Hope July is a better month.

[Littleboylost]

Depression is a terrible trickster, in that many feel a burden of relief and enlightenment when the decision has been made.

It is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Kate Spade and Anthony B. Both very telling about money , fame and fortune not being able to slay the black dog of depression.

Know in your heat that I am certain she enjoyed you as much as you enjoyed her.

 

[newstart]

Depression is a terrible trickster, in that many feel a burden of relief and enlightenment when the decision has been made.

It is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Kate Spade and Anthony B. Both very telling about money , fame and fortune not being able to slay the black dog of depression.

Know in your heat that I am certain she enjoyed you as much as you enjoyed her.

 

[newstart]

Lit

Depression is a terrible trickster, in that many feel a burden of relief and enlightenment when the decision has been made.

It is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Kate Spade and Anthony B. Both very telling about money , fame and fortune not being able to slay the black dog of depression.

Know in your heat that I am certain she enjoyed you as much as you enjoyed her.

Littleboylost, Thank you for your kind words. My friend did tell me how much she enjoyed and loved me.. I know I will need therapy to get through this. I have been thinking of you and wondering how your son is doing in rehab. I will go through and try to find your latest updates. I sure hope things are going well for you.

 

[Tired out]

Warm hugs sent your way. I have a bestie we each have a problem child and we support each other. I can't imagine if my friend wasn't there to pick up the phone or answer a text.
I do understand the exercise and depression. Exercise is my way of coping with my son. I go outside and walk and run until I can't think of anything except how to get air into my lungs. I say "Alexa play , Thomas Rhett, Vacation, then Anthem" and dance till I can't breath. deep breaths. I have a new kitten. I call her my bright spot. I think the new life of my little gal helps.

 

[newstart]

Warm hugs sent your way. I have a bestie we each have a problem child and we support each other. I can't imagine if my friend wasn't there to pick up the phone or answer a text.
I do understand the exercise and depression. Exercise is my way of coping with my son. I go outside and walk and run until I can't think of anything except how to get air into my lungs. I say "Alexa play , Thomas Rhett, Vacation, then Anthem" and dance till I can't breath. deep breaths. I have a new kitten. I call her my bright spot. I think the new life of my little gal helps.

Thank you Tired out. I know your new little kitten does help. I love my cats and they are so much comfort to me. They are little rascals and such divine creatures. I too exercise hard to get air in the depth of my lungs so I can sleep through all the agony I am going through. You are lucky to have your friend to bounce ideas and support off of each other. I felt so lucky that I had met someone that I trusted deeply and could relate to. My friend had been through it all, I felt closer to her than my own sister. I love my sister but we are not connected like my friend and me. Today I felt very anxious, I rode my bike and visited my other friends, they were kind and compassionate and the ones I talked to today never lost anyone close to them through suicide. My nerves are shot, my emotions are all over the place and I feel lost without my dear friend, the wake of her suicide has hit so many people deeply, on Wed it will be 2 weeks and I am still in such a state of shock that I am numb. I am seeking out therapy and writing out how horrific suicide is for all that have to deal with this in their life.

 

[recoveringenabler]

Sending prayers, hugs and love for your hurting heart newstart.........nurture & nourish yourself with truckloads of self compassion and self care..........time helps.......hang in there.....you're not alone.

 

[newstart]

Sending prayers, hugs and love for your hurting heart newstart.........nurture & nourish yourself with truckloads of self compassion and self care..........time helps.......hang in there.....you're not alone.

Thank you Recoveringenabler. I was so anxious yesterday, I had all kinds of weird thoughts go through my head. I talked with friends and that seems to be helping the most. The aftermath of suicide is so horrible for all involved with the person. Last night my nerves were shaking, my husband and I wrote out a list of all the things that are hurting me and we plan to burn that list and get rid of the grief. I am so numb after my friend killed herself. She had so much going for her, she was loved so deeply by many people. She was like a bright glowing radiant star and I loved having her as my friend. I made sure she always knew how much I appreciated her. I am going through all the things in my head that could of helped her but her mother told me that no matter what I had said or did she was not going to stay. I am devastated.

 

[recoveringenabler]

newstart, I understand. I know how you feel.

I am so very sorry your friend made this choice.

I was devastated too when my son-in-law killed himself ......there are so many unanswered questions, regret, wondering if we could have saved him......sigh.....it was a process to work thru my own feelings and then try to be present for my daughter and the children, it was a nightmare on so many levels.

Support is what helped.

Talking to your friends, making that list and burning it, addressing your emotions, your grief, your devastation......you're doing all the right things........ and I know it still feels horrible.

It's going to take time.

Here's a bit of advice from someone whose been there.......try really hard to let go of trying to figure out why she did it......it is a circular mess which has no end....it took me a long time, but I realized that I was never going to know the reason and what I had to do was learn to accept it. Very much like what most of us learn here on this site, how to accept what we have no control over, what we are powerless to do anything about.

There isn't anything you could have done to save her......nothing.....you don't have that kind of power......nor do I.....all we can do is ......

Learn acceptance.

Acceptance is what ultimately brings you peace......you already know that.....it's just walking thru this part that is so very, very hard.

I have enormous empathy for you newstart, with all you've been dealing with with your daughter, your mother's passing.....you're really facing so much right now.........all very challenging stuff too. You must be one strong woman to be able to stand in the middle of so much grief and sorrow and remain intact.......

.....on the other side of that grief and sorrow is peace......you're headed directly there.....be very, very kind to yourself.

Many hugs and love to you my friend.....you'll get thru this......we're here for you.....

 

[newstart]

newstart, I understand. I know how you feel.

I am so very sorry your friend made this choice.

I was devastated too when my son-in-law killed himself ......there are so many unanswered questions, regret, wondering if we could have saved him......sigh.....it was a process to work thru my own feelings and then try to be present for my daughter and the children, it was a nightmare on so many levels.

Support is what helped.

Talking to your friends, making that list and burning it, addressing your emotions, your grief, your devastation......you're doing all the right things........ and I know it still feels horrible.

It's going to take time.

Here's a bit of advice from someone whose been there.......try really hard to let go of trying to figure out why she did it......it is a circular mess which has no end....it took me a long time, but I realized that I was never going to know the reason and what I had to do was learn to accept it. Very much like what most of us learn here on this site, how to accept what we have no control over, what we are powerless to do anything about.

There isn't anything you could have done to save her......nothing.....you don't have that kind of power......nor do I.....all we can do is ......

Learn acceptance.

Acceptance is what ultimately brings you peace......you already know that.....it's just walking thru this part that is so very, very hard.

I have enormous empathy for you newstart, with all you've been dealing with with your daughter, your mother's passing.....you're really facing so much right now.........all very challenging stuff too. You must be one strong woman to be able to stand in the middle of so much grief and sorrow and remain intact.......

.....on the other side of that grief and sorrow is peace......you're headed directly there.....be very, very kind to yourself.

Many hugs and love to you my friend.....you'll get thru this......we're here for you.....

Your wonderful guidance is top notch. I do understand what is done is done and there is no undoing it but OMG this leaves such a ripple of complete destruction for all in it's wake.. I need to work through my grief for my mother, but for now this suicide with my friend is like a black hole in the universe. I am going through the 'if only' stages right now. I really have no regretes, I gave her my best in our friendship and I treasured the gift of our friendship like it was gold. I appreciate and feel your empathy. I have been trying to be kind to myself and learn a bit more about suicide. I am so sorry for you going through the suicide with your son in law, daughter and children and everyone that it has caused pain to. Years ago the man across the street from me died by suicide, he took his dog with him. Everyone in the neighborhood was creeped out just walking by his house. I watched as the detectives and police officers checked everything. His death was not a surprise, he looked and acted very depressed, he had been laid off from work. We had him over for a neighborhood party and he was so troubled and distraught. I was not surprised when he ended his life. My friends suicide is so different, she was active, laughing and smiling, she was making future plans, it has hit me so hard because there was no indication. It just goes to show that we never know how hurting someone really is and it is so imporant to be kind to each other. Much love and appreciation to you recoveringenabler.

 

[Triedntrue]

Don’t think of her as gone away,
Her journey’s just begun.
Life holds so many facets,
This earth is only one.
Just think of her as resting
from the sorrows and the tears,
In a place of warmth and comfort
Where there are no days and years.
Think how she must be wishing
That we could know today,
How nothing but our sadness
Can really pass away.
And think of her as living
In the hearts of those she touched,
For nothing loved is ever lost
And she was loved so much.

(thank you Kirsten for contacting

 

[newstart]

Don’t think of her as gone away,
Her journey’s just begun.
Life holds so many facets,
This earth is only one.
Just think of her as resting
from the sorrows and the tears,
In a place of warmth and comfort
Where there are no days and years.
Think how she must be wishing
That we could know today,
How nothing but our sadness
Can really pass away.
And think of her as living
In the hearts of those she touched,
For nothing loved is ever lost
And she was loved so much.

(thank you Kirsten for contacting

Dear Tired mama, I needed to hear this up lifting words so much today. Thank you for the wonderful poem. I hope things are going well for you. Big Hug.

 

[Tired out]

I hate to say that I think I can understand your friend.
Today was like that.
If I didn't have my other 2 kids. even though they are grown I couldn't do that to them. But ..I would like to get in my car and just drive...south..until I get to the ocean..then just sit..and watch the waves. Oh how I wish I could do that. Somedays I feel they just live to rip me up inside.

 

[newstart]

I hate to say that I think I can understand your friend.
Today was like that.
If I didn't have my other 2 kids. even though they are grown I couldn't do that to them. But ..I would like to get in my car and just drive...south..until I get to the ocean..then just sit..and watch the waves. Oh how I wish I could do that. Somedays I feel they just live to rip me up inside.

Tired out, I am so sorry for your pain. I pray that things even out for you. Watching waves is very theraputic, I hope you get to do that soon.