Coming along....

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by JayPee, Aug 20, 2019.

  1. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    It's called "You'll Get Through This" and it's free on Amazon Prime.

    Just finished it. Love his writing style too.
  2. Beta

    Beta Active Member

    Josh is bitter about the moves we made. During his lifetime, we moved less than six times while he was growing up. He claims living in small towns was horrible for him and that he was treated with racism. I never saw anything like that, but of course, I have no idea what might have been said to him in high school. But he had a reasonable number of friends, played soccer, and seemed to be liked. These excessive numbers of moves he seems to think we made are all in his mind, and he uses them as an excuse to blame us for what has gone wrong in his life, among other things.

    He told me two days ago in a text, "If you want to ever see me again, you know what you have to do." I knew what he meant, but I asked anyway, "What I have to do..?" He said he needed money for a car or an apartment. It makes me furious that he thinks he can extort money from us and try to emotionally blackmail us. I felt like saying, "See ya. Have a nice life." But I held my tongue and didn't respond.

    He started in this morning with some ugly, malicious texts, calling me "an old b*tch" etc. I have decided that I am done. I'm not responding. I'm going to just "fall off the edge of the earth" as far as he is concerned. Mental illness (and spiritual depravity) has stolen the sweet boy I once knew. I'll grieve that for the rest of my life, but I'd determined to reclaim my life and my peace.
  3. Beta

    Beta Active Member

    RN--I will check that out. He is a good writer.
  4. BusynMember

    BusynMember Well-Known Member

    Beta, I swear, if all of us were poor and had nothing to offer them that they felt was beneficial to them, these types of kids with these personalities would never see us. Ever. My two younger kids would love us if we were broke. I won't say we are broke, but we don't have much spare money anymore. And they still want to be around us.

    Kids like Kay? We are nothing but dollar signs to Kay. When I read these stories, to me it seems as if these very difficult young people want nothing to do with us unless we are giving them something. T hey need to be gaining something from us or we are not worth it . Their values are twisted. They act twisted. I wonder about their capacities to love.

    I took a nap and feel better today. We are not answering our phones or reading any texts unless we recognize who is contacting us and know that the people are "safe."
  5. Beta

    Beta Active Member

    Busy, so glad you were able to nap. I love naps. On Sunday afternoons, I take some of the most awesome, restorative naps ever! I'm also glad you are taking steps to protect yourself.

    I agree with what you said. I know Josh was once capable of loving and being sensitive to other people, but he seems to have lost that quality. I think we are nothing but a vending machine for what he needs or wants. I'm trying to focus on our younger son more than ever now and disengage ever so much more from Josh.
  6. WiseChoices

    WiseChoices Active Member

    I am not sure why that is. I think that we all create our own reality in how we perceive and process things.

    I agree that it's ultimately their way of blaming and not wanting to take responsibility for their own lives and decisions. It's victim mode. The bars are full of people drinking because they got a raw deal. Their problem is hundreds of fears, self pity , self serving, and self delusion.

    Both of my Difficult Child have "stories" of what we have done that they call abuse that neither my husband nor I remember. DC1 also flips everything around on me . I used to throw elaborate birthday parties for my kids with a Lot of love and effort. He told me I did that for me not for him, therefore he discredits it. At first I defended myself but that made it worse and we went into circular discussions that led nowhere. So finally I just said "Ok, your childhood memories belong to you and nobody can say anything about your experience". That stopped most of it. When he does come up with blame etc, I say I don't accept blame today and I walk away . He went to my daughter after that and asked her for other stories from childhood meaning he doesn't even remember horrible incidents other than the 1-2 he likes to hit is with and wanted/ needed more ammunition

    One story is that husband asked him to pull weeds and he refused and gave lip and husband got frustrated with the back and forth and squirted DC1 with hose on the legs. This is what he calls abuse!
  7. BusynMember

    BusynMember Well-Known Member

    Isn't that terrible? I am doing the same with my younger kids. I can no longer handle Kay.

    Kay was a dramatic and explosive kid who did hug and pick dandelions for us. Maybe she could love then and maybe it was a lie. In a way she acts as if she has attachment disorder. As a kid she would hug strangers to get attention as easily as us. Who knows? She was also very pigheaded and could be very defiant. We maybe should have taken her to psychiatrists, but she was our first and we thought that all children were moody. Then we had our other two and they never were moody.

    I can no longer be the only one trying to have a relationship when it comes to Kay. Yes, we are her parents, but we have done all the giving. In return, we don't even get respect.

    The nap was great! Thanks for responding.