Dealing with Truancy...an 8 yr old

[SueC]

Alison,
One day at a time! Or in my case, one episode at a time. There are triggers in my difficult child as well, but very hard to figure out. He has P.E. in the mornings and Mondays, as if that is not challaging enough, is "running club" where the children have to walk/run/jog around the track. Well...difficult child being the perfectonist that he is has to RUN the whole time, which of course makes him nausous. Which...of course makes starting a new week of school that much harder. I have told him to just walk....but NO...he must push himself. He is his worst enemy, God I love that kid....I wish I could change things.....
Hang in there.some days I do not know how I get through but, he is worth it!!

 

[SueC]

I as well got those calls and the school would work with me and keep him there with the counselor or in the clinic if at all possible. That way he was at least at school and realized I was not going to bring him home. At fist I was very, very embarrased, but.....now,..who cares!!! I am doing what is best for my family and my difficult children. If people talk, let them and hold your head high, you will make it through this and will have learned a whole lot about yourself, your child and life. I cantear you up but you can also get stronger. Deep breath, take a nice hot bath when you can and stay strong.

 

[wethreepeeps]

If he's avoiding the early morning, does he have a reading block first thing in the morning? Due to No Child Left Behind, at our school, the kids have an uninterrupted 1.5 hour "reading block" first thing in the morning.

 

[Alisonlg]

No "reading block" that I know of. Wow...they seriously expect your kids to sit at their desk and read for 1.5 hrs straight, uninterrupted? That seems ridiculous, even for "normal" children, let alone "our" kids!

But, my son did ask me what time it was before he left for school...he mentioned at 11:30 am they have lunch and I believe after that it's probably smooth sailing from there. The last time he wasn't going to go to school and then spontaneously decided to go, it was around the exact same time of day.

 

[Sunlight]

I am so sorry you have to go thru this. I did that stuff with ant back when. I think your child is depressed and would seek a psychiatric evaluation to update what is going on.

 

[BusynMember]

Wow. Anxiety AND ODD rarely stand alone. Mood disorders and anxiety do tend to go hand-in-hand, but anxiety is also a big symptom of Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD). I had a mood disorder plus neuro issues as a kid (still do) and hated school. Never crossed my mind not to go, but I'd scream in class because I'd feel like throwing up or passing out and I did everything I could to fake illness to stay home. Also, the kids were really mean to me. It was a real horror for me. I didn't learn much. I wasn't even motivated to try. I would see a Child Psychiatrist (with the MD) and a neuropsychologist (to see if this kid is on the Spectrum or has any other learning disabilities). Unfortunately, it is best to see both, not just one. Never would I trust a social worker with an assessment, even if she has somebody guiding her. She doesn't wouldn't have the full load of training. ODD goes along with every childhood disorder. Most people who post here have kids who have or once had ODD symptoms, but it's rarely the only thing going on. I would defintely let him go to an alternate school. He may NEED a small group. Sensory stuff may be driving him nuts or loud noises. He may be inattentive or just so charged up inside that he can't sit still--I wouldn't even blink. I'd sign on the dotted line and get him evaluated by both a psychiatrist and neuropsychologist. That's what we had to do in order for things to improve.Hugs!

 

[oceans]

Sounds exactly like my son was. He was deeply depressed, but no anxiety that we could tell. Now we know that part of the reason that he could not do school was sensory issues, and racing thoughts in his head. He was overwhelmed.

You might not know the reason, but there is one. It might be more than ODD.

I hope you can get him a good evaluation, and an IEP. It sounds like he needs both right now.

 

[BusynMember]

If you call 911, you'll also be reported to CPS. I wouldn't like that, but some people don't mind and some feel they've been helped. I was told that if you are involved with the police regarding a child a call automatically goes out to CPS. You may want to take him to a psychiatric hospital if he is dangerous. He'd get another evaluation there, and maybe they can stabilize him. Not pushing medications--my son isn't on any and medications didn't help him, but if my son were acting like yours is, I would want him to get better, and would definitely want to see if medications could help him (and the rest of the family) live a happier, more productive life. There is some reason he doesn't want to go to school, and, in my opinion, it's more than just defiance. If it's not anxiety, then again I recommend a neuropsychologist to try to find out what's going on. Hugs again.

 

[JJJ]

MWM - that is not true in Illinois. I've called 911 several times and never been referred to CPS. CPS is only called if the police feel that I am abusing or neglecting the kids and, of course, I'm not.

 

[timer lady]

MWM, not here either. I wonder where you came up with this? While the police consider this type of call a domestic call, we've never in all the times we've called 911 for transport help gotten reported to CPS.

 

[oceans]

It's not like that here either. At my NAMI class they told us that the police are specially trained to handle these kinds of situations, and are even used for transport. CPS is not called unless there is child abuse. I think everyplace is different. We had a good experience with the police department where we live.

Here we need to go to the magistrates office to file papers to release us for the responsibility of difficult child's not going to school. Otherwise it is against the law and the parent's are blamed.

 

[BusynMember]

Hi. I was told this by the a policeman. Any time there is a domestic matter involving children, CPS is called or maybe the policeman (a friend) didn't know what he was talking about. Maybe it's just that way in Illinois, where I used to live, but I think it's the same deal in Wisconsin. I thought it was everywhere. The police didn't handle our daughter very well when we called 911 because she pulled a knife on herself. They put her in handcuffs and she was very calm by the time they arrived. They didn't seem to have a clue. I don't think all police know about psychiatric problems. I'd check it out before calling. Anyways, glad you told me. I thought that was the golden rule.

 

[sillydog]

Who diagnosed your child? What advice have they given you in regard to this behavior and the way you deal with it. If he has a diagnosis, it seems that professional should have some advice for the parent.
If you spent 30 minutes chasing him and you suspect that he intentionally gets into trouble at school so you will have to take him home, then he is getting all the entertainment he needs out of you. Why should he want to go to school if he gets to come home and control you? At the same time getting all the negative attention an 8 year old could ever not need.
Sorry if this may sound harsh, but reality is, he is 8. If he doesn't go to school, don't chase him around. Don't even argue with him. Tell him "ok, you don't do your job and go to school, then no snacks, no tv, no games, you can be on sick time in your room with soup. " Sure he'll temper tantrum for a day to see if you can keep your word, but when you do keep your word and don't give him near the attention you are giving him now, and keep up the minimal interaction, (modifying your behaviors and reactions), he won't have as much fun seeing you "loose it" and will prefer to be at school.
Minimize your emotional responses, keep your consequences and priviledges simple and unemotion, and consistent.

 

[Alisonlg]

Sillydog- I do NOT suspect that he INTENTIONALLY gets in trouble at school so he can come home. In fact, when he gets sent home, we have to call the police to help us get him home. It's a battle getting him to school, just as much so a battle getting him home.

When he stays home, interaction is at a minimum, but the rule is he MUST remain in his room (otherwise, he'll get to enjoy the TV his younger brother is watching AND his tantrums put us and his younger brother in danger). We simply bring him back to his room and close the door. It goes on all day long. I don't argue...I don't even respond to him. I respond once and that's it. After that, I silently carry him back to his room. I do not engage him. Doesn't make a lick of difference, but that's what I do. Staying home is by no means a treat, fun, or rewarding.

 

[Alisonlg]

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: MidwestMom</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Hi. I was told this by the a policeman. Any time there is a domestic matter involving children, CPS is called or maybe the policeman (a friend) didn't know what he was talking about. Maybe it's just that way in Illinois, where I used to live, but I think it's the same deal in Wisconsin. I thought it was everywhere. The police didn't handle our daughter very well when we called 911 because she pulled a knife on herself. They put her in handcuffs and she was very calm by the time they arrived. They didn't seem to have a clue. I don't think all police know about psychiatric problems. I'd check it out before calling. Anyways, glad you told me. I thought that was the golden rule. </div></div>

We were dealing with the Police and our very first ambulance ride/medical transport today and I heard them throw out the CPS comment. Gosh...I wish I remember what they said. There *is* an instance when they call CPS that has nothing to do with abuse or neglect being involved. Perhaps it was when the Policeman makes a judgement that it is a safety issue and files the paperwork and commits the child rather than it being a voluntary decision by the parents?

 

[sillydog]

Police can remove a child if they deam that the parent cannot keep them safe. Then the CPS involvement is not due to neglect or abuse, but because you cannot provide the safety that he needs. At that point is when they are there to step in and provide assistance.

 

[BusynMember]

A visit from a CPS social worker does not mean they take your child away. Unless you get a dingy SW (unfortunately, they do exist) they only come to check on the problem and often offer help, although we turned them down as we had private help and didn't want to be "in the system." If my younger kid got out of control, I'd take him to a hospital and not call the police. Eight, in my opinion, is young to call the police on, especially when the kid is out of control for reasons he can't help. in my opinion kids don't decide, "Wow. How can I control and anger my parents today? Got it! Think I'll act so nuts that everyone will think I'm crazy, I'll have no friends, etc." I think something is going on with this child way beyond control issues. The control issues are probably, in my opinion, part and parcel of the disorder. Bipolar kids have no control over their moods and little over this impulsivity and behavior until they are propertly medicated (I have bip. and did as a kid). Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) kids NEED things to be one specific way or they totally freak out in literal terror. I have anxiety on top of bipolar, a common combination, and anxiety also causes outbursts and terror, although they aren't directed at anyone, it's more screaming for help.
When the police had to contact CPS because of my daughter they just came for a visit, offered their help, and left. They didn't accuse us of abusing her and she didn't lie and say we did (luckily!). It IS true that CPS can do what it's wants with very little control from other government offices. If a green SW decides she has it in for you or that you abuse your kid, even if you don't, you have your hands full!! Take care :smile: