I'm so tired of this problem.
Background: Stepson is 11 and has a whole host of problems, that all boil down to he feels absolutely, profoundly sorry for himself and believes he should be king of the family with everyone scurrying around dedicated to pleasing him, and since that doesn't happen, he's emotionalless and dedicated to causing all the passive aggressive trouble he can.
He stole his sisters daddy-daughter dance dress; he slashed his mattress with a knife, he poured paint on his bedroom rug; his sister's bookbag ends up in the pool--twice; so does her bike; his school uniforms disappear. So does his homework and his shoes and his agenda. He accuses us of abuse. He accuses us--or mostly me--of doing all these things just to get him into trouble. He's polite and quiet and SEEMS to be anxious to cooperate, and is soooo good at playing wounded puppy who's being kicked. He lies: for example he claimed that when he was cleaning the pool he saw me steal his homework and take it to my desk. When I took him and my husband out to the pool to demonstrate that unless he could see through walls, his story was impossible, tears rolled down his cheeks silently and he passionately insisted he saw it, he saw it, no he can't see through walls, but he saw me take his homework. He did! He did! He's so believable. I could have believed him. And he has hundreds of lies like this, and they just roll off his tongue and he's so quick with them.
He has taken 4 weapons to school, but they let him go with a 10 day suspension instead of mandatory expulsion because he's such a 'nice boy'; the last time he successfully diverted them with a story of abuse at home and got taken to a forensic abuse doctor who immediately knew he was lying and had psychiatric issues--but it didn't get CPS off our backs for another 4 months. He lied to the judge, telling him his grades were WORSE than they really were. His father once missed dinner and about 8:30 at night asked him: Did you eat? and he immediately answered No. I was in the living room and shouted, Yes, he did eat. And his father asked: Why you lie? And smooth as butter, he said: Oh, I thought you meant did I have breakfast and lunch? There are milliions of lies like this, he tells everyone: neighbors, everyone at school, the older kids' girlfriends, my other son's boy scout troop, therapists, police...and they are lies. When he was 8 and first started this, he was asked why he was doing it, and he said, calmly, coolly: I want my dad and WSM to go to jail.
There's so much more.
He's been in therapy, tested, seen specialist after specialist. He's in a day military school. If he misbehaves at school, they make him carry rocks all day long. He's now behaving more or less at school. Except his uniform is missing, his homework, his agenda and last night he snuck off while I was talking in the front yard with a neighbor and poured purple coolaid all over his bed and plain water all over his sister's bed. Again.
He of course has NO IDEA how this happened.
Now the school called: they'd like to come by and do a few home visits. I don't want this. I'm tired. We've had home visits, by probation officers and CPS, we do counselling 3 times a month. Every couple days something weird or malicious happens, and the suspicion falls on Stepson. It never ends...psychiatrists don't find anything altho both his bio mom and both his maternal bio uncles are schizophrenic. As far as we know his mother is wandering the streets shouting at god again. She does that about 8 months of the year. He has a host of official diagnosis's and has clearly got some subtle mental illness problems. Mostly though he just feels very very sorry for himself (and convinces other kids at school to feel so sorry for him too so that they give him money, and once a clock), and believes everyone is mean to him for no reason. He's sure he's smarter than everyone around him and knows how to manipulate psychologists.
I don't want another round of home visits, another set of 'helpful' suggestions: start over, use rewards and punishments, spend more time with him, praise him constantly...We've been dealing with this for at least FOUR YEARS and these things DON'T work. But of course everyone thinks it's the parents (he's such a nice little boy and he doesn't lash out and tantrum or talk back like all the other troubled kids), it MUST be the parents. They always want to try it again, thinking if THEY oversee us and second guess us THIS time it will work.
I don't want more home visits from the head of this military school whom I don't even think is a psychologist. I don't want more suggestions of the same thing: I want to be listened to and BELIEVED: these are the facts of the problem...what is the solution to fit the FACTS.
But of course if you say you don't want another home visit, it means you aren't cooperating and of course it's proof it's the parents' fault. Particularly the wicked stepmother's fault--just like the kid says it is.
I'm just exhausted. I just want to run away.
(The truth of the matter as I see it is: stepson 11 has a personality disorder; perhaps passive aggressive personality disorder, perhaps narcistic personality disorder, perhaps antisocial personality disorder or schizoid personality disorder. But he has a personality disorder. However, you cannot responsibly diagnosis anyone under the age of 18 with a PD, altho several professionals have danced around the subject. And PDs really can't be fixed/cured or even managed. But I know, I just know that's what he has, and I know at least 3 of the professionals we've dealt with have thought that too, but can't say it. Remember when it was thought children couldn't have schizophrenia or bi polar disorder? Someday they'll acknowledge children can have PDs too. And maybe someday there will be a treatment protocol for it.)
Background: Stepson is 11 and has a whole host of problems, that all boil down to he feels absolutely, profoundly sorry for himself and believes he should be king of the family with everyone scurrying around dedicated to pleasing him, and since that doesn't happen, he's emotionalless and dedicated to causing all the passive aggressive trouble he can.
He stole his sisters daddy-daughter dance dress; he slashed his mattress with a knife, he poured paint on his bedroom rug; his sister's bookbag ends up in the pool--twice; so does her bike; his school uniforms disappear. So does his homework and his shoes and his agenda. He accuses us of abuse. He accuses us--or mostly me--of doing all these things just to get him into trouble. He's polite and quiet and SEEMS to be anxious to cooperate, and is soooo good at playing wounded puppy who's being kicked. He lies: for example he claimed that when he was cleaning the pool he saw me steal his homework and take it to my desk. When I took him and my husband out to the pool to demonstrate that unless he could see through walls, his story was impossible, tears rolled down his cheeks silently and he passionately insisted he saw it, he saw it, no he can't see through walls, but he saw me take his homework. He did! He did! He's so believable. I could have believed him. And he has hundreds of lies like this, and they just roll off his tongue and he's so quick with them.
He has taken 4 weapons to school, but they let him go with a 10 day suspension instead of mandatory expulsion because he's such a 'nice boy'; the last time he successfully diverted them with a story of abuse at home and got taken to a forensic abuse doctor who immediately knew he was lying and had psychiatric issues--but it didn't get CPS off our backs for another 4 months. He lied to the judge, telling him his grades were WORSE than they really were. His father once missed dinner and about 8:30 at night asked him: Did you eat? and he immediately answered No. I was in the living room and shouted, Yes, he did eat. And his father asked: Why you lie? And smooth as butter, he said: Oh, I thought you meant did I have breakfast and lunch? There are milliions of lies like this, he tells everyone: neighbors, everyone at school, the older kids' girlfriends, my other son's boy scout troop, therapists, police...and they are lies. When he was 8 and first started this, he was asked why he was doing it, and he said, calmly, coolly: I want my dad and WSM to go to jail.
There's so much more.
He's been in therapy, tested, seen specialist after specialist. He's in a day military school. If he misbehaves at school, they make him carry rocks all day long. He's now behaving more or less at school. Except his uniform is missing, his homework, his agenda and last night he snuck off while I was talking in the front yard with a neighbor and poured purple coolaid all over his bed and plain water all over his sister's bed. Again.
He of course has NO IDEA how this happened.
Now the school called: they'd like to come by and do a few home visits. I don't want this. I'm tired. We've had home visits, by probation officers and CPS, we do counselling 3 times a month. Every couple days something weird or malicious happens, and the suspicion falls on Stepson. It never ends...psychiatrists don't find anything altho both his bio mom and both his maternal bio uncles are schizophrenic. As far as we know his mother is wandering the streets shouting at god again. She does that about 8 months of the year. He has a host of official diagnosis's and has clearly got some subtle mental illness problems. Mostly though he just feels very very sorry for himself (and convinces other kids at school to feel so sorry for him too so that they give him money, and once a clock), and believes everyone is mean to him for no reason. He's sure he's smarter than everyone around him and knows how to manipulate psychologists.
I don't want another round of home visits, another set of 'helpful' suggestions: start over, use rewards and punishments, spend more time with him, praise him constantly...We've been dealing with this for at least FOUR YEARS and these things DON'T work. But of course everyone thinks it's the parents (he's such a nice little boy and he doesn't lash out and tantrum or talk back like all the other troubled kids), it MUST be the parents. They always want to try it again, thinking if THEY oversee us and second guess us THIS time it will work.
I don't want more home visits from the head of this military school whom I don't even think is a psychologist. I don't want more suggestions of the same thing: I want to be listened to and BELIEVED: these are the facts of the problem...what is the solution to fit the FACTS.
But of course if you say you don't want another home visit, it means you aren't cooperating and of course it's proof it's the parents' fault. Particularly the wicked stepmother's fault--just like the kid says it is.
I'm just exhausted. I just want to run away.
(The truth of the matter as I see it is: stepson 11 has a personality disorder; perhaps passive aggressive personality disorder, perhaps narcistic personality disorder, perhaps antisocial personality disorder or schizoid personality disorder. But he has a personality disorder. However, you cannot responsibly diagnosis anyone under the age of 18 with a PD, altho several professionals have danced around the subject. And PDs really can't be fixed/cured or even managed. But I know, I just know that's what he has, and I know at least 3 of the professionals we've dealt with have thought that too, but can't say it. Remember when it was thought children couldn't have schizophrenia or bi polar disorder? Someday they'll acknowledge children can have PDs too. And maybe someday there will be a treatment protocol for it.)