My 29 year old daughter called yesterday, and I answered- I haven’t communicated with her in months. It was deja vu- she was pleading for money, a room, to come stay here with her boyfriend. She s cold, she’s hungry, she’s going to die from hypothermia, none of her friends can believe how awful we are to deny her help. She glosses over the fact that we have already gone the route of setting her up with a room and paying the first few months rent,after rehab # 1. She minimizes the times she broke into our home and stole from us, or broke down our bedroom door when she was still living at home. The times we paid off her credit cards, got her a car, etc. etc.
I foolishly hoped that after her second stint in rehab last winter she would get it together, especially as she wanted to get her baby back out of foster care. I blocked her from my phone, but my husband couldn’t quite bring himself to do so. We didn’t hear much over the summer, but come September the begging started again, along with her insistence that she’s doing everything possible to put her life back together. Then we got a letter about her court hearing- she had met none of the requirements stipulated by Child Services, and tested positive for amphetamines.
I told her yesterday that I am simply too old for this anymore, that I’m under doctors advice to have no contact until she has been living responsibly for at least a year. She doesn’t get it , and doesn’t care. I am scared she will try to come here, though we now have a security system and a restraining order against her.
Fortunately, I am further along with letting go than I was a year ago. I have a life I very much enjoy, and continue to see a therapist to deal with the guilt. But as you all know, it’s still very hard. She is our only child, but she’s a complete stranger now, and I struggle to find the meaning in all the years of her happy childhood.
This site is invaluable to me. I find such reassurance from the commonality of our situations, to know I’m not alone.
Hugs to all
I foolishly hoped that after her second stint in rehab last winter she would get it together, especially as she wanted to get her baby back out of foster care. I blocked her from my phone, but my husband couldn’t quite bring himself to do so. We didn’t hear much over the summer, but come September the begging started again, along with her insistence that she’s doing everything possible to put her life back together. Then we got a letter about her court hearing- she had met none of the requirements stipulated by Child Services, and tested positive for amphetamines.
I told her yesterday that I am simply too old for this anymore, that I’m under doctors advice to have no contact until she has been living responsibly for at least a year. She doesn’t get it , and doesn’t care. I am scared she will try to come here, though we now have a security system and a restraining order against her.
Fortunately, I am further along with letting go than I was a year ago. I have a life I very much enjoy, and continue to see a therapist to deal with the guilt. But as you all know, it’s still very hard. She is our only child, but she’s a complete stranger now, and I struggle to find the meaning in all the years of her happy childhood.
This site is invaluable to me. I find such reassurance from the commonality of our situations, to know I’m not alone.
Hugs to all