Gut-wrenching!

[DDD]

I don't think in nine years on the Board that I have ever read a post that was more genuinely filled with honesty and love. You, husband and easy child shared your hearts with difficult child. I am in awe of you all.

Your difficult child, however, was not able to grasp the meeting concept. Truly I feel badly for him. Some difficult child's just can't "get it". It may be months or years before he can absorb the philosophy of family that you share. It can't be forcefeed.

Personally I would not try to use the transportation time to reiterate the intentions, feelings or concepts. My gut instinct would be to simply chit chat unless he addresses a specific issue. The recurring theme would be "we all love you and wish you well".

The sadness is justified. Most difficult child's leave sadness in their wake. on the other hand, look to the future as a source of joy and happiness for the three of you and remember that there is a chance, albeit slight, that difficult child will join you happily in the future. Hugs. DDD

 

[cakewalk]

You ladies have been a saving grace to me. This is a big 'ole cruel world but this little corner of PE is my safe haven. DDD, I love that kid with everything I have. Thank you for recognizing that.

All of you have such good points. Star, I appreciate the inside information on counseling and perceptions. difficult child is 17 (easy child is 13) and 8 months away from adulthood. I've often wondered how much aunt is really enjoying having my difficult child. Suz, I felt the same way about the Christian statement and I've had a few of those bites on my behind myself. Ouch.

Fran, he's not intentionally believing anyone else. He told his aunt what happened on Sunday when she returned home from the cottage on Monday. His perception of what happened is what she heard. She was furious with me apparently and over the course of the next four days (and I'm sure this weekend) she continued to tell difficult child how SHE felt and what SHE thought we did. So over the course of four days, he hears her word as Gospel and he eventually takes it as his own thought. It's a very powerful "gift" that my sister inherited from my mother.

Nomad, I didn't have plans today but due to your question, easy child and I took off and challenged ourselves to climb the steepest dune I have ever encountered. Thank you for the motivation.

I heard my sister's nasty words over in my head today. I cringed with pain knowing difficult child's heard these same things over and over since Monday afternoon.

 

[mstang67chic]

I really don't have much advice that is any better or better worded than what has already been said.

I do wonder though, if you speak to the counselor ahead of time, if you could set up an appointment with difficult child, yourself AND sister there. Yes, you could be setting yourself up for more ugliness but....assuming the counselor said things in the way that Star mentioned, it could be a good thing for you to offer a group session. YOU are the one showing the initiative, YOU are the one with the voice of reason. If the counselor sees the three of you together and gets a bigger piece of the picture, he may be able to help difficult child make up his own mind and see things for what they are as well as help him to see that he CAN'T just move in or out as the mood strikes.

This may not be feasable or something you would be willing to put yourself through but it's just a thought.

It's easy for us to sit here and tell you to ignore your sister, she's toxic, blah blah blah. But we're not the ones who have to listen to it and live it. I'm sorry you don't have the kind of sister you deserve and I'm sorry she's got such a nasty hold over difficult child. I wish I knew how to fix it. HUGS