HELP! Hes SR

[SRL]

Can you make alternative living arrangements for the 4 year old so he is not victimized by this boy? We've had families that have had to live separately for this reason (ie parents living in different apartments, the victimized child living with grandparents, etc).

The 7 year old isn't biologically related to you or to your husband, what is the arrangement? Do you have legal custody of him or have you legally adopted him? If he has Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) and is sexually reactive it's highly unlikely that he'll be able to live in a regular home environment in a manner that's safe for younger children. Residential placements or therapeutic foster care settings are what parents often turn to.

 

[witzend]

To expound upon what SRL said, I would be concerned that at some point the CPS will come back at you for not protecting your youngest from him. That could become very ugly. In fact, I would approach them for help along those lines. It could really come back and bite you in the butt.

I'm wondering if since he is not biologically related to you, you are eligible for special services for him? It's very charitable of you to take him in under the circumstances. I hope that the state is helping you out with respite and social services for him.

 

[timer lady]

Hi & welcome!

I'd really like to see you sit down & work this out by priorities. You have the diagnosis for your child & you feel it's a valid diagnosis. You know that your difficult child is a danger to your other children.

The problem is convincing the professionals that you need help for your difficult child.

As I see it (as I lived it with my tweedles), you must have one professional that will advocate for you & your family. You need to find one person who knows the situation & really feels this is a danger. I expect (as was the case with my wm) that your difficult children young age is playing against your case. Continue to push your case & search out that advocate.

Next would be the need for a one on one aide (a mature & understanding babysitter will do in a pinch) or a PCA (personal care attendant) to watch your difficult child & redirect negative behaviors. My husband & I were very close to hiring & paying for this ourselves; we still would if necessary but our CADI waiver of services came through. I digress; the PCA will be there strictly for your difficult child. You & the rest of the family can go about their business with or without difficult child while the PCA is there to constantly monitor & redirect.

While that is going on push for services from whatever entity you need to approach. The message each & every time you communicate with them is the safety of your family. You cannot keep your children safe 24/7 without some type of help or intervention. Push the safety message. We went through county mental health after a referral from CPS. County mental health fast tracked the waiver of services.

I really believe that your difficult children age is playing against your request for help & in patient intervention. We went through the same thing with wm when he was that age - no one wanted to believe this of a child of this age. Reality scares even the pros.

In the meantime, each & every time your difficult child chooses to act out sexually you need to step in, separate him from others & firmly redirect him. Whether to his room to play gameboy or watch television. I'm not sure how aware he is that this isn't the "norm". I'd let a professional work that out with him. However, he needs to be redirected & shown/modeled appropriate behaviors between siblings.

Your other children need to know how to speak up for themselves; what is good touch & what isn't. If your difficult child is being sexually aggressive they need to know it's okay to scream for help. Their body is their own private space & no one can enter that space with-o permission. The same goes for difficult child.

This is a great deal to digest - it's a hugely difficult problem & one that isn't going to go away tomorrow.

Take care & I will keep you & yours in my thoughts.

 

[busywend]

night4now - welcome!

You are probably feeling overwhelmed at this point in time. I can tell by your plea to 'just tell me where to start'.

In my opinion, a fresh start is warranted here. You are not getting what you need from either of the professionals you are working with at this time.
I think it is horrible that any professional could suggest your situation is not severe enough. Obviously, that professional has never known anyone that has been sexually molested. It is a scar that does not heal. It is very severe.
No, it has not happened to me, but to many here on the site. It pains me to read the sorrow that comes with it. One thing I did learn is that no matter the level of abuse, it scars forever.

So, start with the children's hospital and explain your situation a bit, but ask for a sit down face to face with the expert in the areas of sexual abuse and of attachment. I am sure they have an affiliation with the hospital. I say attachment due to the fact that the 7yo is not biologically either of yours and has been essentially abandoned by both of his biological parents. That hurts. He will need help for many of his years.

Have you read 'The Primal Wound'? It is about the separation of a child from his/her mother.

 

[susiestar]

You may already have this info, but here are some sites that explain/deal with SR children.

http://www.angelfire.com/mi/collateral/reactive.html

This site has state by state listing of therapists

http://www.angelfire.com/mi/collateral/page9.html

Protocols and standards proposed for the case management of juvenile sex offenders in Utah focus on investigations, family services, the juvenile court, assessment, treatment and placement, sexually reactive children between 4 and 11 years of age, and education.

http://www.ncjrs.gov/App/publications/Abstract.aspx?id=151994


**********************************************

I know it is hard to research things when you work and have children who require this level of supervision. I found these by googling "sexually reactive" and then "sexually reactive UTAH"

I hope this helps you find some new avenues to get help.

You really are going to have to be assertive and a warrior mom to get the level of help you need.

timerlady (Linda) will be an AWESOME resource as she and her husband have truly been there done that with this issue.

Sending lots of strength and hugs,

Susie

 

[night4now]

You may already have this info, but here are some sites that explain/deal with SR children.

http://www.angelfire.com/mi/collateral/reactive.html

This site has state by state listing of therapists

http://www.angelfire.com/mi/collateral/page9.html

Protocols and standards proposed for the case management of juvenile sex offenders in Utah focus on investigations, family services, the juvenile court, assessment, treatment and placement, sexually reactive children between 4 and 11 years of age, and education.

http://www.ncjrs.gov/App/publications/Abstract.aspx?id=151994


**********************************************

I know it is hard to research things when you work and have children who require this level of supervision. I found these by googling "sexually reactive" and then "sexually reactive UTAH"

I hope this helps you find some new avenues to get help.

You really are going to have to be assertive and a warrior mom to get the level of help you need.

timerlady (Linda) will be an AWESOME resource as she and her husband have truly been there done that with this issue.

Sending lots of strength and hugs,

Susie

I did find all of these Suzie, and thanks for the help! (none have answered so far, and another i found contact for takes no insurance and no medicaid, all cash up front!)

 

[witzend]

Again, since this boy is not related to either of you, is the state offering any assistance?

 

[night4now]

The state has given us medicaid, which will pa y only for wasatch mental, and the dumb therapists there. Our crappy insurances pay for more than medicaid does. Other than that we qualify for nothing.

 

[SRL]

Have you taken this issue to your children's pediatrician since it's impacting the younger boy? He/she may be able to apply pressure to get you some help.

 

[night4now]

Have you taken this issue to your children's pediatrician since it's impacting the younger boy? He/she may be able to apply pressure to get you some help.

Again: The ONLY hospital in the state that accepts children that young told us he is not severe enough for inpatient treatment.

Outpatient would require that one of us quit our jobs, and with hospital bills, attorney fees, etc, we cant afford that either.

 

[Sara PA]

How long has he been taking the Celexa? What's the dose? Is the sexual behavior more or less since starting it?

Antidepressants can cause disinhibition and might make him feel that there's really nothing wrong with his behavior or make it impossible for him to resist acting on his thoughts.

 

[witzend]

Quote:
Originally Posted by SRL
Have you taken this issue to your children's pediatrician since it's impacting the younger boy? He/she may be able to apply pressure to get you some help.

Again: The ONLY hospital in the state that accepts children that young told us he is not severe enough for inpatient treatment.

I think that the suggestion was that if your pediatrician was involved they might be able to convince the hospital that it is severe enough.

 

[SRL]

Yes, that was my thought. My pediatrician is a strong advocate. pediatrician also may be able to push for other options such as therapeutic foster care or respite. I can't imagine my pediatrician sitting back if he knew a younger sib was at risk.