Tiapet
Old Hand
Hello family. I'm sorry I haven't posted in so long. I do read. Life is crazy as it is for ya'll too but I've just not been able to bring myself to do much of anything these days. I'm tapped out and I do feel guilty all the way around. I've got no wise words for anyone. I'm here because I've just had to do something horrible but I knew I had to do it. Anyone that followed my posts back from last March (?){can't find in archives to link any old but} when I brought my mother and step father down due to the cancer situation and all that happened may understand this, or not. After severing the ties at that time when they up and did what they did I've had no contact with them since as I said I needed to do. I mean absolutely NONE! Which brings me to current. I had gotten a email from my mother about 4 months after she left and in it she was complaining about some money I hadn't paid her (I was a month behind on a payment arrangement). Let's be clear on what that was. First of all I didn't "owe" her the money. It was money I "offered" for an item she was leaving behind because she could not take with her and all her stuff she HAD to leave behind I was now going to have to deal with getting rid of. They came down in a 22 ft rental truck {recall that I had been the one who had to find someone to donate it for them too}, went back in only what would fit in a mini van. Very big difference! I was being nice an offering the money as I had a use for the item and I knew she could use the money. Anyway, in the email she tells me to apply the balance (a whole $79) to my 3 kids birthdays for the year. That was all that was stated in the email. When I sent the money I'd send it registered return receipt no other enclosures with the payment so that I knew she got it and no other person and no way she could say she didn't get it either (as has happened in past with things). Next time I hear from her was a month later(Aug). In that one she apologizes for "hurting me so much" because she was acting out due to the cancer situation and taking it out on me. That there was "no reason that anything that was said or done against me". Let's be clear of what happened back then, it was not that. If ya'll recall this has been lifelong stuff going on repeatedly and what transpired was no different just worse. Some I didn't post here of course. Then I get a very short and simple email (Oct) that says "I don't know if you want to know or care but I have breast cancer and have to have surgery". I never responded to any of her emails and she never knew if I was even getting them. Ok well normally someone would react differently then I did of course since I know the drama that is created in the past. But in the mean time just around that time my step father's daughter was in our area and facebooked my older daughter in hoping to reach me (she's not on her list). She didn't respond but did tell me. This was about 4 weeks ago. My SO gets a call on a google number he's had for years (and we didn't even know they knew or how they got) 4 nights ago from my sister stating she wanted to mend the fences with me but in reality it's only really been about my mother getting to talk to the kids. Then my sister, who let's be clear the last contact with her was to me via text and she was and always is vile, told me to never contact her again or she would file embarrassment charges (this from the person who contacted ME!) and that was Nov/Dec of 2012, facebooked my older daughter as well (she's also not on her list) and told her about her Grandmother's cancer and how I am brainwashing all my kids against her and that she can be an adult that she is and contact her. Fact is my daughter is the one who DOESN'T want to do it, her choice, not mine. So, I decided enough was enough (mother bear tendencies as I know this was now upsetting my daughter because she came to me) and I texted my sister. Mind you since all this transpired many months ago all of our cell numbers have been changed so no one could reach us at all other then postal mail (which no one attempted). I asked her to back off, let her know it was my daughter's choice and why we were not contacting my mother even with this situation at hand now. That my children are not in a place that is good to do so (the heck with that NONE of them desire to speak to her either!). Of course my sister would have none of it. She doesn't and has never accepted mental illness at all and thinks it's a bunch of **** and that I'm the problem and created my kids "brainwashing" of not only the illness but how they feel about their Grandmother (not that they lived through all that she has done while living with us and away from us). She has viciously vile words for me as well as ending the conversation telling me I was fat, lazy, and wishing me dead. I simply said yes I am and yes I will thank. I also told her to grow up. I think it was short simple and appropriate. Next thing I know my cell phone is ringing and it's her. My daughter refused for me to answer (not that I was) and she grabbed it to try and get her to stop bugging. She spoke politely, respectfully and tried to make my sister understand that it was HER choice to not speak to her grandmother but my sister just kept screaming at her on the phone to "put the adult on the phone" (wasn't she telling my daughter SHE WAS an ADULT?). My daughter said what she said and sister kept it up so she politely hung up. The next morning for almost 4 hours straight her son calls my cell first from his number then making his number private. Sometimes leaving voice mail, sometimes not (I have captured all of them). He assaults me verbally just like his mother over my parenting, brainwashing my kids, my medication (I don't even do what he's accusing me of), rehashes apparently the lies my mother went up there telling everyone (which I had already know about), and ultimately threatening me with "you know your dying, shall we make it go quicker?". He also wanted to confirm my address in one of them to "make things worse", oh and to let me know this was not going to stop. Ok well, based on all that's in those voice mails I can easily take them to the police and file charges against him for the threats and the ones on my life. Not a good thing and as was pointed out to me, he used a cell phone so it's federal charges as it's a communication device as well. Now I don't want to go to that extreme. I know he's acting out whether his mother triggered it or on his own I can't say but he thinks he can bully me into acting or making me feel bad it's not going to work at all. It only makes him look bad and actually psychotic based on how and what he was saying in the voice mails. Sad, really really sad for family to act like this. Just because hard choices are made not to speak to someone. I'm sorry she had cancer (has apparently since had a double mastectomy and will now be going through the rest of the treatment) and may be dying but this situation was long before all of this and it's not going to change. My sister and her family aren't dying either. So here I am, making a very very difficult decision months ago to end the lifelong struggles as I spoke about and my mother gets Cancer. She not only had breast cancer but pagets disease (nipple cancer too) which only affects 1% of people. That doesn't change anything. In fact, truth be told, she KNEW she had problems for 3 years prior and I fought with her to go to a doctor about it she refused. Then when she did attempt to talk to her doctor the doctor blew her off and at that time she was having serious issues with discharges from the nipple which is not a good sign. They repeatedly just gave her antibiotics and dismissed her and I fought again with her to go to another doctor. She refused again! I fought tooth and nail with her a long time over this. I have always fought with her over many things but in her mind I was "controlling" her and so she just didn't do things. Really really sad and that's the whole foundation of this family issue from what I can tell, even from my sister and her son. They think I'm MAD that she went back up north. As we all know I found it to be a relief (struggled with decision to bring her down to begin with) at the time once she did but couldn't understand why she would have me go through all that only to go back less then a month later. Her whole purpose for coming down was for me to help her. She saw it as controlling apparently or at least that's what she is going around telling everyone (including what she attempted to tell my older daughter AFTER she said what she did about her drug use). There is just so much more and as usual, I'm the bad guy for doing the right thing all the time. I'm sorry I really am that she has cancer and she may die. It is tough. But#1 my kids do NOT want to speak to her, #2 they are not stable at all even if they did. My middle one is cutting, acting out, suicidal thinking, and now has added possible schizophrenia (due to hearing and seeing things). Older one is cutting and drinking and drinks when something bothers her. She has a serious problem with drinking I believe, though she denies. My son takes things and acts out anger/aggression because he can't express what is bothering him. I'm suppose to upset their apple carts now when we STILL can't get them entirely stable when we've just started to get them to a point of knowing what to expect? I can't risk their mental health and stability under any circumstances! Let's not even add in my OWN health problems! I was bed ridden a month, literally. I could not get out of bed, other issues are coming up and I'm having testing done. I have blood in my own urine and they are wondering if it's cancer. My heart has always been an issue. Just more, always more happening to me. I still can't walk and I've got more going on there too. So I was told NO MORE stress! So am I wrong? Am I wrong for still sticking by this decision even though this has come up? I don't know if I'm necessarily asking if anyone agrees with me or not as just putting this out there as such an unreal situation that just never seems to end! I know others have family drama too and have had to make separations but geesh......... In my families eyes I am being selfish too. Maybe I am, to preserve my OWN family and my own health. Thanks for letting me vent. I've been holding this in as I have no where and no one to talk about this with other then the kids team, which has given me valuable insight and direction. But it's not the same, Know what I mean??
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