D.D's Birthday

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by louise2350, Dec 8, 2019.

  1. louise2350

    louise2350 Active Member

    Today, is my d.d.'s birthday. She is turning 40. I haven't heard from her in 4 1/2 years. I did get emotional thinking about her at Mass today, but pulled myself together since I was in church.

    I know she is very mixed up to let this go on this long not speaking to me for no reason. I'm sure her drinking has a big part of all of this. All I can do, is try to let it all go, although at times it is hard to do. I often wonder if I will ever hear from her again.
  2. Blindsided

    Blindsided Face the Sun

    My Difficult Child daughter is 41. I totally understand. Birthdays and holidays are especially hard. I just posted my most recent difficulty staying on track. I am so sorry you know this hurt. Prayers for a healing heart.
  3. Triedntrue

    Triedntrue Well-Known Member

    I am sorry that you are unable to be with your daughter on her birthday. Prayers are with you.
  4. BusynMember

    BusynMember Well-Known Member

    Birthdays are very hard for me regarding my deceased son, whose birthday was in between Thanksgiving and Christmas, and then Kay,s birthday is hard because we can not celebrate it. She is not in our lives. I can only pray for her. We send no gift. That is another decision we made for many reasons but that hurts too.

    I am trying hard to remember that birthday and most holidays are just another day. It helps. Christmas is the exception for me because it is not about me or my family or my dear angel son or Kay.i feel it is time to celebrate Christ, only Him, whom I dearly love, I focus more on Him than on other festivities. Whomever wants to celebrate with me is welcome but it is about Him. My husband and other children go to church with us.

    There are ways, not easy but satisfactory ways, to get through the hard days. One way is to remember,that in all honesty most holidays are only just a day. "This too shall pass."

    Does your daughter celebrate your birthday with you? Kay would call, say Happy Birthday, then made the rest of our discussion about her. She even asked for money on my birthday. Often. She never bought nor made me a card either.

    Remember if your daughter makes your birthday festive. People get what they give

    I offer my deep prayers and hugs and even love. Pease try to go to a place of peace. Visualize your happy place, if you must, it doesnt have to be a real place. Just close your eyes and picture it and be there,!

    God is with you. Always.
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  5. Beta

    Beta Active Member

    I'm sorry. My prayers are with you for God's comfort. Our DS's birthday is a month from today, his 30th, and we are estranged from him because he is verbally abusive and threatening, we can't tolerate any longer. But I'm dreading Christmas Day and his birthday; they will be hard days.
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  6. louise2350

    louise2350 Active Member

    Busy: No, my daughter doesn't call me on my birthday or any of her sisters on their birthdays. She had called years ago but I would never expect her to call me since she has cut me out of her life for 4 years now. Christmas and Thanksgiving don't bother me without this daughter. It's just on her birthday that I get sad. I've sent her a card a few times for her birthday, via e-mail since I don't know her address, but have gotten no response like everything else so now I don't bother sending her even an e-mail birthday wish. I'm not chasing her anymore. I know I will get past this and I do have a lot to be thankful for such as my other 2 daughters and 4 grandchildren. I just know when someone is acting this way, then it's apparent that their life is not going well and that adds to my sadness but there is nothing I can do.
    Thank you for your kind words.
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  7. Acacia

    Acacia Active Member

    Louise, I am taking the time to go back and read some posts and came across yours about your daughter with whom you have no contact. It's totally understandable how this hurts a lot, especially because you recognize that a person who is emotionally healthy would not cut ties. It also hurts because you love your daughter and have compassion, but you are not being treated with the same compassion.

    My daughter, 39, cut me off 2 1/2 years ago, so also my grandchildren, which is very sad for them and for me. I don't reach out because I couldn't take the rages and emotional mistreatment anymore. I believe my daugher is undiagnosed borderline.

    I try to focus on the blessings I do have in my life, and there is relief in not dealing with constant drama and requests. The holidays are more difficult, but I am learning to accept what is. I also continue to grow and heal my own childhood wounds. I consider that a gift for both me and those I love.
    I wish you peace and healing this holiday season.
  8. louise2350

    louise2350 Active Member

    Thank you, Acacia. It is hurtful to have a grown child act this way. Out of my three daughters it was only the middle one who was so unmanageable .As I look at my two other daughters I just see there was something "missing" in the d.d - she has many good qualities such as her love for animals (she was thinking of becoming a vet until her problems led her down another path) and kindness when someone else is being picked on - she'd be there to defend her friend if someone was bullying the friend. She once told me when she was a teen, if she had kids I wouldn't ever see them. At the time I didn't know this would come true. I thought she was just being a teen. I do know if she was in a good place in her life, she wouldn't be this way. However, I've done all I can as I'm sure you have too. I do focus on my two other daughters and their children who give me such happiness. Thank you so much for your kind words and happy holidays to you too.
  9. beebz

    beebz Member

    Oh mercy. I'm only going on 4 weeks this time. I did go a year or more a few years ago but the depression didn't grasp me like it is this time.
    I am thinking of you and sending you every bit of my hopes dreams and strength from the deepest parts of my soul that you find comfort, your daughter wises up, straightens out, and returns to you with open arms. Much love to you - ~beebz
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