Dealing With Difficult Children During Covid-19

[Beta]

Copa, my heart aches for your son, along with you. What potential...only to be lost or wasted, at least for this time. I'm sorry for the hurt you feel.

 

[Copabanana]

Copa, my heart aches for your son, along with you.

Dear Beta I don't know if you can know how much it helps to have your compassion and your care. Love.

 

[RN0441]

Copa

I just saw that your son is in sober living. I am so happy that he has taken this step even if you had to force his hand somewhat.

We forced our son's hand also to get help. It's not perfect but it's better than we expected. He and his dad are out hitting golf balls today. We are hoping he will become interested in it. He also does walk with us now and say he enjoys it as well as works and goes to college full time.

God works in mysterious ways.

 

[Copabanana]

I just saw that your son is in sober living. I am so happy that he has taken this step even if you had to force his hand somewhat.

Dear RN

He left about 10 days ago! And he returned to the big metro where he has been intermittently homeless for the past 8 years or so. He was not in sober living by choice. Rather I stopped enabling 100 percent (except for letting him pay rent) and he had no money for food.

His old friend invited him to live on a temporary basis with him and a couple other guys. There is no security to the arrangement at all. My son cannot afford to be living in this metro. Rent even for a small room is nearly all of his SSI.

But what can I do? I told him directly I thought it was a poor move and he chose not to listen. He loves marijuana. He says he is content. The problem is mine. Because I can see the future coming.

 

[RN0441]

Dear RN

He left about 10 days ago! And he returned to the big metro where he has been intermittently homeless for the past 8 years or so. He was not in sober living by choice. Rather I stopped enabling 100 percent (except for letting him pay rent) and he had no money for food.

His old friend invited him to live on a temporary basis with him and a couple other guys. There is no security to the arrangement at all. My son cannot afford to be living in this metro. Rent even for a small room is nearly all of his SSI.

But what can I do? I told him directly I thought it was a poor move and he chose not to listen. He loves marijuana. He says he is content. The problem is mine. Because I can see the future coming.

I can understand your fear. But you have to learn to let him sort this out and try to distance yourself emotionally which I do think you are pretty good at.

I know it's exhausting. There is no easy way to deal with it other than using a combination of the tried and true methods that we all know work.

Hugs.

 

[ChickPea]

I know this. It's just hard to watch the freight train coming and be tied to the tracks. It's like involuntarily I need to beep the horn and keep beeping, just to do something. Because I feel so helpless.

All of this during Covid 19. Sorry to highjack your thread, ChickPea.

The problem is mine. Because I can see the future coming.

NO worries, and you're not hijacking. I'm so, so sorry! My heart goes out to you.

Your subsequent post about it being YOUR problem resonated with me. At times I feel like I'm more miserable than my messed up kid. I feel tortured right now.

 

[Beta]

Copa, our son, Josh, is saying that he will not be moving with us once we are finally able to move (when the virus settles down a bit). We just expected that he would come with us and at least stay with us long enough to find a job, save some money, and start over again. He says no. Last night, he told us he would be going "somewhere" at the end of May. He has some money; mainly because my husband has helped file several years of tax returns; and some stimulus money, but that's it. No car, no job. I can see the future, and it does not look promising. Looks like we could be faced with repeating the last couple of years. I know that once things go downhill for him, as they inevitably will, we will be the scapegoats and the target of abuse through text message again. I can't and won't do it.
I'm hoping and praying he will change his mind before the end of May and realize he needs to be close to family.

 

[JayPee]

New leaf wrote this and I copied to drill it in my head.

“We have no control over another’s choices, and we can’t over-care our loved ones into action. In other words we can’t care about their situations more than they do. That just continues to shift the consequences from them to us.”

I often re-read this because it’s the truth.