Difficult Child sleeping until 3pm

[WiseChoices]

Within hours of the car keys being handed over, son stated he will not do the Masters degree he had agreed to getting just a short week ago. We were trying to help him get to where he wanted to be which was to teach college

And it's all because he doesn't want to take the GRE test for grad school. He claims to be burnt out academically but to me this is what he does: half effort , if it doesn't come easy , he won't do it, layzness, and not acting on his own behalf.

Out of all of this ensued a conversation that I did not like at all: he presses me to disclose what I think and I end up being very critical. He said he feels like the black sheep of the family, that no matter what he does, it is never good enough and I can see how he feels that way with the things I said. I will not condone his pot use. I told him I accept it and I don't have to like it --which I don't. He has dabbled in other drugs but he doesnt know that I know .His therapist told him he is not an addict that he just likes to have a good time every once in a while. But he didn't tell her he got stoned every day for a whole semester . He has all kinds of excuses of why he used pot and then I try to disprove that and call out his BS and we go round and round and round and I just feel really bad afterwards .I want to be loving and supportive, encouraging, and I can't do it with these conversations. So I need to make a commitment to myself to not engage in conversations anymore.

It feels like he blames me for encouraging him to get a degree (said he was miserable the entire time) , and resents that I see so much potential in him.

 

[BusynMember1]

Bottom line. He doesn't want to get a degree in the now. Never planned to go. Not yet. Maybe he will one day. Maybe he wont. All any of us have is NOW. Don't even try to predict the future. We can't None of us!

He wanted your car. That's how these kids do things. They promise anything to get their way and are good about going back on their words.

We tend to shut down illogical comments Kay makes ny listening but not engaging except for the occasional "We love you." We never defended ourselves. Its Impossible to be logical and mount a defense with.kids like Kay.

I am so sorry.

Kay feels like the misfit, her words. She has also said black sheep. I don't know how to say she isn't. I just tell her she can make good choices too and that she is smart and we love her.

But in reality (radical acceptance) she is the only family member, extended relatives included, who break the law, is monetarily poor, and is nasty to us. She knows these facts. It doesn't have to be this way, but changing this is HER decision.

You are doing great.

 

[WiseChoices]

Thank you for that! So much!

 

[Crayola13]

I don't know how he could be burned out, considering how much fun he had in school. Maybe in the next two years he can get his masters. I hope so, because I think the time is coming when a b.s. degree won't be enough to earn a decent living. More people are getting degrees now, which has flooded the job market. I hope he gets the job and likes it.

 

[WiseChoices]

I don't know how he could be burned out, considering how much fun he had in school. Maybe in the next two years he can get his masters. I hope so, because I think the time is coming when a b.s. degree won't be enough to earn a decent living. More people are getting degrees now, which has flooded the job market. I hope he gets the job and likes it.

Crayola,
I agree 100 percent .He can't be burned out. It's an excuse because he does not want to put in the work. It's literally 10 more classes, online, about a 15 months comittment.
It's like I am offering him to pay for his Masters and he tells me he doesn't want it because he did "everything I asked" and was "miserable" the whole time . Had to "smoke and use other vices" just to get through assignments . Well, so be it .
I think he will come around to it with a bit more maturity and a reality check on life. He has never worked full time and never been on his own , financially independent from us, so when he figures all that out, he will probably change his mind .
He did visit 4 jobs today where he applied and introduced himself to the hiring manager and did get one interview out of it. So he is moving in the right direction.
I need to be patient and understanding of his lack of maturity and youth.
He wanted to be a college professor for a long time and I can so see him in that role and all relatives used to comment how he is the perfect professor , so I have to keep my expectations and my disappointment in check.