Entitled but not deserving

[notmombutcare]

I am not a mom but an aunt my sister is a prescription drug abuser and my niece 18 yo and nephew 21 spend a lot of time at my parents house where I live I am disabled. I pay rent My nephew acts like he is the king my parents give him anything he wants including an iphone which they paid for and pay for service and serve him all meals he does nothing to help them no mowing no shoveling he doesn’t even take care of his dishes he just expects my mother to do everything for him. My mother feels sorry for them because of the parents they have I don’t know how many times i have wanted to say don’t overcompensate for the parents lack of responsibility. It is soooo frustrating he didn’t even say happy mother’s day to her. My niece thank god is down to earth and at 18 very self sufficient she is graduating high school next weekend and has a full time job for the summer while my nephew has a job he works one day a week from 2-9 pm and expects my parents to bring him his dinner at the appointed hour. Am i wrong in my frustration? I welcome any and all feedback Thank You

 

[BusynMember]

I would be frustrated too, but there is nothing you can do. I assume you have shared this with your parents. It's their house. And you can't control other people, including parents, children, or other loved ones. They do what they want to do, no matter how we wish they wouldn't, no matter how we feel it is the wrong thing to do. And I agree that your nephew is being a jerk. But your parents don't care.

All I can advise is to let it go because you have no control over it and no angst on your part will change what they do. If he hurts anyone, by all means call the police. But you again can't force your parents to press charges and they actually may all turn on YOU.

If it really bothers you, perhaps you can call the county mental health center and discuss it with a counselor. This has helped many of us cope with this and other dysfunction.

Have a good day. Others will come along probably after the weekend. It is also Father's Day. I got some free time because my hub is helping our daughters fiance installing an air conditioner or I wouldn't be around either. Hope it helped.

 

[Triedntrue]

I understand your frustration. You don't like to see your parents taken advantage of. SWOT is correct about you making them change. They have to come to the realization that he is being a jerk. I don't know if it would help if you subtlety point out to him by saying things like i am sure mom/granma is tired why don't you take your dishes out. Or if you took more hours at work you would have more money to do what you want without burdening grandpa. Or it is getting hard for grandpa to mow this yard could you help?. I know you said his parents are addicts but would mom intervene if asked? It might also make your parents realize that he is taking advantage.

 

[Crayola13]

I agree your nephew has plenty of time in his work schedule to mow their lawn, vacuum, etc. Your nephew probably struggles with anger against his parents for their lack of being real parents. I can see why grandma wants to buy him things. A lot of grandparents do that when they feel a child has been abandoned by a parent. Kids don't realize that learning to mow the lawn, etc. is an essential life skill. It's also a way to help your grandparents when they're too old to do it. My 90-year old grandpa wouldn't admit it, but he had a hard time mowing. It would be triple digit heat and you would see him mowing. The next day he would be stuck in the recliner with a heating pad.

 

[notmombutcare]

thank you for all the reply’s

 

[recoveringenabler]

It must be extremely frustrating for you, I would be frustrated too.

It's hard to be on the sidelines watching this go down.....being powerless to change anything.....I'd encourage you to find a way to let it go, to accept what you can't change. Often we need professional support to learn acceptance. It's not easy to recognize how little control we really have. Your parents are trying to make up for your sister's unhealthy parenting, which is not uncommon, unfortunately, they've slipped into enabling which is unhealthy in a different way.

You seem to be the one person in the family able to see the truth and what is truly going on....it's a tough place to be when no one is listening to you.....often the person seeing the truth is seen as the bad guy who disrupts the broken family system....take care of yourself here, seeking short term counseling may be helpful for you.