***Everybody seems so down these days...***

[Sue C]

Our English springer spaniel Casey sneaks into the basement to get his "snacks" out of the kitty litter box, so we have a baby gate across the stairs. It's an open stairway, so we have to just lean it against the wall and leave a space for the cat to get downstairs. But sometimes Casey still manages to sneak down there. Yuck.

Should I gross you all out? (and maybe give you a laugh) Our neighbors used to have a shihtzu who would come over and poop in our yard. We didn't mind because...................he ate it and there was no mess left behind!!!! LOL and yuck!

Sue

 

[Suz]

...uh.....is this thread deteriorating.......or what?

:surprise:

Anyone have any good jokes instead? :wink:

Suz

 

[Sue C]

Sorry about getting gross.

OK, this popped into my head. When Melissa was little and we were driving on the freeway past one of those deer crossing signs, she said, "Mom, how do the deer know they have to cross here?" LOL

Sue

 

[Sunlight]

ok so a man runs out of gas. a bee flies in the window and tells the man he can help him. the bee goes and gets a bunch of other bees. they fly into the man's gas tank and then fly out. the man starts his car up. the man asks the bee how did they get the car to run with no gas?? what did they put in the gas tank??

the bee said.........




B P (get it???bee pee har har) ok if you dont have BiPolar (BP) Gas in your area this joke is a dud.

 

[ScentofCedar]

So, the wife decided her husband was going in for a check up.

Both were elderly, and he had been deteriorating quickly of late ~ not sleeping well, increased frequency of urination ~ especially at night; a fascination with all things spiritual.

So, the husband goes into the examining room with the doctor.

A little later, the doctor comes out, and tells the wife her husband is fine and she can take him home.

"Wait a minute!" the wife says, flabbergasted.

"Did he tell you he hasn't been sleeping well? And about how often he goes to the bathroom?"

"Yep." the doctor said.

"Did he tell you he thinks Jesus is turning the bathroom light on for him?"

"Oh, yes." the doctor replied. "Perfectly normal to think that way at his age ~ and perfectly harmless."

"Well alright, then." the wife said, picking up her purse and getting ready to collect her husband.

"But next time that old pees in the fridge ~ he's outta here!"

Barbara

 

[Kathy813]

I think this came from the board a while ago but in case anyone hasn't seen it . . .

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Dear Dogs and Cats:

The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest. The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run. I cannot buy anything bigger than a king-sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm. For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years and canine or feline attendance is not mandatory. The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's . I cannot stress this enough! To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door:

Rules for Non-Pet Owners Who Visit and Like to Complain About Our Pets:

1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (That's why they call it "fur"niture.)
3. I like my pets a lot better than most people.
4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.

Dogs and cats are better than kids ... They eat less, don't ask for money all the time, are easier to train, usually come when called, never drive your car, don't hang out with drug-using friends, don't smoke or drink, don't worry about having to buy the latest fashions, don't wear your clothes, and don't need a gazillion dollars for college -- and if they get pregnant, you can sell the children.
</div></div>

The last paragraph seems to fit especially well for those of us who have reached PE status.

~Kathy

 

[Hound dog]

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body"> Rules for Non-Pet Owners Who Visit and Like to Complain About Our Pets:

1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (That's why they call it "fur"niture.)
3. I like my pets a lot better than most people.
4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.</div></div>

I'm going to post this on my frig. :rofl:

 

[Abbey]

I've recently somewhat adopted a cat. I think it's a young one, but so adorable. He comes around a couple of times a day and begs for attention. After a few months of this, I broke down and bought him some kitty food (this is after MANY cans of tuna).

Today when I was leaving for work, he was sitting in the middle of the road being bombarded by about 5 birds. He's so stupid that he wouldn't run away...just sat there jumping straight in the air trying to catch one of the birds. :hammer:

I don't know if he's a stray, or he's just really smart and canvasses the neighborhood for treats.

Abbey

 

[ScentofCedar]

Cats are so cool!

I love the way they look at you with their eyes kind of crossed?

HA!

Barbara

 

[Suz]

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body">and if they get pregnant, you can sell the children. </div></div>

I've been out of town on business. How fun to come back to these recent additions.

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

Thanks, gang! :flower:

Suz

 

[Jen]

That is so cute! I remember my parents baby irish setter that had diarrhea once, and pood on their lime green living room carpet.
Jen