Star*
call 911........call 911
I am changing my post again. I will change it forever it I have to! I am trying so hard to be what everyone else is. I want to be that strong. I dont want to go visit my son and it makes me feel guilty. He wants me to come but when I see him I just want to cry instead of be angry. I have to really prepare myself. My husband doesnt go. He is tired of going up there but I feel he needs someone. I just cant go yet. My emotions are so raw that I would just crumble I think. I have to take care of myself. I wrote him a letter telling him I would come visit but not right now it upsets me too much. I do grieve. I am trying to get my husband to go somewhere. He is locked into deer hunting! Sometimes I feel I just get left out.
Hi Stands - What's shakin' today!?
Here's some observations from someone who's had a lot of therapy -
1.) BE YOURSELF. Somewhere inside you there is a fantastic, bright, smart, beautiful, caring, loving, person that is just screaming to get out - but for whatever reason you buried her - therapy will help you find that Susan - she's in there, she doesn't need to be like ANYONE else in the world. She's unique and she deserves to be loved. Start with finding her and a lot of the rest of the emotions will work themselves out.
2.) GIVE yourself permission to have emotions. It's okay to cry about your son in jail - he's your kid. It's OKAY to be angry at him for messing up - you worked hard to raise him and he's tossing it away. It's NOT okay to NOT forgive yourself for feeling normal emotions to tragic situations. You are human -repeat that daily I AM HUMAN.
3.) husband doesn't want to go see his son? Fine. When you are able, ready and prepared go. If you are NEVER prepared, ready or able did you know that THAT is also fine? ALLOW YOURSELF THAT.
4.) I feel my son needs someone. Well welcome to the Moms club - and here's a secret - WE ALL feel that way, but through trial and error or therapy - we've learned for our own sanity to detach and let go. Detaching doesn't mean you dont' love your kid - it means you love him enough to let him fall and see how well HE can do to pick HIMSELF up. It will make him feel more like a man. If you run and solve things for him - he'll never grow up. THAT was so hard for me - I have a need to protect like a mother bear due to the abuse we (my son and I) suffered.
5.) Deer season? ACH PHOOEY! I just can't tell you what it means to me - TIME ALONE IN THE HOUSE? TIME TO DO SOMETHING CRAZY like run around naked listening to the stereo and dipping french fries in my milkshake from McDonalds. I tell myself I AM ONE WITH THE HOUSE - I tell DF - YOU BE ONE WITH THE DEER....and then I tell him THAT I NEED A DATE NIGHT - or he can kiss the deer square on the cold nose.
6.) When I feel left out - I try to remember not to lock the door.
7.) When I am blue? I breathe.
8.) Might be time for you to get a medications tweak yourself.
many hugs
Star
Hi Stands - What's shakin' today!?
Here's some observations from someone who's had a lot of therapy -
1.) BE YOURSELF. Somewhere inside you there is a fantastic, bright, smart, beautiful, caring, loving, person that is just screaming to get out - but for whatever reason you buried her - therapy will help you find that Susan - she's in there, she doesn't need to be like ANYONE else in the world. She's unique and she deserves to be loved. Start with finding her and a lot of the rest of the emotions will work themselves out.
2.) GIVE yourself permission to have emotions. It's okay to cry about your son in jail - he's your kid. It's OKAY to be angry at him for messing up - you worked hard to raise him and he's tossing it away. It's NOT okay to NOT forgive yourself for feeling normal emotions to tragic situations. You are human -repeat that daily I AM HUMAN.
3.) husband doesn't want to go see his son? Fine. When you are able, ready and prepared go. If you are NEVER prepared, ready or able did you know that THAT is also fine? ALLOW YOURSELF THAT.
4.) I feel my son needs someone. Well welcome to the Moms club - and here's a secret - WE ALL feel that way, but through trial and error or therapy - we've learned for our own sanity to detach and let go. Detaching doesn't mean you dont' love your kid - it means you love him enough to let him fall and see how well HE can do to pick HIMSELF up. It will make him feel more like a man. If you run and solve things for him - he'll never grow up. THAT was so hard for me - I have a need to protect like a mother bear due to the abuse we (my son and I) suffered.
5.) Deer season? ACH PHOOEY! I just can't tell you what it means to me - TIME ALONE IN THE HOUSE? TIME TO DO SOMETHING CRAZY like run around naked listening to the stereo and dipping french fries in my milkshake from McDonalds. I tell myself I AM ONE WITH THE HOUSE - I tell DF - YOU BE ONE WITH THE DEER....and then I tell him THAT I NEED A DATE NIGHT - or he can kiss the deer square on the cold nose.
6.) When I feel left out - I try to remember not to lock the door.
7.) When I am blue? I breathe.
8.) Might be time for you to get a medications tweak yourself.
many hugs
Star
