Back from a visit: Update

[RN0441]

Both of our older sons got engaged recently. One is getting married in 2019 and the other has not set a date yet.

We are giving each of our boys $5k for a wedding gift. They can either put it towards the wedding or honeymoon or whatever they choose. My BFF gave this to each of her daughters so that is where I got this amount. It sounds generous enough but won't break the bank either. We have also told them we'd give them money towards a house down payment if they moved near us. Not likely that will happen though!

 

[BusynMember]

Awesome, RN!!!!!! Such wonderful news!

We gave our engaged daughter a really nice down payment for a house, but she does live near us. Not so sure we would have given so much if they had bought far away. I get it. Not sure what we are giving for a wedding gift. Groom has 300 generous family members attending (yes, grooms family is graciously and gladly helping to pay for this wedding because our boundaries were a small wedding) and Hunter and Jumper are sure to have a great economic start to their marriage. We have also bought an RV and boat and the boat is more for them than us....we shall see. We plan on buying property they can go to any time. Anyway....

such happiness for you! May you reap every blessing that you deserve! And prayers for your don in rehab,! May all his dreams come true. And yours.

 

[Lil]

Well...we'll be happy to pitch in on the wedding as best we can. Being so far away, we can't do much but throw money at it I suppose. We certainly can't afford the kind of gifts you ladies gave/give. But we're planning on a decently sized (for us) monetary gift at the wedding.

 

[Lil]

Well he got a job! But he's hinting about his computer payment...since he won't get paid in time to make it this week.

Have to think about that.

 

[BusynMember]

Lil, we were going to pay up to 150 people and minimal bar. But our family is small and we didnt want to pay for everyone to drink nonstop. We already helped the kids tons. Grooms mom decided she wanted to invite all her relatives and friends and decided to take over the bar and buses to the hotel from the venue. It was very much appreciated. But it was because we cant afford 300 plus guests, their food and bar for all. Mom decided to expand wedding list and even her son thinks its a bit extreme but on the very positive side, the kids are going to get a wonderful start financially. So nobody is complaining. This is groom's moms first kid getting married...and they have a small nuclear family, two boys. And I think Mom doesnt want anyone she knows to miss it

Lil, I think huge weddings are silly but as long as grooms family will pitch in they can invite 1000 people as this benefits the kids. Hunter has a very nice family but we didnt ask them to pay. We just told Jumper what we felt we could cover and they picked up from there.

 

[Copabanana]

But it was because we cant afford 300 plus guests, their food and bar for all.

Wow. This would be completely out of my league, and really, in my mind, a bit excessive. I have a friend that did this kind of wedding for her daughter and within a couple of years they divorced. What a waste of money. Your daughter and future son in law are sweet and tolerant to go along with it. I bet they would have been happier with what you were more comfortable with. But it is to their credit that they are indulging the mother. Is this not supposed to be about love, and a promise to be there for each other for the rest of their lives? The bigger is the extravaganza the more room for glitches, I think. But I think your daughter is giving, she will rise to the occasion no matter what.

I could afford, say 50-75 people, with wine. And I would cook.

Gee. I wish my son would get married. But first, I would like him to move into an apartment, off the street. And a job would be nice.

 

[BusynMember]

Jumper and Hunter are both extremely mellow and neither are even a little upset. They just want everyone to be happy and get along.

Daughter and Hunter picked venue, hotel, food, DJ....they picked it all out. We bought Daughter a blushingly expensive dress because she loved it and we wanted her to love it. Jumper is our baby and quite spoiled! But she is a GREAt kid and for one only 22 has done a lot for us without us asking. She is in my opinion the kid everyone hopes for in every way. Our youngest three are all amazing.

My guess is Hunters extended family may be helping .... Grandparents etc. We just dont have that. I agree that anyone can be divorced in two years. I dont think this will be the case with these two....both are from stable, intact families and have conservative family values but you can never know for sure.


Huge weddings are in my opinion a waste. Plus I dont like large anything and the wedding plans started out small and probably not everyone will come on his side. They will on ours! And her friends have been close to her forever and she feels they will all come. But not everyone will show up on his side.

It is what it is. I am very excited and regarding these two, I am thinking that the future looks very bright. If they fall apart in twenty years....who knows? But i think they will have many happy prosperous years with much love and hopefully kids while we are still alive!

 

[Lil]

Well, son's fiancée doesn't want a bit wedding...but she may get one anyway. Her mom apparently wants to invite everyone under the sun. Fiancée - I'm going to start calling her "C" because it's too hard to keep typing fiancée - would be very happy getting married at a courthouse and having a party afterwards. Mom wants to take her wedding dress shopping. I asked if she had a quinceañera (for those who don't know it's a Latin American thing - a big party for a girl's 15th birthday as opposed to a sweet 16 - kind of a coming of age thing) and she said yes...that her parent's had probably dropped $10k on that party! So yeah...they go big for special occasions. She's not the oldest daughter, but is the first daughter to marry...so...

I told her to keep reminding her mom that our son will have about 4 people on his side of the family come and he will feel bad if they have 300.

Anyway. Up to her parents to pay for that. Not us. I'll happily chip in a bit if necessary. It's traditional (American tradition at least) for the groom's family to pay for the rehearsal dinner. I don't know what the Mexican tradition there is. But hopefully they'll let us know.

 

[BusynMember]

Well, son's fiancée doesn't want a bit wedding...but she may get one anyway. Her mom apparently wants to invite everyone under the sun. Fiancée - I'm going to start calling her "C" because it's too hard to keep typing fiancée - would be very happy getting married at a courthouse and having a party afterwards. Mom wants to take her wedding dress shopping. I asked if she had a quinceañera (for those who don't know it's a Latin American thing - a big party for a girl's 15th birthday as opposed to a sweet 16 - kind of a coming of age thing) and she said yes...that her parent's had probably dropped $10k on that party! So yeah...they go big for special occasions. She's not the oldest daughter, but is the first daughter to marry...so...

I told her to keep reminding her mom that our son will have about 4 people on his side of the family come and he will feel bad if they have 300.

Anyway. Up to her parents to pay for that. Not us. I'll happily chip in a bit if necessary. It's traditional (American tradition at least) for the groom's family to pay for the rehearsal dinner. I don't know what the Mexican tradition there is. But hopefully they'll let us know.

LOL! It will be disproportionate in Jumpers wedding too. We will have 20-30 including Jumpers closest friends.

Groom's Mom is very sweet but also a bit pushy (right here I want totsay IIreally like her) and I think she is used to running things with the three men in her family. And since nobody is upset, I dont think anyone is going to lobby for a change. I can certainly see a big advantage to these two getting a huge financial boost from all these people. Mums the word

 

[Jabberwockey]

LOL! It will be disproportionate in Jumpers wedding too. We will have 20-30 including Jumpers closest friends.

But for our son, it will only reinforce his idea that my siblings hate him even though the reality is that those who don't come will only do so because they either cant afford the trip or cant get off of work. I would prefer a smaller wedding myself but its not mine so I get zero say so.

 

[RN0441]

Our son is having under 100 guests. They want it small so that is good.

They are very money conscious which is also good. Son makes six figures though so they will do fine. My son is 31 so old enough to pay for his own wedding. Fiancee is 29 and her family is wealthy so helping out a bit. She is working on masters and works full time from home teaching English to children in Beijing. How cool is that!

 

[BusynMember]

Jabber, I understand. In our case everyone is close by and can come.

Jumper is also just a very flexible, easy going young woman. She goes with the flow. Nobody hates making waves or causing conflict more than her. Everything reasonable is okay with her and if someone couldnt come to her wedding...truly couldnt (which is different than wont) she would just blow it off.

Bart wont come. I will have to push him to send a gift. She didnt even want to invite him so she wont care either way.