He stole $10 but a friend gave him $10 so he wouldn't get punished ... hmm (long)

[InsaneCdn]

whatamess... If you look at the sequence of events closely, HE took her purse to the car with him. That was the big red flag for me. Trust me. There are lots of creative places to hide the $10 that a Mom won't find. The fact that the $10 wasn't "found" doesn't change anything. (JMO)

 

[DammitJanet]

He has show he can be manipulative very well in the past months...heck its been almost a year now. I think he understands manipulation very well. He has gone from Manipulation 101 to Manipulation 201 or even 301...lol.

 

[buddy]

For a kid who allegedly stole 10 bucks while sitting in the car waiting for his mom and was confronted about it minutes later you are giving him a lot of credit for his deception skills. Ha ha maybe I am too naive, but this is how I interpreted your post: Money is missing, confront son, son denies, son empties pockets-no money, son is questioned and still denies,....I think possibly your son knew that this would not be dropped with simply him denying it... no-win situation for him. You call and continue asking about the money and maybe, knowing you would take the video cord, his friend agreed to give him money because he knew there would be consequences. Thinking Aspie-like, he saw the problem...(which to him was likely loss of video games)...and he solved the problem (in his mind) by paying you the money you wanted, even if he didn't take it.
Obviously, I could be way off on this, but I do tend to take a kid's perspective, especially our spectrum kiddos~

If he did not have a history of stealing, if they had not told him that he would be suspected from now on, I would wonder this too. Terry's easy child has a pretty strong history of doing this kind of stuff. However, I do suspect that while he could say it hurts feelings to do this but I bet it is true he doesn't fully appreciate how it makes others feel..... but sometimes our spectrum kids just need to learn the rule period... feelings aside, and then operate from the lower moral level of punishment or no punishment. In order to be successful in society. I am pretty gullible over stuff like this but I think she has his number in this case, LOL.

I have a hunch Terry reads him pretty well and knows when it is a real "I am gonna just give you money because I dont want a consequence" versus a cover-up. Sounds like he operates on impulse a lot of the time. He has some pretty predictable behavior lately, sigh. (wow can I feel for that issue) I want what I want when I want it. He is a kid who sounds like he keeps mom and dad on guard and hopping every day.

 

[whatamess]

Yes, Terry is likely very on top of things. Thought I'd throw a different spin out there. Do you think he would ever fess up in the future if it was brought up again?

 

[LittleDudesMom]

I have to day, I don't really get it. He was the only one who could have taken the money. You confront him, he lies about it, and he still gets to go hang with a group you suspect might be using. No consequence. husband gets involved and then says, "give him the cord", no consequence. Sounds like he knows he can get what he wants regardless of his actions. How do you think he sees the lack of consequence?

And, just because his eyes are not red and he's not grumpy in no way indicates he didn't get high. Most folks get mellow on weed - not grumpy.

Sharon

 

[buddy]

I got that they were after bigger fish for now. He does get lots of consequences thinking of past posts/situations, but in this case I thought they were using the situation to figure out who the dealer is???

 

[Malika]

Forgive me if my point of view seems rather peculiar, but I don't see the point of "consequences" if Terry's son doesn't get to understand that it is not okay to steal, not okay to steal from your own mother, not okay to lie about it, etc. Going through a ritual of offence and then consequence that doesn't seem to help him evolve as a responsible citizen who actually takes care of those around him rather than trying to manipulate and use them seems rather... pointless. How would you set about teaching such a thing so late in the day (not implying that Terry and her husband didn't teach that when he was little - I'm quite sure they did)? Arrange for one of his peers to "steal" something he cares about and then give it back to him, discussing how he felt and how it might be similar to what he does to others when he steals?

 

[DammitJanet]

Malika I think now is the most important time to really start pushing the time about stealing because he is 15. At 15, he is still a juvenile and would be dealt with accordingly through the courts if caught but very soon it wouldnt be and he would be dealt with as an adult. If he were in NC, at 16 he would be tried as an adult and have an adult record for theft if he stole something. If he steals from a friends parent, they very well could call the police. I would.

Terry, I have a suggestion. Why dont you go in and "steal" something that is important to him. Dont tell him you did it. Act shocked and dont give it back. Let him feel the impact of what it feels like for something of his to get stolen. Sometimes that is the only way to get through to them what it feels like to have a crime happen.

 

[whatamess]

Terry, I have a suggestion. Why dont you go in and "steal" something that is important to him. Dont tell him you did it. Act shocked and dont give it back. Let him feel the impact of what it feels like for something of his to get stolen. Sometimes that is the only way to get through to them what it feels like to have a crime happen.

I know Terry has written "Aspie-Lite" in her signature in reference to her difficult child and that is the diagnosis that gives me pause in deciphering how to reach and teach difficult child's whose perspective is not the same as ours. What indicators of Asperger's does this young man show? Social cognition deficits are a main component of that disorder and rigidity can be as well. When I think of my difficult child and trying to teach him a lesson by perpetrating the same act that I am discouraging him from, this would be utterly confusing for him and actually would, in his mind, justify the behavior (if Mom does, so and so, then so can I). I truly wonder if he is 'self-medicating' with video games and pot (if that is something he is still engaged in) to deal with a world he is struggling to navigate. I don't mean to be dramatic, but maybe all these 'manipulative' actions of his are just a means to get himself in a less anxious state. I hope, Terry, that you don't take these written out ponderings as any type of criticism- kids on the spectrum can be so hard to figure out and help, adding in some kiddos higher verbal abilities and we can easily misinterpret their true intent.

 

[TerryJ2]

Well, lying is lying and we still have rules and he understands them. So it really shouldn't matter.
Still, if we can get through to him and make him understand, rather than just react, it will be a huge breakthrough.

husband has a plan to talk to one of difficult child's friends and he's got to do it because I cannot keep a straight face or voice ... it's simply saying, "I heard that difficult child gave you $10. What did you use it for?"
Then K will blab and say, "I didn't get the money. XYZ got it for whatever."
It almost always works for difficult child so fingers crossed that it will work for K.
Sigh.