difficult child has gone off the deep end

[Kathy813]

TL, ironically, iritis is the only thing I believe about difficult child's claims. She had a case of iritis in one of her eyes when she lived with us and was told once it happens once it is likely to happen again. She sent husband a picture of her eye and it did look bad but it almost looked like someone had punched her in the eye. It was black and blue under her eye.

The rest is suspicious. First she felt a lump on her colon. How the heck is that even possible to know without a colonoscopy. Then when she went she went to the ER to have the eye checked, she says they found a cyst which they want to biopsy in three days. Next, it was that she was pregnant and then she had anal cancer which she was going to let progress to save the baby. That sure is a lot to find out in two days.

 

[PatriotsGirl]

Does she have HPV? I am wondering if her "cancer" is a wart...

 

[lovemysons]

Kathy,
Just wanted to apologise for my emotional outburst on your post last night regarding difficult child's threats. I was just livid in the moment and let my anger spill out onto the page.

I know your daughter is a very troubled young woman just like my son is...I hope both of them will reach out for the help they so desperately need one of these days.

Thinking of you,
LMS

 

[Kathy813]

LMS, I am touched that you were so upset for me. I feel like you are a true friend. Thank you for caring.

~Kathy

 

[Kathy813]

Well, all, I have finally given up the good fight. All of these years I felt like I could handle whatever came my way without medications. However, my therapist thinks that I have PTSD and thinks that I could use a short term medication to help me through this. So she had me sign up for an online consultation with a nurse practitioner that could prescribe medications. The nurse practitioner lives in California. Whoever thought you could do something like that online? We used Go to Meeting to talk.

The nurse said she wanted me to try Celexa. She said that she thought I needed it more for the anxiety part than the depression part and it would only be short term. She said anyone would be stressed going through something like this.

She also said to cut off all money as of this moment. She said it was time for difficult child to take care of herself and that included if she decided to go to rehab and sober living. The nurse said that we have gone the route of helping her with rehab and sober living twice and now it has to be done a different way. She said it was obvious that my difficult child has no desire to be sober at this time.

The hardest part was hearing her say that addiction has a higher death rate than breast cancer and we had to prepare ourselves for that very real possibility.

~Kathy

 

[lovemysons]

Your therapist sounds like a very wise woman Kathy...and you very wise for taking good care of yourself especially during this very dark, painful, time in your life.

As you know I lost my mind when my oldest was in prison after his meth addiction 7 yrs ago. I was having panic attacks before the breakdown happend to me. You definitely don't want to wait until it's too late when you are in this amount of pain and suffering.

Letting go of our beautiful and troubled children has got to be the hardest thing to do...but at some point we know deep in our hearts that we have left no stone unturned...that we did all we could and that sobriety is now in their hands.

Please try and hold on to the hope that we do not predict the future. This is one day at a time...and this "time" we are going through right now may be the breaking point for a better tomorrow.

But we cannot leave our lives in our difficult child's hands. We were given life too...we must learn to live it even with uncertainty.

Regarding my oldest difficult child...You know I don't even have much of a relationship with him anymore. I haven't spoken to him since before Christmas and yet I am fine to just "know" that he is sober and taking care of himself and his family.
Young difficult child is threatening no contact with me now...and my hope is that if that is what is necessary for him to get well...then so be it.

At the end of the day...we all want our kids to get sober. I don't even ask for a relationship going forward...just the knowledge in my heart that they are okay.

I know this is all you want for your daughter too Kathy. Just that she be sober and okay someday.
Keeping you all close in my thoughts and prayers.
Love,
LMS

 

[Calamity Jane]

Kathy,
You and your therapist have made a wise choice. You must take care of yourself. You've come this far, you're a strong woman, and you will survive, one day at a time. You may not feel that way now, but surely you will in time. Sending support, hugs and compassion for you and your family.

 

[Childofmine]

Kathy, hugs and encouragement to you as you walk this path. I so agree that PTSD is a part of our lives as we have been in a war zone for years, many of us. We have been trying to protect another person from daily air raids, covering their bodies with ours as the bullets come and come and come. And it's the failure to protect someone we love so much that rattles us to our core.

Of course we have PTSD. This, from the Mayo Clinic about PTSD:

"Post-traumatic stress disorder symptoms typically start within three months of a traumatic event. In a small number of cases, though, PTSD symptoms may not appear until years after the event. Post-traumatic stress disorder symptoms are generally grouped into three types: intrusive memories, avoidance and numbing, and increased anxiety or emotional arousal (hyperarousal).

Symptoms of intrusive memories may include:

• Flashbacks, or reliving the traumatic event for minutes or even days at a time
• Upsetting dreams about the traumatic event

Symptoms of avoidance and emotional numbing may include:

• Trying to avoid thinking or talking about the traumatic event
• Feeling emotionally numb
• Avoiding activities you once enjoyed
• Hopelessness about the future
• Memory problems
• Trouble concentrating
• Difficulty maintaining close relationships

Symptoms of anxiety and increased emotional arousal may include:

• Irritability or anger
• Overwhelming guilt or shame
• Self-destructive behavior, such as drinking too much
• Trouble sleeping
• Being easily startled or frightened
• Hearing or seeing things that aren't there

Post-traumatic stress disorder symptoms can come and go."

I have had many of these symptoms over the past four years, Kathy, but I didn't know this is what it was, and I just did my usual thinking, well, I'm okay, he is more important. I am so glad you are breaking that cycle and doing what YOU need to keep moving forward. This information from the Mayo Clinic talks about "an event"; what if the event just keeps on happening? Wow. It is good to put a name to it.

Bless you today, as YOU take care of you, which I am sure is long, long overdue and you turn your precious daughter over to a power greater than yourself, whatever you believe that is.

 

[HaoZi]

*HUGS* to you hon. I have PTSD, too. I'm glad you're getting help for you, but sorry it's happened this way.

 

[DDD]

Any choices you make will be based on a lifetime of being a loving, caring, supportive woman..not just a Mom. I'm sorry it is such a frightening road but you can find the right path for the future. Hugs, my friend. DDD

 

[Ephchap]

Awww, Kathy, I'm so very sorry to hear how things have escalated. I echo Nancy that you have gone way above and beyond for her, and no one in their right mind would or should question your integrity. Unbelievable that she's now making demands. Shaking my head. Hugs to you and husband and your easy child. I'm sure all this has been very stressful and I'm sure it hurts your mommy heart no matter how detached you have to be right now.

 

[Nancy]

Kathy I hope the medications help you. This sounds awful to say but the day my husband and I verbalized our fear that difficult child would die was the day I was finally able to start finding some peace and not being in constant turmoil. Acknowledging the worst possible outcome allowed me to prepare for whatever as to come.

We wish more than anything that we could make things ok for our children and we finally have to accept that at some point they have to do that for themselves.

Thinking of you and sending hugs,
Nancy

 

[Kathy813]

Well, difficult child is the gift that just keeps giving. I didn't know that you could get shingles twice but evidently you can. I have a rash on my back that the school nurse said looked like shingles. I had an outbreak about five years ago. I have a doctor's appointment after school today. It is amazing what stress can do to your body.

~Kathy

 

[DDD]

Sorry, Kathy. I hope it is not shingles. I don't know whether there is some new epidemic ?? but in this past year there are very frequent public service messages about shingles. No medical professional has asked me about it but I am assuming they must have a shot or a vaccine or something to ward off the problem. GFGmom is the only person I've ever known who had shingles and she got them in high school..under her armpit
no less. She said it was painful but whatever ointment the psychiatrist gave her worked well enough so she didn't miss but one day of school. I'll follow your progress and get educated. DDD

 

[Nancy]

Oh Kathy ;(. Yes you can get it more than once. There is a vaccine you can get, too late for now but you should definitely check into it as soon as you are allowed. I'm sorry.

 

[lovemysons]

Yes Kathy...all the more proof that you are under severe stress right now.

I hope the Dr will be able to help you get some relief. Be sure and get the sleep you need at night, eat well, etc.

I'm sorry you are going through this.
Hugs,
LMS

 

[Kathy813]

Yup...it is shingles. I am going to take an anti-viral and was told to stay away from the very young and very old and anyone that is immune compromised. I told the doctor that I teach high school and he said to stay home for the rest of the week.

I can't do that as we are so behind due to the snow days.

Oh, and my blood pressure is 152 over something. Mine is never high. Another gift from difficult child...

 

[in a daze]

I hope you feel better soon, Kathy, despite the terrible things that have happened. Thoughts and prayers your way.
I've had the shingles, too, twice.

 

[Kathy813]

Nancy, I have tried to get the shingles vaccine for several years since my mother had a very bad case and I have been afraid that I would get them, too. My insurance wouldn't pay for it until I turn 60 years old and the shot costs almost $300 without insurance. I even checked our local health department and they too said that the age requirement was 60.

So I have been hoping and praying I could get to 60 without getting shingles. The doctor did tell me to go ahead and get the vaccine after I turn 60 even though I have now had the pleasure of having shingles twice.

The place where the rash is doesn't hurt. It more like a generalized backache. I have new empathy for people with back problems.

 

[Nancy]

My dad had shingles too and was in a lot of pain but he was much older than you. Our dr wants husband and me to get the vaccine and I'm hoping it's covered now with obamacare.

Your body is telling you something Kathy. It's time to think about you.