can be drug tested at any time.

The real test is when the addict/substance abuser leaves that level of support. It would be impossible for you to monitor him 24/7. That is when my daughter always relapsed. Your son is in very early recovery and even if he (and you) believe that he has permanently changed he may find it is much harder to be strong when he leaves inpatient treatment . . . especially if he returns to the same environment where he was using before.

Just my two cents.

~Kathy

 

[lovemyson1]

Kathy, it actually scares me when I think about what you said. It's true, he is in a controlled environment. Where he's at he has a very rigid schedule to follow. So I see why he is so successful at this point. I guess the real test will be when he's on his own. I believe he needs to start having self-accountability which means he needs to give himself his own schedule and decide to do what's healthy & right on his own so that when he does leave, he will already be on his own positive life start. I agree the longer he's there the more tools and life skills he will get. This is what I will recommend to him, if he's not already doing this. Great input, thanks.

 

[PatriotsGirl]

Agreed - that is why they move into the graduate houses on site at my daughter's program. They have their own house that they need to clean, cook, work a job and take care of their children while being on site so they also have that support right there. I truly believe it will be absolutely essential to her long term recovery. They always say that their goal is longevity!!

 

[Kathy813]

lovemyson1, that is why aftercare is so important. The next step for your son (when the current staff thinks he is ready) would be an intensive outpatient program combined with a halfway house where he is still supervised but starts making his own decisions. Going directly from an inpatient program to home would not provide that important step-down in care.

 

[lovemyson1]

I'm just not sure about the after program. He was in one before and eventually relapsed. They had no control over him and he passed the drug testing when he was using. I honestly believe that when he's ready, it will be his choice to stay clean and sober, not some halfway house. I do hope and pray he stays where he is until that time. But ultimately, I'm very aware that I have no control over him.

 

[Kathy813]

lovemyson1, there are good halfway houses and bad ones. My daughter has been in both. It sounds like the one that your son was at wasn't a very good one.

But you are right, it is ultimately up to him to stay sober.

 

[BusynMember]

LMS, he can relapse just as easily at home.

We tried hard to follow our kid and restrict who she was with and we were very diligent, but she continued to use drugs anyway until she decided to quit. Your son has such a good start. I think home would be stressful for him. I like the step down idea very much.

 

[Childofmine]

LMS1, the key to having even a good chance to stay sober is a good support system, and it goes without saying that he must want to be sober.

All of the good support in the world can't make it happen unless he wants it to happen. Having said that, if he does want it to happen, make sure he has all of the support possible.

That very likely would not be defined as living in your house and it would not be defined as you managing the aspects of his life. Think about it; that isn't feasible on any level.

Relapse is part of the disease, so relapsing doesn't mean failure. It means relapse. To us, we parents, it means failure. I think we are wrong there, but we are so desperate for change and we hang on every possible thing that might mean change, so when they circle back to drugs and alcohol...we spell it failure.

It's part of the disease.

Hang in there.

 

[lovemyson1]

We saw him yesterday and he is just so full of life and energy! On his own he said when he leaves the place he's at he wants to find new friends and never contact his old friends. He knows how important it is to make that change. That meant so much to hubby and I. He continues to say that he is staying not because he doesn't think he's ready to leave, but because he wants to help others while he's there. He has been praying for God to take away his self-absorbtion. He's really focused and realistic about his goals. I'm just still so grateful and hopeful. Wanted to share some sunshine with you good people!

 

[lovemyson1]

He's been home since Sunday. He's doing great, he's respectful, helpful, motivated and disciplined. He already got a job and started today. Tonight we're going to church. He told us the reason he relapsed before was because he didn't want to grow up and face resposibilities. He now is ready and we are going to embrace him and support him as he grows. Of course he knows he will not be welcome to stay if he goes back to drugs. We gave him a 3 month contract to meet specific goals or he will need to leave. We will continue the 3 month contract until he is able to be on his own. I love him so much and I'm so grateful for his change. Just wanted to share with you wonderful people!

 

[Lil]

lms1, It's wonderful to read such an optimistic post. I do hope that things go well. Please keep us informed and, should things go bad, remember that we're here for you. Fingers crossed and prayers said for you.