Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Nomad, Sep 11, 2019.

  1. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    Kay, Nomad's daughter and my son seem to share, unfortunately, the same triad of qualities that alternately undermine them and undo us.

    1. They insist upon complete autonomy of decision making.

    2. Their judgment is poor and they refuse to accept that their decision making is flawed.

    3. By doing it their way (wacky or half-assed), they create "realities" which are wacky, dangerous, conflictual or otherwise impossible. Instead of learning from this something about themselves, they tend to blame others. Instead of fixing the situations they turn to us for bail-outs.
    Yes. However, please refer to number 1, above.

    My son is living again with us. We are struggling but I am seeing some cracks in his mindset. He is afraid he will lose his SSI. He recognizes if he does he will lose the power base he has felt from this money. And with that he will lose the control he has felt in his life. He has relied on the money to feel control. To his credit, he is seeing the writing on the wall and he is cooperating to do (some) things that I insist upon, like medical treatment. At long last.

    While he may have matured a bit, what I think has happened is that he does not want to be homeless again. And he is anticipating that he may be dependent upon me, if his SSI money stops.

    Nomad. Your daughter is capable of learning from her experience. It seems that the quality that more than anything that gets her in trouble is her arrogance and imperiousness.
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  2. BusynMember

    BusynMember Well-Known Member

    Kay is like this too. But she doesnt want SSI. Partly that was because we paid for her so this could change.

    One day we wont be here. Kay will be on her own. Lee is hardly a help.

    I worry but I cant do much. I always say its hard. It IS hard.

    Blessings to all. I am trying to block out that it is Friday 13th plus a full moon. I can be superstitious.
  3. Nomad

    Nomad Well-Known Member

    Yep. Many truisms.

    My daughter is somewhat capable of learning from experience. It’s painfully and shockingly slow. I might times “dangerously” slow. It’s limited. Shockingly limited.

    Yes, she wants independence / autonomy. Yes, her judgement is hideous.

    She also does some of that weird “persecution” thing. Everyone is out to get me. Or is it a “cop out” thing. Or a mixture? “Everyone hates me and no one cares, so I might as well...

    Give up”

    Even if there is much evidence to the contrary.

    That attitude , that arrogance , that I know best, that lack of gratitude...and her impulsiveness gets people furious with her.

    Had to look up “imperiousness...” yes...that too!!!!
    Last edited: Sep 13, 2019
  4. Nomad

    Nomad Well-Known Member

    Forgive me if this seems strange or even unkind in some way, but sometimes I think adopted kids have a disproportionate amount of all of this stuff we are talking about. Or it seems and tad more intense. I don't know.
  5. Crayola13

    Crayola13 Active Member

    I think the guy downstairs is probably imagining some of this. Also, walking is considered normal noise. If the building is old, the floor boards might be creaky and need to be replaced. He lives below her, so that is just something he has to accept.

    Because of aneurysm, she may not realize the People she's bringing over are sketchy characters.

    Get her a disability attorney. We have apartments here that cater to the mentally ill that would tolerate problematic behavior, but like you, I would worry about the area of town. Also, People jump from those balconies all the time because they are mentally ill. None of the tenants get along with each other. The land lords and property managers are rarely qualified to work with the mentally ill, so there are incidents that regularly make the evening news.
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  6. BusynMember

    BusynMember Well-Known Member

    I think adoption in of itself is a special need. Fifty percent of all kids brought to therapists are adopted. Scary since maybe 3 per cent of all kids or less are adopted. I am very sad about this.

    I don't think landlords have any interest in the mentally ill or problem tenants. They want you easy or out.

    We have some homes for the mentally ill in decent city and even some suburban neighborhoods. They have rules too though or you can be tossed out. That's why so many mentally ill adults are homeless. Makes the lump in my throat grow larger.
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