Check in thread - how are you all?

[MissLulu]

I'd love to know how everyone is doing right now!

Me - I have no real update to speak of. Things are the same with my son. He is working still (thank God) and living independently from us. He has a steady girlfriend who is sensible and seems to be a good influence on him, so we pray that she will stick around. I was worried about her being with him at first (for her sake, because of his unstable moods) but she seems to know how to handle him. She comes from a nice family and has plenty of friends, so she has a good healthy support system around her. I don't think she will put up with any crap from him (at least this is my hope!) I know that sounds good (and it is) but I am still traumatised by things that have happened in the past and I don't trust that this stable period will last. Trying my best to take it one day at a time.

Personally, I have had a period of doing well and coping better, but I still have low days. I still have worry running through my brain like a constant soundtrack - sometimes the sound is louder than others. I'm trying my best not to give in to the worry and to distract myself with things that I enjoy when the low moods strike.

My husband and I bought a van and we are converting it to a camper! Our youngest will head off to university next year and we will be empty nesters. We are both still working (we are only in our 50s) so we will be taking short trips to begin with, but hoping to do longer ones as time goes on.

I'd truly love to hear how all of you are going and how your Difficult Child is doing now.

 

[Copabanana]

Dear Ms. Lulu

I really liked reading about your life and family, your son, and the van conversion. That's great news about the girlfriend. Even if doesn't last, that he is interested in a woman like that, is a good thing, I think.

I am no longer so sad as I was. Still a little bit sad, but not despairing. The hardest time is when I sleep. I've heard nothing from my son and it's good that way.

I feel that not much is happening in terms of progress towards goals, or fun, but in spite of that, I feel more settled and connected to myself and my strengths. I am somebody that needs and wants a lot of excitement and intensity. I filled that need through my work and travel. It's interesting to learn to live in a different way where intensity and connection come from inside of myself. And gardening, walking, and reading. For me finding a way to be happy in a way that is not tied to external things is a positive development from Coronavirus.

I hope others post too. I am interested in how people are doing. Thank you for this thread, Ms. Lulu.

 

[MissLulu]

I'm glad you are feeling a little better, Copa. It's sad that you have not heard from your son, but in many ways this is probably for the best right now.

I too have filled my need for excitement through work and travel and have had to change my outlook somewhat since the beginning of the pandemic. We are doing okay here in Australia now. My state went through months and months of lockdown and it was really depressing (necessary in my opinion, but hard nonetheless). The wonderful thing to come out of that lockdown was that we were all forced to slow down for a time and find ways to enrich out lives that were more introspective than previously. The other big bonus has been learning to appreciate the things we have. Just this weekend my husband and I have been away in our capital city to celebrate our wedding anniversary. We stayed in a lovely hotel and had a nice dinner and then breakfast in the hotel this morning. We haven't been able to do anything like that for almost 12 months so we really savoured the experience.

We are very lucky that there are almost no cases in Australia at the moment. None in the community but a few in quarantine - all people entering Australia from overseas are quarantined in special quarantine centres or quarantine hotels for 14 days after arrival. So, with no cases outside quarantine, things are starting to go back to normal here. Even so, I hope we don't forget the lessons learned in this unusual time we've all been through.

 

[Enmeshedmom]

My son quit smoking pot about a year ago and just left for boot camp on Tuesday. I’m so proud and excited for what’s to come but also worried about all the what if’s. We can’t go to his graduation because of COVID and we aren’t promised a livestream but they are going to try. He also won’t get to come home before going to his station. He was so nervous, I’m a mess.

 

[ksm]

I am using talk-to-text to write this so if I miss some of the mistakes I apologize in advance.

I haven't posted much since granddaughter had a baby almost a year ago. I have not posted since then. It seemed like she was a very attentive mom for the first 6 months. There has always been drama between her and her boyfriend. In mid-January we helped her purchase a vehicle yes we were still driving her to and from work. And now it seems as if things have gone worse. The car is 18 years old so it's not a large Financial investment. And we did a secure loan for her to pay back $1,000 high paying $50 every other week.

 

[ksm]

Part 2...

I can't edit original...

I am using talk-to-text to write this so if I miss some of the mistakes I apologize in advance.

I haven't posted much since granddaughter had a baby almost a year ago. I have not posted since then. It seemed like she was a very attentive mom for the first 6 months. There has always been drama between her and her boyfriend. In mid-January we helped her purchase a vehicle as we were still driving her to and from work. And now it seems as if things have gotten worse. The car is 18 years old so it's not a large Financial investment. And we did a secure loan for her to pay back $1,000 high paying $50 every other week

Unfortunately, he has been driving it and it no longer looks like the well taken care of vehicle that it was. He is 23 and has never had a license, but has many tickets for driving without one. There are different colored paint scrapes on both sides of the car, a side mirror is missing and a dent.

His mother has reached out to me that she thinks he is using again, not just weed. She called for a welfare check on the baby and the police was called. She is an alcoholic and she is scared that they will lose the baby to CPS. He has had termination of rights to two other children. And so did those babies moms. She thinks she can have the baby removed, placed with her brother and his wife who are a foster family. I tried to explain that is not how it works. She was the only one home and police felt things were safe, but t it was a close call...

Last week police was called again, two men broke into their apartment thru the bedroom window. DGD has a friend staying there as she had broke up with her boyfriend.. it was her boyfriend and his friend who broke in and battered her, and DGD called 911. They are now in jail on 100,000. Bond.

Besides all that, our neighbor is in hospice. Two years ago she came to us and asked us to have power of attorney for medical decisions. We said yes. She had a family member she did not trust. And now we understand why. My husband, I and a long term friend and coworker of hers was named. After she ended up in the ER a week ago, we opened the packet of papers and found she had given us regular powers of attorney.

We called her attorney on Monday morning and he told us that we needed to go to her bank and be added to her account. Then we played detectives and started canceling her cable and wifi. She only had enough to pay for cremation. We arranged all that.

The attorney who drew up The Power of Attoyrney papers said she did not make a will with him. She had wanted us to be the executor of the will and was going to call the attorney but got sick too fast to arrange anything. The neice that she was worried about was upset that we had stepped in and was caring for her. She never asked about her aunt. A co-worker said she used a specific financial planner so I went to his office with my papers and he printed out what she had invested. 2 years ago when she named us for end-of-life she removed her niece from her 401k. There is $57,000 in that account and she left it to her friend and co-worker. Her friend had no idea!

The neice went ito ttorney's office where she thought there was a will and she does have one but instead of the niece being the executor she named the nieces mother as executor. The niece is also estranged from her mom. After the niece threw a fit there she went to the Mortuary and threw a fit there, too.

Then she was upset that she was not listed as a visitor at the hospice house. It's been quite a roller coaster ride this week. She has been unresponsive for the past week and the nurses always surprised to come back to work the next day and she still there. I spent three nights sleeping in the recliner in her room as I thought death was imminent. But she's not. She never married and never had kids it was a very strong lady. She has dealt with Parkinson's and gastroparesis for the last 6 years. The doctor in the emergency room said that her colon was dying. She had just had a gastric tube placed two weeks ago.

I know I wrote a book...but I have been unable to share anything as our friends brother is a retired policeman and he and his daughter were not to be trusted. So we tried to keep it quiet.

I am sure there is more drama up ahead... I am just saying Serenity prayer often...and saying it out loud to our friend in hospice. I want her t o know that her wishes have been followed and she can let go now,

Ksm

 

[newstart]

I'd love to know how everyone is doing right now!

Me - I have no real update to speak of. Things are the same with my son. He is working still (thank God) and living independently from us. He has a steady girlfriend who is sensible and seems to be a good influence on him, so we pray that she will stick around. I was worried about her being with him at first (for her sake, because of his unstable moods) but she seems to know how to handle him. She comes from a nice family and has plenty of friends, so she has a good healthy support system around her. I don't think she will put up with any crap from him (at least this is my hope!) I know that sounds good (and it is) but I am still traumatised by things that have happened in the past and I don't trust that this stable period will last. Trying my best to take it one day at a time.

Personally, I have had a period of doing well and coping better, but I still have low days. I still have worry running through my brain like a constant soundtrack - sometimes the sound is louder than others. I'm trying my best not to give in to the worry and to distract myself with things that I enjoy when the low moods strike.

My husband and I bought a van and we are converting it to a camper! Our youngest will head off to university next year and we will be empty nesters. We are both still working (we are only in our 50s) so we will be taking short trips to begin with, but hoping to do longer ones as time goes on.

I'd truly love to hear how all of you are going and how your Difficult Child is doing now.

Hi LuLu, It was so nice to read your update. I am excited that you will be enjoying your conversion van. We had a Winnebago conversion van for many years. It was some of the best times in my life. I slept very well in there. I have been looking at them again this year. We recently got rid of our camper, I much rather have a conversion van.
I was glad to hear that your son is stable for now and hope he stays like that from now on.
My daughter is doing ok. My husband and I made the decision to not allow her boyfriend in our presence ever. If we see him we will head the other way as fast as we can, the both of them together as still as toxic as ever.
I was in the middle of all the freezing weather in Texas. I froze my A off. We made it fine though, scout skills kicked in.
I lost several tropical plants but I needed to weed them down anyway. Love you all.

 

[MissLulu]

My son quit smoking pot about a year ago and just left for boot camp on Tuesday. I’m so proud and excited for what’s to come but also worried about all the what if’s. We can’t go to his graduation because of COVID and we aren’t promised a livestream but they are going to try. He also won’t get to come home before going to his station. He was so nervous, I’m a mess.

I am so happy to hear your son has headed off to boot camp. I truly hope this goes well for him. How are you feeling now that you've had a few days to get used to him being gone?

 

[MissLulu]

Part 2...

I can't edit original...

I am using talk-to-text to write this so if I miss some of the mistakes I apologize in advance.

I haven't posted much since granddaughter had a baby almost a year ago. I have not posted since then. It seemed like she was a very attentive mom for the first 6 months. There has always been drama between her and her boyfriend. In mid-January we helped her purchase a vehicle as we were still driving her to and from work. And now it seems as if things have gotten worse. The car is 18 years old so it's not a large Financial investment. And we did a secure loan for her to pay back $1,000 high paying $50 every other week

Unfortunately, he has been driving it and it no longer looks like the well taken care of vehicle that it was. He is 23 and has never had a license, but has many tickets for driving without one. There are different colored paint scrapes on both sides of the car, a side mirror is missing and a dent.

His mother has reached out to me that she thinks he is using again, not just weed. She called for a welfare check on the baby and the police was called. She is an alcoholic and she is scared that they will lose the baby to CPS. He has had termination of rights to two other children. And so did those babies moms. She thinks she can have the baby removed, placed with her brother and his wife who are a foster family. I tried to explain that is not how it works. She was the only one home and police felt things were safe, but t it was a close call...

Last week police was called again, two men broke into their apartment thru the bedroom window. DGD has a friend staying there as she had broke up with her boyfriend.. it was her boyfriend and his friend who broke in and battered her, and DGD called 911. They are now in jail on 100,000. Bond.

Besides all that, our neighbor is in hospice. Two years ago she came to us and asked us to have power of attorney for medical decisions. We said yes. She had a family member she did not trust. And now we understand why. My husband, I and a long term friend and coworker of hers was named. After she ended up in the ER a week ago, we opened the packet of papers and found she had given us regular powers of attorney.

We called her attorney on Monday morning and he told us that we needed to go to her bank and be added to her account. Then we played detectives and started canceling her cable and wifi. She only had enough to pay for cremation. We arranged all that.

The attorney who drew up The Power of Attoyrney papers said she did not make a will with him. She had wanted us to be the executor of the will and was going to call the attorney but got sick too fast to arrange anything. The neice that she was worried about was upset that we had stepped in and was caring for her. She never asked about her aunt. A co-worker said she used a specific financial planner so I went to his office with my papers and he printed out what she had invested. 2 years ago when she named us for end-of-life she removed her niece from her 401k. There is $57,000 in that account and she left it to her friend and co-worker. Her friend had no idea!

The neice went ito ttorney's office where she thought there was a will and she does have one but instead of the niece being the executor she named the nieces mother as executor. The niece is also estranged from her mom. After the niece threw a fit there she went to the Mortuary and threw a fit there, too.

Then she was upset that she was not listed as a visitor at the hospice house. It's been quite a roller coaster ride this week. She has been unresponsive for the past week and the nurses always surprised to come back to work the next day and she still there. I spent three nights sleeping in the recliner in her room as I thought death was imminent. But she's not. She never married and never had kids it was a very strong lady. She has dealt with Parkinson's and gastroparesis for the last 6 years. The doctor in the emergency room said that her colon was dying. She had just had a gastric tube placed two weeks ago.

I know I wrote a book...but I have been unable to share anything as our friends brother is a retired policeman and he and his daughter were not to be trusted. So we tried to keep it quiet.

I am sure there is more drama up ahead... I am just saying Serenity prayer often...and saying it out loud to our friend in hospice. I want her t o know that her wishes have been followed and she can let go now,

Ksm

Thanks so much for the update. There's so much going on for you right now. Is your granddaughter okay? Do you think she will be okay with the baby? Thank goodness the boyfriend is out of the picture for now.

I hope your friend passes peacefully. The niece sounds like a piece of work! I hope you are looking after yourself at this very stressful time.

 

[MissLulu]

Hi LuLu, It was so nice to read your update. I am excited that you will be enjoying your conversion van. We had a Winnebago conversion van for many years. It was some of the best times in my life. I slept very well in there. I have been looking at them again this year. We recently got rid of our camper, I much rather have a conversion van.
I was glad to hear that your son is stable for now and hope he stays like that from now on.
My daughter is doing ok. My husband and I made the decision to not allow her boyfriend in our presence ever. If we see him we will head the other way as fast as we can, the both of them together as still as toxic as ever.
I was in the middle of all the freezing weather in Texas. I froze my A off. We made it fine though, scout skills kicked in.
I lost several tropical plants but I needed to weed them down anyway. Love you all.

I think staying away from the boyfriend is a good decision for you! I hope it has brought you some peace. Glad to hear your daughter is going okay.

 

[Enmeshedmom]

I am so happy to hear your son has headed off to boot camp. I truly hope this goes well for him. How are you feeling now that you've had a few days to get used to him being gone?

I’m slowly starting to feel more peaceful, I have my moments where the worry tries to take hold and make me look for disaster up ahead but I have been able to keep it at bay. We needed this separation from one another in order for both of us to grow and it’s nice not to have had to ask him to leave. If all goes well he will graduate and be off to his first station which is yet to be determined, I can’t think ahead that far right now or I start to get really anxious all over again. I have to remind myself multiple times a day that this is how healthy people grow and mature. I come from a long line of co-dependence where we were raised not to go anywhere or do anything that makes us the least bit uncomfortable so this is a huge deal for me, I feel like I’m breaking the cycle. Not matter the outcome at this point he has gone farther than anyone of us.

 

[Jabberwockey]

Lil and I are doing fine! I just posted a full update in the Water Cooler. We have a travel trailer. Had looked at camper vans but we are not small people and I'm too wide for the toilets in most. And don't say I need to lose weight!!! I know that already but the issue is my shoulders. Once she retires in a few years we plan to upgrade our typical teen for something a bit bigger so we can do month long trips.

 

[Nomad]

We are excited that our daughter is moving in April. She will be a little closer to us. That’s a mixed bag. But...she was unhappy in her previous location that was tiny and unfortunately an adult neighbor who has similar “special needs” as herself has been harassing her. Her new location is in a more affordable city. The first month or so will no doubt be rough. We plan on visiting often. She also now can visit for holidays. I hope the bigger apartment and regular visits for holidays will make her feel more content. She has been a tad less moody and disagreeable with us lately. Who knows what will happen. My husband is optimistic. I have moments of that...but I have many many previous experiences /memories where being hopeful was bordering on foolishness and swiftly stomped out in some dramatic way. We will see. I have been praying.

 

[New Leaf]

Boy has it been awhile since I have been on this site. I am doing well but revisiting since having recent contact with Tornado. She was in and out of jail, and ended up pregnant. GULP! On the street until a week before giving birth. (Eye roll). Big sigh. She is in rehab now with her baby. We shall see how that goes. I have had to revisit detachment as her therapist wants me to attend sessions so she can “reconnect”. I have hesitatingly agreed, but have come to realize her view of me is still the same, I should drop everything and cater to her needs. Um no. I have a long way to go with the whole love says no philosophy. Found myself backsliding to what if’s and such. “What if she relapses? If I say no?” She asked me if I would take care of the baby if need be and I said no. That was not easy, but realistically I am not young enough to care for an infant, I have her now teen aged daughter and do not think that is fair to her. Plus, hello you had this kid, he is your responsibility, so keep clean and don’t risk having him placed elsewhere. Tornado is still prone to blowouts when she can’t get her way, blaming me, expecting to “come home” ahhhh NO! We have already been through the revolving door scenario for several hellish years, why oh why would I put myself in that predicament again? So, I will use the safety of the next therapist session to tell her, and let her know that I will not be listening to belligerent talk. She hung up on me after telling her no, then called repeatedly. I did not pick up. “Er, hello you hung up on me, conversation over, I am taking a break.”
So not using, yes, but still trying to use me. Not having it.
Rain is still in the park and seems content to be there. I for the life of me can’t imagine how anyone could live in such squalor. I don’t hear much from her. But, she did get a stimulus debit card through my mail, so of course she appeared. Imagine that, $1400 to a homeless meth addict. Good Lord have mercy.
I have no control over what my two daughters do with their adult lives.
My three well children are living pretty decent lives and taking care of their responsibilities, thank goodness.
I hope all of you are well and have not been too ill affected by this pandemic.
I am busy in my jungle garden trying to combat arthritis and Covid long haul symptoms. All of this has driven me to put in my retirement papers, I will be on a tight budget but trying to live my best life!
Love and (((hugs))) to all! Hang in there and stay strong!
New Leaf

 

[Copabanana]

She is in rehab now with her baby.

Dear New Leaf

I am thrilled to hear from you. I have thought of you often. Our situation is the same. Only worse. I have had periods of well-being but I also fall back. I am in one of the "falling back" places. What gets me there is I keep thinking "one more chance," will help him to connect with the desire for healing and for change. I keep hoping that "loving him" will awaken love in him. And it never ever works that way. I have for a long time known that. But somewhere in my deepest heart, I won't accept.

Tornado is still prone to blowouts when she can’t get her way, blaming me, expecting to “come home” ahhhh NO! We have already been through the revolving door scenario for several hellish years, why oh why would I put myself in that predicament again?

Welcome to my world.

I am busy in my jungle garden trying to combat arthritis and Covid long haul symptoms. All of this has driven me to put in my retirement papers, I will be on a tight budget but trying to live my best life!

I am so sorry that you have been ill and are still suffering. What a surprise that you plan to retire! I am happy for you. I guess I am where you are on better days, which for a long while has been most days. My bad days now are when my son is near. How horrible to have to write that.

It has been many years now, New Leaf, that we have been together. You sound so very strong and connected to the best in life and to the best in you. I am seeking the same. Praying for healing.

Love, Copa

 

[SeekingStrength]

Wonderful to hear from you New Leaf. You sound very strong despite all these major happenings.

I hope to hear you love retirement!

 

[skittles]

Its been awhile for me also, Its my first Easter in a long time with young children in the house again. My two grands are settling in well. Ive been homeschooling them, a challenge but worth it. My 9 yr ild granddaughter couldnt read three months ago but now is reading grade two level fairly independent. My 11 year old grandson couldnt add or subtract with regrouping and didnt know how to multiply or divide but has learned all since. Ive made myself available every weekend to spend a day with all 6 kids and mom togeather, however lately she keeps cancelling visits. My custody was only suppose to be temporary til mom got housing but she wont accept a public housing ‘dump’ and no landlord will take her so Ive talked to Childrens Aid about transfering custody to my son in the summer after school us done for the year. However that has me worried too as my son has three already and is quite stressed. I dont know if hes up for it. My husband just retired and were alittle old to raise kids again, sigh..I feel bad even contemplating sending them to my sons but if mom wont get her act togeather im not sure what else to do. The kids are not my husbands bio grands so i dont feel right imposing this ‘temp care’ on him permanently. Hes been wonderful and will do it for me but I know it will cause some friction. Not what either of us imagined for our golden years. Never in my life did i imagine mom would completely check out like this, she was always so possessive of the kids before. Anyhow Im just going to enjoy Easter with the kiddos and take it one day at a time. Happy Easter everyone!

 

[RN0441]

Glad to hear from you New Leaf! I also hope you enjoy retirement. You certainly have earned it several times over!! I pray Tornado stays sober this time for her new son and for HERSELF!!

I'm on here many days during the week since I have a desk job and have time. I enjoy checking in with everyone and offer my two cents sometimes.

I am working from home until May 5. My office closed in November for the third time due to Covid recommendations. Husband and I had it in December and it was very mild. I just found out Friday that I still have the antibodies so that is good news. No plans to get vaccinated.

Our son/former difficult child will graduate in December and have an associates degree in Computer Networking and be Cisco certified. He has been in full time school for almost 2 years. He may move to Chicago or he may stay here. We don't know yet. We are moving back when I retire in 5 years to be closer to our boys and friends. We will snowbird to Fort Myers where we've had a condo for 12 years. We're very excited and it's hard for me not to go right now but financially we need to "do our time" and we do enjoy it here.

Son will be 26 in August. He lost five years of his life. Oh well he doesn't think anything of it. How weird right?? He is looking for a new part time job as he got sick of fast food and working with teens. Well hello if you didn't take a left turn you wouldn't be!!!

For the most part life is good. I still worry about him terribly and I HATE it with every fiber of my being. He has not made any friends and does not want to date. So.....it's us three. He's a handsome guy and always had girls but doesn't want anyone "telling him what to do" as he says. He says he's an introvert. He does have a friend in Chicago who is buying a house that he may rent a room in. I think that would be fantastic for all of us!!

 

[MissLulu]

So nice to hear from so many of you, especially those of you who haven't been around for a while. Some of you pre-date my starting time here so you won't know me, but I have read many of your posts and feel like I know you! Thank you so much for the updates.

 

[Crayola13]

My son's stomach is settling down finally. He gets severe anxiety and depression. It's not a conduct disorder, but he just gets severely depressed and nervous. My husband refuses to work from home. My son was really upset about that, especially when other people in my husband's office got COVID. He spent two days in crisis mode, so we were on the phone non-stop with his therapist. Now that school is back in session, that also helps his nerves and overall personality. He's just a very social person who thrives on being around others. The volunteer activities have stopped in our city because of COVID, which made his anxiety worse. It's not what I would call a conduct disorder, but he's being class clown again and a little too sociable. His grades are still good, so he sees no reason to stop that behavior. Above all, I'm thankful that swim team is back in session because it does wonders for his anxiety and depression.