daughter update

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by DaisyC1234, Dec 30, 2019.

  1. DaisyC1234

    DaisyC1234 Member

    So an update. My daughter was having some sort of breakdown on Saturday. She ultimately left the new baby (2 months) with her dad and I have Mar (3 years old). She said she was going to get some help but we don't think she went at all.

    I've always felt like something was not right with her. I think she was/is sleeping with people for money. I always questioned her mental health. I know she has hyperthyroidism so I wonder how much of that is playing a role in this and she's went back to drinking and smoking pot. My dad changed the oil in the car she is borrowing and he took out a bottle of alcohol and dumped it out.

    I want to file for Temporary guardianship of Mar, but her dad is still involved in her life, when he feels like it, basically. I want to approach him but not sure how.

    This is all way too much. I retire in 4 years and I didn't envision raising another child. I do love her so much but I honestly didn't see it this way. I am hoping my daughter gets the help she needs. The other baby's dad seems to think she's not going to get the help at all. She seems to open up to him more than me or my dad.

    Can I prevent her from taking Mar?
  2. BusynMember

    BusynMember Well-Known Member

    Hi. Good morning. Take a relaxing seat and breathe ,♥️

    If I were you I would contact a lawyer. Or CPS. Or both. Until she is legally in your custody she can take her.

    My sane daughter is caring for my not sane daughter's son and it is an informal agreement. We are going to court. We don't want this child to be with her homeless dysfunctional parents anymore. He is damaged enough.

    Prayers for you and the grandchild.
    • Winner Winner x 1
    • Friendly Friendly x 1
    • List
  3. DaisyC1234

    DaisyC1234 Member

    I called CPS on her before because Mar at the time had a diaper rash for about 2 months and she did nothing about it. They didn't do anything. I am in contact with a paralegal to see if she can give me an educated guess on how she thinks I will fair in court. I may have to do this as an emergency petition so I don't have to notify each parent until after the paper work has been processed by the judge and within 72 hours after they sign it. I am afraid if she knows, she'll come and get her.

    I don't want to shoot myself in the foot either, but I think both parents will fail to see why I am doing this in the first place. To keep her safe until mom gets help.

    I think she already picked up the baby (2 months).
    • Optimistic Optimistic x 1
    • List
  4. AppleCori

    AppleCori Well-Known Member

    Hi Daisy!

    You need to contact a family law attorney and ask for a consultation. Some lawyers will talk to you without charge initially.

    That would be the best person to ask what you next step should be and what you can expect.
    • Agree Agree x 1
    • Winner Winner x 1
    • List
  5. ChickPea

    ChickPea Active Member

    Hi hon. I'm sorry you're going through this.

    I'm in a similar boat. Our daughter's son has been living with us since birth (over a year). We do have guardianship, so that is helpful. If there's any chance you can get that (mom would have to sign for it), that would be helpful. Do you have that for the other grand?

    I don't know about CPS either. I called them and they just said they were glad we were taking care of the baby, but there wasn't anything they could do since the baby was safe (with us). Whatever.

    Is dad legally dad? Like is he paying child support and on the birth certificate?
  6. DaisyC1234

    DaisyC1234 Member

    Here were I live the judge can give Guardianship mom or dad doesn't have to sign it over, as long as there is good reason for it. I have a friend that does work for CPS and she gave me some good verbiage to include on my affidavit and I am also meeting with a paralegal. I will not be seeking guardianship for the other grand. The other dad is keeping her for her safety, until someone tells him otherwise.

    As for Mar, her dad does not pay child support and there was never any establishment of it , along with custody or visitation, but yet he claims her on his taxes. He is on the birth certificate, but that's it. He's the kind of dad that will only visit with her or keep her for the weekend if he isn't tired or sick. How is that right? I can't change people, so no sense in getting angry about it. I just need to do what I have to and that's to make sure Mar gets a fair chance at life. She is 3 now and I need to get her into pre-school.
  7. JMom

    JMom Active Member


    It is kind of you to protect your grand. I'm saying a prayer for a calm and peaceful outcome.
  8. DaisyC1234

    DaisyC1234 Member

    Thank you JMom, Busynmember, ChickPea and Applecori.

    As for the new baby.... that's whole other mess. The dad admitted that when my daughter first got pregnant he asked her if there was a chance that the baby was not his and she said yes, so not sure what to do about this situation....and I'm not even sure she's done all the paper work to get the baby's SS# or birth certificate. I know when she had left the hospital she still hadn't named the baby. She has a name now just not sure she's done the paper work to go with it.

    I hope I'm doing the right thing for my Mar, the other grand. Her dad has not seen her in about a month or so and not sure what to make of that and how he will react to me having temporary guardianship. Maybe if I explain why, like the driving drunk, being high and soon no place to live, and that he can still see her as he wants but he'll need to go through me now.

    I don't think he or her ever pursued the child custody thing because here do they all of it at once, custody, child support and visitation, you can't pick and choose what you want to do. The child support part makes him angry, so this is a win for him, because his daughter is safe and he doesn't have to pay child support and he can still see her. From what I hear he's got a bad temper and my daughter is afraid of that, so I believe that's why she never pursued it.

    My daughter text me last night asking if her and the baby could stay, I said no. Which was right about my bed time, then I couldn't sleep at all after that. I felt guilty, but I can't keep letting this cycle go round and round. I know she's not going to make rent this month, which was due yesterday, so soon they will have no place to live. I honestly don't want her at my house. Things go missing and I just don't want her there. She acts like everything is normal when it's not.

    She told my dad she went to the hospital to get her blood drawn to check her thyroid, because she's pretty sure it's causing all these problems, which it very well, might, but she could have done this like 2 years ago. I don't think she got blood drawn at all. I have access to her email and all I saw was an appointment she make at the OB/GYN office. She needs to see and endocrinologist. I asked my dad what about her drinking/smoking and he said one step at a time. This problem, if feel, is much bigger that a thyroid problem.

    I am just scared and I hope I am doing the right thing by pursuing guardianship.
  9. Crayola13

    Crayola13 Active Member

    She might have post pardum depression. I definitely think temporary custody is a good idea. However, if temporary turns into ten years, can you afford it and would you have the energy, etc.? Do you work full time?
  10. DaisyC1234

    DaisyC1234 Member

    I do work full-time and can retire in about 4 1/2 years. We are ready to take both of them on if we have to. I don't really like it and had not planned on raising any more kids, but it is what it is and these babies mean a lot to us. Temporary here is 6 months, but we can extend it here or file for permanent guardianship. Depends on the situation.

    I think postpartum depression might be part of it, but this behavior and drinking/smoking pot/lying started before she had any kids. Then after the first grand it seems to get worse. They need to get to the root of the problem. I think postpartum and thyroid issue are only part of it and drinking isn't helping the thyroid. Last time she went to the emergency room they told her she needed to stop drinking, which was over a year ago.