Hard time letting go when difficult child 1 is close to failing...

[witzend]

The e-mail sounds hopeful, that he is amping up a bit. I don't think it immediately matters why he is stepping up his game (it does in the long run). I would use it as an opportunity to praise him for doing so, though. Is it possible that now that the initial anger has worn off that you and/or husband could talk to him to discuss that you realize he is beginning to see the importance of homework, and the teacher says that he is trying to catch up and that you are proud that he is trying? He probably needs some kudos for that. Then maybe there is a way that you or the teacher can help him with the late work so that he can do current work in class? Then you can also do the neuro psychiatric and IEP, because doing the work late isn't the solution, it's a bandaid.

Or, is it possible that I need to adjust my rose colored glasses?

 

[Jena]

Hi,

How are you? It's so frustrating I know. So, I wanted to give you another thought on this if I may. Granted his performance or lack thereof may be directly linked to the anxiety issues that he has. Yet I see he is 14, and in 8th grade. I wanted to ask socially how is he doing? Does he have friends? Do they "hang out" together?

The reason I am asking is because I as I think many of us do whenever we see a change of fluctuation in our children's school performance/or home behavior we tend to think of the disorders in which they struggle with, and the other varying issues that come from that. Yet sometimes, especially in 8th grade and being a teenager it can just be teenagism I like to call it. Besides all their struggles their still the typical child growing and adjusting through their childhood and into their teenage years. It could very well be a mix of both and all factors as well. Many of my friends kids, and my older one as well fell short in 8th and 9th grade especially, who knows why hormonal their bodies changing their needs changing the realization of high school around the corner, the cirriculum sometimes can be a bit more challenging the year prior to high school because their trying to gear them up, and prepare.

So, I'm not saying that it's that, i'm just offering a different thought on this for you. Granted our kids are unique, yet there are some things I do believe in certain circumstances that hold true across the board during the teenage years.

My almost 16 year old for example, she's never been diagnosis with anything yet i know she's had her bouts of depression here and there, we went to joint therapy together to handle it for a short time. Yet now it's I forgot that, I forgot this. Last year forget it i wanted to scream she had to go to summer school because she failed 4 classes, 4 can you imagine. so difficult child and i all last summer up at 7 driving her and repicking up at 11 it ruled out entire summer. i guess what i'm saying is she screwed up end of 8, thru 9th and hopefully now this year being in 10th she's got her head screwed on straight, got progress report so far so good.

I think i'd look at him as a whole, how is he doing at home, with friends, socially and make my decision from there. I think they should have consequences for their behaviors especially when we know we have them on the right drug for quite sometime at the theraputic level, and we have done alot as you with the 504 to facilitate their learning at school.

it's a fine line i think for us with our difficult child's to be honest. We understand their struggles yet we do not want to give them free reign to make mistakes without paying the penalty for them.

good luck!! deep breaths, sorry i rambled on yet after i read all the responses that is what came to mind to me.

Jen

 

[gcvmom]

Jennifer, some of it is likely typical teen stuff, but compounded by the ADHD and anxiety. He's not a very social kid. Has a few friends, but none that are what I'd call close. He's been suffering from Ostrich-syndrome and then he ends up in this situation where his finger's in the dyke but he's not doing anything about the tsnumai that's headed his way. Meanwhile, his dad and I are on another island and our binoculars don't show us everything we need to see. How's that analogy?

Witz, I need to borrow your rose colored glasses 'cuz I'm being blinded by my anger and frustration right now. Maybe I need to tweak MY medications...

You and husband are right that we need to use more positive reinforcements. I'm just feeling like I'm tapped out, so I told husband he has to step up for this situation because I am clearly not dealing well with it. I think he sees that now and he's actually been thinking hard about what to do, which is RARE for this man. So hopefully I will eventually calm down and get my head together, and husband will be a stabilizing force for once in his life, and together, we'll get the situation properly assessed and get the ducks in a row and the sun will come out, tomorrow...

 

[Wiped Out]

Nothing new to add but wanted to send you some gentle hugs.

 

[1 Day At a Time]

GCV Mom,

I am also sending gentle hugs. I hope with time some answers will develop for you all. it really does seem like the Moms catch the worst of this!

You are describing our last 5 years with difficult child. I very much agree with busywend. We have done what we can do as parents, and now we have stepped back. Our difficult child is a Senior this year and in charge of his destiny. He's come around a little, but not very much. He still doesn't want to home school - so we've let it go. Life is so much better at home for us all now. In fact, a couple of times, he has actually asked us for help on some work!

 

[flutterbee]

Gcvmom,

I'm currently reading "No Mind Left Behind" by Adam J. Cox, Ph.D., and while I'm just starting it, I am relating so well to it with Wynter. I also thought about your difficult child 1 while reading it today. I think it would be worth checking out.

 

[gcvmom]

I got the neuropsychologist testing scheduled -- unfortunately they can't get him in until January, but I've already started filling out the background questionnaire and asked that we be put on a wait list if they have any cancellations that might bump us up.

He got more work done after school yesterday and turned it in, and he went in early today to get more done. Last night's Herbert drama messed up the homework schedule big time Hopefully he will be able to finish everything by the end of this week...

Both teachers have agreed to meet -- I'm just waiting on the counselor to coordinate the day and time.

I'm feeling a lot calmer about everything today, probably because I bumped my medications

Thanks everyone for your feedback. Heather, I'll check out that book -- maybe it's in the library. It's a fine line we walk with our kids as they get older, isn't it?

 

[Pookybear66]

GVCmom-Hi there. Cathcing up on all the posts after a couple days of stuff of my own. I hope that the neuropsychologist evaluation reveals something he either has or rules out stuff. Either way at least you will know and be able to move forward to the next step. As a short term thing, is it too much for the teacher to check off in the planner book if he has turned in any homework so that you are at least aware of what he is doing? I'm not sure if 8th grade is too old to be looking over his shoulder while he does assignments. I have a feeling this is what i'll be doing in 5 yrs. So let me know how it all turns out.