Dude called his Dad. He's okay. They talked for a while and Dad gives pretty sound advice.
They talked for a while and Dude decided that he was going back to the foster home and talk to everyone. He said he needed to stay there. That if they rehomed him somewhere else he could be 40 miles away from his job and family (this is true) and he said he had a plan.
He was going back to the foster home and letting them know that first he was sorry for the cursing and swearing. It is a house rule, a huge no no and he broke that rule. He told his Dad that he knows it's wrong to grab, choke or hit someone, but he needs a place to stay for now and didn't believe this was going to happen any time again soon.
He's also going to let them know that if the adult children in his home ever lay a hand on him he is pressing charges. Plain and simple. He said that if the adult boyfriend of their daughter continued to mark up his clothes, and do little immature things or even threaten him in any way - he was calling the DSS hotline and reporting him for harrassment and abuse. Apparenly the "crazy" neighbor lady gave better advice than they thought.
IN the end - it made me sick to think that Dude chose to go back there and live with the possibility of anything happening again like it did. He said to his Dad that the sad reality of it all was that while he would'nt be abused again - he needed them as much as they needed him. Should they be reported for foster care violtaions it's going to open up a nasty can of worms because they run the only local day care and have about 50 kids. I see many violations and end of income for all in that house.
- Again - crazy or not - BiPolar (BP) neighbor gave true and accurate info.
I know this too because instead of sitting around being upset and stressed I made some calls like you suggested. I got educated on what is and isn't legal and had my information on a notebook ready to make calls if it went bad for Dude. I looked up the licensing board for foster care and day care. Printed out the regulations.
Found out that Dude is supposed to be getting a quarterly allowance for clothes - has lived there a year and not gotten ONE single outfit. THe stuff they got him at Christmas was all too small and was "given" away to other kids they knew (groan). So they can either buck up for the last year or start NOW.....since everyone seems to have fun poking fun at his second hand attire. I sent for the brochure that states - kids get a quarterly allowance so it can just be pointed out to the fosters that Dude is aware of it. Let's say he picked it up at the last foster review.
When it was all said and done Dude was very quiet and melancholy. We drove out to see if he was okay -He met us at the car and hugged me and kissed my cheek and said "I'm okay Momma really I'll be fine." I told him we had NO desire to rehash anything with his foster family and have found them to largely be liars. He said YUP....but I'm not going to be here long. Maybe this is the "what" he needed to start to open a savings acct.?
We picked up Dudes puppy and took it home with us. Actually there are two -one he intended to keep and another he rescued. He finally agreed to allow us to find a home for them. He's 18 and works all day - he has no time for a dog. We were surprised that he agreed to our terms, but said he was trying to do the right thing. They won't have trouble getting homes. More importantly he liked the stroking he got from both of us for doing the right thing for a living being. (that was huge)
So that's about the jist of it all. Am I angry still? Yes. Did I interfere and solve it for my 18 year old kid? Nope. Am I proud of him for solving his problems on his own? Yes, but a little sad at the fact that it worked out the way it did. He's right because they would put him somewhere else possibly far far away - that's how they "get" parents here to keep their kids at home. It's a scam. But it's stupid - because the kids that get sent away are mostly from the same area and when they get out they all "hook up" after making GOOD friends. (GROAN OUT LOUD). Here a severely emotionally disturbed kid gets assistance until he's 21. In Dudes case we're trying to hang on until next Fall because he's still on probation and all the supports (as useless as they are) are STILL accountable in the end for helping him be successful.
Driving away from his house last night I felt somewhere between sick to my stomach to thinking he solved his OWN problems at 18 and proud. At least he had a plan going to them last night that worked for him. I'm just glad he knows no one EVER has the right to hit you, push you, choke you or abuse you. He said he was fully aware of that.
So for now - it's over. DF said that it's nice to know that these people will at least be watching their P's & Q's for a while to come. Then pulled in and bought a huge bag of Puppy Chow and took the "boys" home. We are officially part of the lollipop guild for furry critters.
THanks for all your suggestions (they worked) and concern and prayers (those worked too).
Hugs & Love
Star
