difficult child and her hygiene issues.

[susiestar]

CB, you are aware that if you go into school and give them a note saying that ALL issues are to be addressed with you only and NOT with gma, then calling gma is against the law? I dont' know how they can even justify calling your mom anyway unless she has custody. THis is a HUGE invasion of privacy and totally unacceptable behavior. In fact, you could probably sue them and win if you wanted to. Just because your mom is an emergency contact does NOT mean they can call and discuss her hygeine or any other issue. Even if you were neglecting difficult child and didn't have a place for her to bathe, they still could not call your mother about your child with-o your permission.

I would put a stop to that as it is just inappropriate and who knows how many times they will go around you if they decide for some reason to not call you. Emergency contacts are for EMERGENCIES ONLY and hygeine issues are not emergencies unless she must be picked up immediately because she has lice or something. I know you don't like conflict, but calling your mom about an issue with you chld is wildly inappropriate. in my opinion you should alert the principal to this, not to get anyone in trouble but to put a stop to it.

 

[skeeter]

One of mine is still this way. When he was in high school and was the star in a play about a mentally challenged teen afraid of water, his big brother's comment to that was "Wow - that's a stretch - NOT".
He doesn't have laundry facilities at his apartment, so he "borrows" from his father or me. My daughter in law won't let him wash his clothing at her house (and my son, her husband, works on air craft engines, so his are a mess) because of the smell.
He's 21. He has a girlfriend. He has a job. Not much I can do about it.

 

[confuzzled]

i think sometimes we need to step back and acknowledge the huge amount of steps involved with good hygiene.

for someone with executive function issues it can be beyond overwhelming to turn on the water, undress, step in bath, soap up body, rinse body, slather on shaving cream, shave, rinse, wet hair, lather hair, rinse hair, pull plug on tub, get out, towel dry body, towel dry hair, comb out hair, put on deoderant, put on clothing, brush teeth, take pills, and so on....

the list of steps may come naturally to us as adults, but for a kid, its a LOT.

and i'd ignore the fact that she can do it at dads house if its not a regular thing...she probably has to concentrate so hard to do it that its not worth the effort on a daily basis.

it might help to write down steps if she's a reader, and post them visibly somewhere.

it also might help to seperate out tasks....if she can manage a bath today, great. if tomorrow she can seperately wash her hair, wonderful...if its a non-negotiable that she wear deoderant, well, then make it part of a non-bath routine--no one ever said you can't apply deoderant when you get dressed in the morning or before you put your pjs on...

i know its frustrating. but i'd imagine she's just as frustrated as you are.