Michele223
Member
My husband told me on the phone to give him his game or phone back so he settled down. Then he said he had to get back to work. So upsetting he never deals with him. I can't seem to get the video to ever work.
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- Thread starter Michele223
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I agree, call the police when he gets out of control like that. My son would rage and break anything in his path when upset. It was terrifying. One time he had me backed into a corner demanding his cell phone back which I used to call my husband at work. His advice was to give it back for my safety. So time and time again, he would get upset over consequences given for inappropriate behavior and nothing changed. The behavior escalated and finally I started to call 911. I had to do it twice. It was not pleasant and I hope I never have to do it again. Neighbors asking questions, drama for my daughters, etc. However, it opened up services for him. First time he got diversion through the courts and 2nd time he was hospitalized. Unfortunately with his personality, he had to see that I was serious and that his behavior would not be tolerated. Best of all, he got the help he needed.
While things are calm, start working on a safety plan. You are right - it's really hard to think fast enough when the situation is actually unfolding.
Michele223
Member
Wrap around is coming out today they better be helping me!
Michele223
Member
Yes I am scared to call the police on him but it may have to be done. The rest of these services seem like a joke! They want to smile and act like it is a great day!
Sometimes, it takes police call-out to wake up these services to the real need. (They tend to discount what you say, and look at what you do: "If it was really that bad, you would have called the police.")
It may also be what is needed to wake up your husband. This isn't a "cute" little 4 year old any more. And giving him what he wants only makes the problem grow.
It may also be what is needed to wake up your husband. This isn't a "cute" little 4 year old any more. And giving him what he wants only makes the problem grow.
Michele223
Member
Wrap around came out. Interesting they suggested we distract him and use positive talk to redirect him. Try ignoring him. How stupid do they think we are? He is 14. We have tried everything under the sun! Ugh they said remove his internet. Look for sexual magazines or books. He is with me all the time when would he get these things? Only good thing they suggested is call 911 if he gets violent at us.
BusynMember
Well-Known Member
My opinion, take it as just one persons opinion too, is that he may have touched your girls and, as close as they may be to you, they may not have told you. We had a foster child who we adopted before finding out he had perped for three years. We made him leave the day we found out and only our very strong family bond kept us together and okay. Lots of free, good therapy offered too and the perp was tried and found guilty of first degree assault of a minor. Hewas only thirteen, but perping on a child six years younger is a crime. He had to sign up as a sexual perpetrator and was locked in a jail type facility for teens. Prosecuting him was not our idea...we just wanted him gone. The DA charged him on their own.
Most of all, your girls need him out. Residential care is a good option. Don't ever leave him alone with anyone younger than him and have the girls lock their doors at night. Night is a dangerous time.
After what we went through, I'd recommend being overly cautious. Bad things can and may have already happened. My younger kids were too afraid of him to tell us all until he was long gone out of fear he'd carry out threats to kill them or to burn the house down and kill us all. Your son could also get into legal trouble if anything comes to light.
Just food for thought. We dissolved our adoption. We had to think first of our other kids who were his terrified victims.
Most of all, your girls need him out. Residential care is a good option. Don't ever leave him alone with anyone younger than him and have the girls lock their doors at night. Night is a dangerous time.
After what we went through, I'd recommend being overly cautious. Bad things can and may have already happened. My younger kids were too afraid of him to tell us all until he was long gone out of fear he'd carry out threats to kill them or to burn the house down and kill us all. Your son could also get into legal trouble if anything comes to light.
Just food for thought. We dissolved our adoption. We had to think first of our other kids who were his terrified victims.
pigless in VA
Well-Known Member
Distract him? Really? I think you got some clueless folks there. http://www.conductdisorders.com/com...ilities-how-to-get-started.50362/#post-552229
I will see if I can find some more threads on this subject.
pigless in VA
Well-Known Member
Here's another thread. http://www.conductdisorders.com/com...rvices-and-wraparound-services.399/#post-3176
Michele, I think the fact that services are expensive and scarce keeps the frontline people from helping as many families as they should. Don't be afraid to keep pestering them, and keep demanding their help. That's another way that calling the police when you son is out of control will help. They have to document the calls.
Michele, I think the fact that services are expensive and scarce keeps the frontline people from helping as many families as they should. Don't be afraid to keep pestering them, and keep demanding their help. That's another way that calling the police when you son is out of control will help. They have to document the calls.
BusynMember
Well-Known Member
There are some residentials that take medicaid. Thats where they took our child. We had no money.
Michele223
Member
Ok. I think because we never did call the police we haven't gotten the right help. I don't know how these people that come out for wrap and saffy are so ridiculous. They say the same things. Ignore him. I wonder if their little kids were being called every cuss word if they would ignore it?
GoingNorth
Crazy Cat Lady
They are correct about the cussing at this point. So long as he isn't threatening you or his sibs, it's a non-issue compared to the other issues you have to deal with.
Basically, walk away when he starts cursing. Hang up the phone if he starts cursing. Remove the children from his presence if he starts cursing. Take away his audience.
Basically, walk away when he starts cursing. Hang up the phone if he starts cursing. Remove the children from his presence if he starts cursing. Take away his audience.
Pick your battles carefully right now.
Language isn't the biggest issue. You might have to try the "ignore" route on that one, or just live with.
Because safety is a much bigger issue. For all of you.
Michele223
Member
Ok. He woke up and is swearing down the hall like a sailor and saying sexual things. I am ignoring it! Ugh I don't swear. My husband doesn't swear. This is bizarre.
pigless in VA
Well-Known Member
Keep ignoring. Do not engage. Pretend he is speaking Klingon. I'm sure he likes the negative attention he gets from using foul language. The point is that you cannot control the filth that comes out of his mouth. Have you tried recording him to document this behavior? Middle schoolers seem to think it's funny to be crass. I work at a middle school, and I overhear a lot of nasty language.
Later you can tell the younger children that it is inappropriate to use those words, especially at school.
Later you can tell the younger children that it is inappropriate to use those words, especially at school.
Michele223
Member
I have a hard time videoing on my phone. It keeps turning off. Any suggestions?
GoingNorth
Crazy Cat Lady
Some phones will only record a short bit of video. Do you have a digital camera? Most of those nowadays record video
If not, even a tape recorder, one of the small ones that uses the mini-cassettes, can gotten cheaply at an office supply house, would work to record the swearing, vulgarity, sexual talk, threats, etc. Just stash it on your body and keep it recording.
Get extra batteries and tapes. Use labels to date and time note the tapes.
If not, even a tape recorder, one of the small ones that uses the mini-cassettes, can gotten cheaply at an office supply house, would work to record the swearing, vulgarity, sexual talk, threats, etc. Just stash it on your body and keep it recording.
Get extra batteries and tapes. Use labels to date and time note the tapes.
