Hello SomewhereOutThere! I am just seeing your response because I physically came back here. I still don't know what I'm doing. Please pardon my ignorance, I still don't know how to post my own thread either...ugh. Thank you for your response. My daughter is bi-polar and has depression but is not on any medications. Well, she did take prescription medication for a little over a week when she was only 14 but she claimed they did not make her feel well. That was the end of her ever taking prescription drugs again. She refuses to and is always considered "borderline" (my words) to people like DCF (Department of Children and Families), the court system, and multiple mental health facilities so they will not make her get on medications. When I say borderline, I mean, she is not harming herself physically (not visibly-she is definitely self-medicating which IS harming herself) and/or she has not literally tried to kill herself (she IS killing herself by self-medicating and not eating). Their explaination/s to me. THIS angers me because why wait till she or our family is at a point of no return? Why not save those who can still be saved too? When she was a minor, it was against the law for me to make her go to therapy or take her medications. Now that she is an adult, everything concerning is none of my business anymore. I know my daughter is hurting. She is in so much pain emotionally and mentally. But at the same time, she has put our household in so much turmoil for over a decade. It was/is so unfair to all of us.
Her dad and I divorced in 2007. Mental illness and addiction does run on his side. No, he has had nothing to do with her since we divorced. I know they communicate now but just via telephone or when there are tragedies (like deaths or funerals) from his side of the family. I never prevented my kids from seeing their dad. HE wanted nothing to do with them after the divorce but of course, I would never tell them that, but they "know". They started seeing the truth on their own as they got older. I never had to tell them how ugly he was. So, no he did not help and I do not see him ever wanting to either.
I was at one point in my life seeing a therapist but it was not a good match. I just felt like I was being interviewed so I decided to stop. My girls were younger and my youngest was extremely difficult so it was not worth the trouble, and the co-payments rack up. My youngest's co-payments (which included the No Show penalty fees which are normally double or triple than the actual co-payment) was already killing me. I would rather have the money for her. I once also joined a support group and I really disliked it. It became about the parents' own past traumatic experiences/issues/demons versus our current experiences dealing with our children with behavioral issues. So in essence, I felt alone again with these parents who I thought were in the same boat as me. Hoping I could learn from them or feel I was not alone. Yes, I work. Sometimes 2 jobs but I have always had 1 full-time job. I literally have 5 friends who are always very supportive and I love them dearly. None of them have children with behavioral issues. I just got married again April of this year. My husband is wonderful and also very supportive. He is the type of man who says, "We will get through this. Do not give up on her. I know you are sad, is there anything I can do for you?" He is even more patient with my youngest than me and my oldest. Any other man, I know my youngest would have already scared away. He has 1 adult daughter from a previous marriage with no behavioral issues either. His daughter's daughter (our granddaughter) is OUR baby! I do not have hobbies. I work and go home, but will always make quality time with my husband, older daughter, grandchild, and friend/s at least once a month.
I do not drink nor engage in any recreational drugs. Why I felt compelled to share this? Because ironically, the times I have, gave me anxiety and it amplified the worry I have for my youngest. Unlike others, they do such things to forget. Not in my case, such things make it worse for me mentally and emotionally. So, everything I feel and experience is always very clear and it is killing me there is nothing I can do for my youngest.
Thank you for reading again and for reaching out <3
P.S. Copy and pasted from the other thread.
So there’s money down the drain. Again. I was hoping to get him under a roof and set up with a home base where he could get a job and take steps forward before the cold weather hit. Now it looks like he’ll be on the street again in mid October. I can’t have him here, and I can’t come up with another lump sum to get him set up somewhere else. 
