I have been conditioned by my past experiences to believe that it is my duty to selflessly do everything and anything in order to 'help' my children up to and including sacrificing my own well-being. That's what 'good' parents do. The fact that these well meaning entities had no solutions for the problem were, in their minds, simply proof that I was the cause and therefor I must then find the solution/cure. I feel like a coward because broken down to into its basest factor........I simply cannot deal with my son anymore.
Pasa, I would venture to guess that most of us here could say that exact same thing...........certainly I could.......each one of us can only do what we think is right in any given moment.......and when we know better, we do better. I am in my 60's too and that self sacrifice was a cultural, gender," mother" expectation many of us suffered under..........like you, I had to learn a different way to respond........and we did.....those years of "unbroken peace" gave you a reality check on what could be your experience and you are implementing that truth now. That is not cowardice, that is reality, that is recognizing our powerlessness in a situation we cannot control, or change. You did the best you could and now it is time to let go. There is no blame there. There is wisdom in knowing what we can change and knowing what we cannot change, as the serenity prayer states. You did the best you could, as we all have.........and now you are here.....acceptance of what is. A bitter pill to swallow sometimes...... reality.