Borderline (BPD)

[ChickPea]

Kay almost surely has Borderline (Borderline (Borderline (BPD))) although to her she is normal and the world just does her wrong.

Same. Thank you and sorry are foreign words for our girl. Especially Thank you. Everything is owed.

Grandbaby is sleeping so I have a quick second. My daughter told me she was diagnosis twice. Once after high school, and once recently.

The 9 symptoms of Borderline (BPD) - Source https://www.helpguide.org/articles/mental-disorders/borderline-personality-disorder.htm

1. Fear of abandonment. Yes, manifesting (in her) in controlling check-ins and weird behaviors. The other day she texted that she was in the back of an ambulance with a broken leg because I did not pick up the phone when she called me (she was trying to get my attention; not injured). She will tell me she hates me and I'm a rotten b-word, then call later for comfort, not apologizing.
2. Unstable relationships. Yes
3. Unclear or shifting self-image. Yes - hates herself, then posts half-naked body positive posts... is a victim of domestic violence, a survivor (most of the time)...
4. Impulsive, self-destructive behaviors. YES with an extreme emphasis
5. Self-harm. Threatens all the time... has cut on multiple occasions
6. Extreme emotional swings. Yup, and can last for hours or days...
7. Chronic feelings of emptiness. Yes
8. Explosive anger. Abso-freaking-loooooly
9. Feeling suspicious or out of touch with reality. Yes, and yes

You can read the descriptions on the page.

Sadly, I've been watching videos about mothers with Borderline (BPD) and it's not giving me much hope. I think I, and my husband, have carried the brunt of her madness over the years, often the target of things. I fear deeply that her son could be the target. I can't imagine the stories she will put in his little head, the lies... it's been making me quite sad and sick to think about.

 

[BusynMember1]

Kay is yes to all of these too. I thought she had bipolar at first but when I read this I knew it was borderline. Bipolar is not as extreme as her behaviors are. She can and has had meltdowns like childish tantrums. She cut herself and uses substances. She has no sense of who she is and seems to pick up the personality of who she is with. I don't even know her. She changes on a dime. She is always angry and never seems to go to that happy place where manics go.

I had to accept this and she will not accept help.

For those of us who live or lived with this, it is devestating. Nothing I ever tried worked for more than a day.

There are high and low functioning borderlines. Kay is very low functioning. She never worked. She can't take care of herself or her child. She fights with her husband. She is overly charming and pleasant only when we offer her something. She can not hear NO.

Prayers and love sent.

 

[Triedntrue]

My son is diagnosed bi polar but this really fits him as well. It doesn't really matter to me as he won't seek help. Went balistic last night at his hotel after a nice day. Called at 1 am and said if i go to hospital will you support me because i won't be able to work. Can't disclose the reasoning. too much information. He then told me never to contact him again i am dead to him because i said no. He is blocked and i am depressed.

 

[Kathy813]

Does your daughter have substance abuse issues? If so, you really can't be sure if it is addiction or mental illness. The behaviors overlap.

How do I know? I was sure my daughter had Borderline (BPD). She fit all of the criteria and she actually went through DBT for a while. She was also diagnosed along the way with bi-polar and clinical depression. The problem was that every time we saw a new doctor or therapist (and we saw many), the diagnosis changed.

We hired an Interventionist who told us that 80% of the time the mental illness symptoms went away with sobriety. I had a hard time believing it until it turned out to be true.

My daughter has been sober for 4.5 years. She still takes an anti-depressant but shows no signs of the various disorders she had been diagnosed with over the years. She has a great job, gone back to school, got married last November, and is a wonderful, loving daughter.

For those of you that don't know my story, my daughter took us to the depths of hell for over 10 years. Lying, stealing, multiple overdoses, xanax and heroin addiction, as well as being an alcoholic. If she can get sober, there is hope for all of your loved ones!

 

[ChickPea]

For those of you that don't know my story, my daughter took us to the depths of hell for over 10 years. Lying, stealing, multiple overdoses, xanax and heroin addiction, as well as being an alcoholic. If she can get sober, there is hope for all of your loved ones!

Now this is very interesting. I often wonder about that. The only time my daughter has been sober (I hope) was from months 3-9 during pregnancy, really. And that was a bit of a dry drunk. She was better, but her behaviors/mood were still off (lying, depression) I do wish she would be able to be sober for a year and try medications to see if that might help her.

 

[Kathy813]

ChickPea, when a person stops using, they still exhibit addictive behaviors. They have to work at changing those behaviors. For my daughter, it was NA and a wonderful sponsor who helped my daughter change back into the person she was before her active addiction.

She worked through the 12-steps several times and attended meetings regularly. She made a new friend group of people in recovery. Two of those friends were bridesmaids at her wedding. Even now, she averages one meeting a week. I find it ironic that NA turned out to be the answer for her since she was adamantly against 12-step groups while she was drinking and using drugs.

It was also not just her that got help. I went to therapy for two years to learn how to stop my co-dependent behavior. I had to learn to set firm boundaries and let her fall. My husband joined me during the second year. When we finally learned how to set and keep firm boundaries and stop rescuing her, she got better.

When she got married last November, she and her now husband wrote their own vows. She read them to my younger daughter and me the night before the wedding. She mentioned one of the 12-steps in her vows and I asked her if she really wanted to say that in front of everyone. She said it was a part of her and her history and she was proud of how far she has come and had no problem with sharing that at her wedding.

Yup, brought tears to my eyes.