A party is usually not as well supervised as a youth group. Someone is awake all nigjt at youth groups and the kids are in one room. I think that is safer, although I dont think what you did was horrific.
For me, maybe if the kids had a parent sleeping in the room I may have said yes....but to a much smaller group. Thats a lot of teens with raging hormones! And pot is common in that age group too.
I allowed a little coed sleepovers this way:
My youngest used to crash at one boy's house often but we knew the family well and my daughter was always and still is extremely trustworthy. Plus she was with only maybe four kids and we were friendly with the parents and were aware of what the parents would allow.
Although I dont think its morally "bad" to have sent your son, I think every party a middle school kid attends should require an informative phone call with the parents, knowing the kids who will be there and the sleeping arrangements, and knowing if your kid is vulnerable to peer pressure. Because there likely will be peer presdure in that age group.
Jumper, my youngest, was the only one ever in this situation.
I would be more careful next time if you didnt know everyone well but I wouldnt feel ashamed for letting your son go. But maybe get more informed on the parents and if the group is nice kids next time. No biggie. But in my opinion still a possible way for middle school kids to do things you dont want your son to do.
And I would say no to any party with more than eight to ten nice kids and two fully grown adults checking with regularity.
Who on earth can keep an eye on twenty nine kids?????? They are insane to try!!
The amount of kids alone has me scratching my head!!! Yeesh!