SWOT is right. Your daughter is an old married lady now. It is time for the Bank of Mom and/or Dad to be closed. If she can be adult enough to get married, she can support herself. She probably will have to struggle. That is part of having a marriage in the early days. The struggling can help you forge a stronger bond if you made the right choice of partner and are truly willing to make a marriage. If she is always turning to Mom for help, she is turning the wrong way. She should have turned to her husband.
Don't jump in and help now that she is married. Remind her that she is now an adult and tell her that you have faith that hse iwll figure it out with her husband. Yes, this will likely frustrate her and make her angry. Not your problem. If she is angry or disrespectful to you on the phone, hang up on her. Don't take her calls for a day or two if she is not able to be respectful.
I highly suggest you start thinking of her as an adult and not your little girl. I know it is hard, but it is important for both of you. If you have always given her money and/or supported her until now, you will have to make it clear to her that things have changed. She got married and that is a major change in her life. The funds from mom stop. Chances are, she still expects you to fund her life. Make sure that does NOT happen.
Insist that she treats you with respect at all times. She can be angry, but she must express it in respectful tones and without cursing. Rather the way you would express it to your own mother or grandmother. This is part of establishing adult boundaries and healthy relationships. You might want to check out a book called Boundaries by Townsend and Cloud. I know that some members here will hang up at the first curse word or if a child is disrespectful to them over the phone. I believe it is SomewhereOutThere who won't allow one of her children (an adult) to call her for a day or two if she has to hang up on him. He gets so trapped in negativity that he takes it out on her if she does not do this. It literally becomes toxic. Once she started doing this, her relationship with this son became far more positive. Before he would just go on and on about all that was wrong and how she should fix it but all she suggested wouldn't work and how could she be so stupid? As you can imagine, she hated seeing his number pop up on her phone! Then she told him the rules and enforced them when he cursed at her about how those rules were stupid. She was afraid he wouldn't call again, ever. He kept calling, partly to test her on the rules. He also called because she is his mom, and she is a wonderful mom. Today he seems to stay within the boundaries pretty well.
You have every right to demand better treatment from your daughter. When she gets back from her honeymoon, take her out from coffee. She may not blow up in public. Or have her come to your home if you would rather speak in private. Let her know you love her, but that it hurts you when she cannot even bother to do something for your birthday or mother's day. You do very nice things for her birthday, but maybe now that she is an adult, that should stop. Adults who love each other, remember each other and do nice things for each other. Relationships should be two way streets, not one way take-fests. You would like to think you taught her to think of others, and you are sorry if you did not. Stay calm. NO ONE likes to be told they hurt someone. She won't like this discussion. It probably would be best to not have this be the first time you see her post honeymoon. You would be accused of waiting until she just got back from her honeymoon to blind-side her. So wait a week or so after she gets back and you have seen her. IF she remembers to see you post honeymoon, of course.
Just my suggestion, of course. Oh, stay calm, don't get angry at the above discussion. Be more hurt and confused no matter what she does or says or accuses. Don't fly off the handle. It will just push her away from you.
I am sorry that you have to deal with htis.