trinityroyal
Well-Known Member
Kjs,
I think that DaisyFace hit the nail on the head.
The issue you're facing with difficult child is so closely related to the one you've been describing with your H lately.
You have so much of yourself invested in taking care of them, catching them when they fall, making sure their lives run smoothly. And hoping to get back a tiny smidgin in return of what you're putting in. So when they walk away to do their own thing, not only does it feel like rejection, it also feels like a slap in the face because you're only expecting from them what you're giving to them.
Problem is, from their perspective, you've got it handled so they don't need to participate at all. They can walk away footloose and fancy free, because you're always there to pick up the pieces.
Well, it's time to let the pieces sit on the floor where they lie. If difficult child isn't doing his homework, let him face the full brunt of the consequences for that. If easy child isn't happy with his job, it's up to him to find a new one.
Your job right now is to take care of yourself. Look at your needs and your wants, and start fulfilling them. Put aside everyone else's concerns, and focus on yours.
I know...it will feel very weird and selfish at first. But after a while, you will start to feel better. And better, and better.
You commented that all of us are so much stronger than you are. That's just so much codswallop. You are a very strong lady indeed to have survived all the sadness that's been heaped on you, and to keep on putting one foot in front of the other, day after day after day.
Now it's time to take some of that strength and use it for yourself. There's nothing wrong with cherishing yourself. In fact, there are so many things right with it.
Please start looking after you. It hurts my heart to see you in so much pain. You can make it better, but only if you start taking care of you. Put yourself at the top of your priority list.
Sending many hugs your way.
Trinity
I think that DaisyFace hit the nail on the head.
The issue you're facing with difficult child is so closely related to the one you've been describing with your H lately.
You have so much of yourself invested in taking care of them, catching them when they fall, making sure their lives run smoothly. And hoping to get back a tiny smidgin in return of what you're putting in. So when they walk away to do their own thing, not only does it feel like rejection, it also feels like a slap in the face because you're only expecting from them what you're giving to them.
Problem is, from their perspective, you've got it handled so they don't need to participate at all. They can walk away footloose and fancy free, because you're always there to pick up the pieces.
Well, it's time to let the pieces sit on the floor where they lie. If difficult child isn't doing his homework, let him face the full brunt of the consequences for that. If easy child isn't happy with his job, it's up to him to find a new one.
Your job right now is to take care of yourself. Look at your needs and your wants, and start fulfilling them. Put aside everyone else's concerns, and focus on yours.
I know...it will feel very weird and selfish at first. But after a while, you will start to feel better. And better, and better.
You commented that all of us are so much stronger than you are. That's just so much codswallop. You are a very strong lady indeed to have survived all the sadness that's been heaped on you, and to keep on putting one foot in front of the other, day after day after day.
Now it's time to take some of that strength and use it for yourself. There's nothing wrong with cherishing yourself. In fact, there are so many things right with it.
Please start looking after you. It hurts my heart to see you in so much pain. You can make it better, but only if you start taking care of you. Put yourself at the top of your priority list.
Sending many hugs your way.
Trinity
