How do I say this...difficult child pooped on the driveway!!!

[kris]

<span style='font-size: 14pt'> <span style='font-family: Georgia'> <span style="color: #3333FF"> only thing i used cloth diapers for was as a spitty rag. however, between the time jarrod potty trained & it was sarah's turn pullups made their appearence. i had friends who were horrified i refused to use pullups on her. "HOW ON EARTH ARE YOU GOING TO POTTY TRAIN HER??" they asked in horror. the old fashioned way i responded.

to me pullups is just a clever way to keep us buying their product. same with-*toddler foods* . what, you can't cut up some of the food you make for the family for your little darling? oh, give me a break!

i'm so sorry your son did this. i'd have been pretty horrified too.

kris </span> </span> </span>

 

[Hanging-On]

Margurite,

I really wish I could be like you and others who are very nurturing and understanding. All of these things just make me VERY angry, and I know why too. I'm "tired". I'm tired of working fulltime and then not having the time (let alone) ANY energy left to be patient and nurturing. I'm tired of everything having to do with him, and all his needs. I'm tired of not having any enjoyment in life that's not stressed out because their screaming and fighting all the time. I tired of not being able to turn my head to do some chore without something happening. It's like having a toddler around all the time, but difficult child is old enough to now fight me on EVERY thing when I say "come with me, I have to do this or that", so I can watch him. I now just try to do everything at lightening speed so I can get done and back to watching them. There's just too much to do, and it's only me. I try to teach them their chores and duties, so WE can do all of this as a family, but kids are kids and always fight those things, and well a difficult child...fights more. What's the answer, short of quitting and losing everything, I don't know. I do pray everyday for g-d to change ME and I do try, but things like this are beyond my patience and nurturing to make it into a learning lesson.....but, I wish I could do that. I really really do. I know I'm making a lot of mistakes, and I'm not good at the patience thing. You sound like a great mom, I wish my boys had one like you!

 

[hearts and roses]

Cloth diapers are actually in, moreso than ever, with the 'crunchy' people...the hippy dippy granola folks...lol.

I used cloth diapers and a service until difficult child was toilet trained at 22 months!

I am with Marg - definitely remove the aspect of shame and simply make him clean up this mess just like you would any other. I would be hard pressed not to slap him upside the head and ground him for a month...in the bathroom. Hugs~

 

[Marguerite]

Hanging-On, I used to be a full-time working mother, with three kids under the age of five. I can relate to what you say. I had everything down to a very fine schedule, I couldn't allow too much deviation from it. If ever anything blew stuff out of the water, I had to be able to adapt, FAST. Plus, I worked with "blokes" rather than understanding males, with a work colleague who took every opportunity to white-ant me in the workplace.

I wasn't always this kind, or understanding, or supportive. For years I was paranoid, anxious, depressed and grateful for a job which meant that I could function as an adult at work knowing my kids were temporarily someone else's problem, and then take the time (a little time, anyway) on the way home to enjoy my kids.

I've been full-time at home since becoming disabled when easy child 2/difficult child 2 was two years old. If I hadn't become disabled I would still be struggling to stay in the workforce, probably not understanding difficult child 3 or even helping him as much as I've been able to.

So don't measure yourself against me - I have the luxury of time that you haven't got. Getting phone calls at work to deal with a problem with the child - it was ghastly. But I had to do it, a number of times. And then make up the time at work that I missed. I tried to de-louse my son (difficult child 1) in the work staffroom, outside the lunch hour, and totally grossed out a workmate who complained. You need sunlight to effectively de-louse, and it was always dark when we got home.

Hang in there like your signature. Maybe use the weekends to hang back more and not do everything for everybody. During the week it's your routine that keeps you (moderately) sane.

Marg

 

[Fran]

<span style='font-size: 11pt'>If it's any consolation, I always said they have no shame. Most kids have embarassment but my son doesn't. He doesn't feel embarassed at body odors,dirty clothing,or obnoxious sounds.
I don't think they do it on purpose. I think they think differently. They are almost a shade less civilized. Obviously, it's our job to retrain, rechannel and teach them appropriate behavior. It's still an ongoing process for us. Fortunately we are past the bowel stage. </span>

 

[Hound dog]

Hanging on

I have also been a stay at home mom for the past 20 some years. I'd planned to go back to work once my kids entered school. T crumbled those plans as no one would sit for him.

Even being at home with plenty of time on my hands raising T when he was young was hard and some days I literally had to talk myself through. I didn't have the board. I didn't have any dxes. And I had family/friends telling me that I just wasn't trying hard enough.

Not trying hard enough?? I couldn't let T out of my sight for more than a minute til he hit JR High! Add N into the mixture.... We had rages between the two that could last all day. :faint:

I realized early on that if I didn't get downright creative with T his entire childhood was going to consist of me yelling at him and him being punished. So even when I wanted to strangle him (like when he used to spend his days dumping all the shampoos and such down the toilet) I forced myself to learn to keep my voice calm but firm and to keep the punishments simple and direct.

But even having the luxury of time, I never felt like there was ever enough of it. An early bedtime for the kids was my savior. I admire the working parents on this board. I know it has to be 10 times harder.

 

[DDD]

I'm not going to share. I still get red-faced thinking about
PCs poop choice back in l962! DDD

 

[Fran]

Hangin'on, there is no bigger hero than the single working mom of a difficult child. You have my utmost respect and admiration.
I thought I would implode so many times but I could escape for a few hours on the weekend or trade off with husband. Frankly, I don't know how some of you do it. You rise to the needs as best you can. It does take a toll.
I doubt any of us don't feel some initial resentment and anger with the needs of difficult child. Nurturing that little soul isn't always my first thought. I have to do a lot of internal talking about why they do what they do and how should I handle it in a way that is healthy for my child and allows me to hold my head up at the end of the day.
You aren't alone with your feelings. Being that warrior mom means you get up the next day and do it all over again. It is a battle for our kids to decipher our world and it's a battle for us to teach our kids how to be socialized.


PS: I hated cloth diapers when my sister was a baby. They stink and the standing water was gross beyond belief. I would never in a million years use cloth for anything but a spit up rag and to wash windows. Glad someone likes them. The thought makes me shiver.

 

[DammitJanet]

Hanging on...

Some of us are simply older and/or the kids have grown up past these issues. I find that with the luxury of passing time I am able to look back on some of this stuff and put it more into perspective. It was so hard when I was going through it was 3 small kids and no help and little money. Now I can laugh at some of the more absurd things because we all did live through them.

Let me tell you, I came to this board in horror at some of the more "interesting" places my son pooped at much older ages than your son. And that wasnt the only thing he was doing...lol. Ohhhh the memories.

 

[TerryJ2]

Marg, interesting about the Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) and Sensory Integration Disorder (SID) take on it. Glad you could get your difficult child to clean it up. Mine was always moving so fast he'd be out of the bathroom by the time I'd figure out what the stuff was on the wall! I'll call him back in and he'd have a meltdown... maybe related to the shame issue.
Now that he's on medications, it's much more controllable and he does clean up the toilet seat.
Sigh.

Good luck Hanging On and everyone. Weird that we all go through this. Who'd-a-thunk-it?

 

[jodyice]

Sadly to say my difficult child (before being a day student) pooped on the floor in his dorm room, we've found poop under his bed at home and I've caught him smearing his feces in the shower, when I asked him why, he told me he didn't know and then asked if I was mad. And honestly, I don't think he did know why. Thankfully the last episode was over a month ago, I hope it lasts. He also cleaned the shower without me telling him to do so.
I, too, think they just don't think.

 

[rejectedmom]

Hangin'on, there is no bigger hero than the single working mom of a difficult child. You have my utmost respect and admiration.
I thought I would implode so many times but I could escape for a few hours on the weekend or trade off with husband. Frankly, I don't know how some of you do it. You rise to the needs as best you can. It does take a toll.
I doubt any of us don't feel some initial resentment and anger with the needs of difficult child. Nurturing that little soul isn't always my first thought. I have to do a lot of internal talking about why they do what they do and how should I handle it in a way that is healthy for my child and allows me to hold my head up at the end of the day.
You aren't alone with your feelings. Being that warrior mom means you get up the next day and do it all over again. It is a battle for our kids to decipher our world and it's a battle for us to teach our kids how to be socialized.

Fran and I think alike but she always says it so much better than I. i think your's is the hardest job on the planet. -RM

 

[TerryJ2]

Hanging On, I can feel how tired you are, emotionally and physically. You've gotten some beautiful responses here.
DO Hang on.

 

[Martie]

Well,

I don't have a comment on pooping in inappropriate places but MY kids are 22 and 19 and the only thing I used the dozen cloth diapers I bought was to keep my clothes clean!

I know all about the "crunchers" AKA tree huggers, view of the necessity of cloth diapers, but with millions (billions?) of disposables in use, I wasn't going to feel too guilty about adding my kids' disposables to the land fill.

I agree with kris that pull-ups delay toilet training--they were not yet invented so mine went from diapers to training pants in one (wet) week.

Martie

 

[Marguerite]

We had that delay effect with toilet training too, I think it's due to the Sensory Integration Disorder (SID). difficult child 3 simply couldn't 'feel' when he was wet, until we put him in cloth pants. There were no such things as Pull-ups with my older three, and no problem training them (apart from difficult child 1 totally refusing to do 'it' ANYWHERE, including in his nappy).

I probably qualify as a tree-hugger, I've been called it a number of times, but I happily used disposables. Even more happily after I read the study that as far as environmental concerns, they're much the same. So none of my 'greenie' mates ever tried to criticise. Well, never twice, anyway!

Marg

 

[OpenWindow]

My difficult child, who's 10, just did this in the backyard last week! Bad thing was, we had about 5 of his and easy child's friends over playing soccer. He walked off and started turning rocks over to find frogs, and next thing I know he's squatting by a bush with his pants down. He only sort of hid himself by the bush, but luckily I was the only one who saw his pants halfway down. He didn't seem to be embarrassed that I had caught him.

Luckily, he was worried that I would tell everybody.

I'm with you on your feelings of just being tired. That's where I'm at. The house is a disaster because I can't take 5 minutes to load the dishwasher or fold the clothes. With one difficult child and two "PCs" who are very stubborn and ADHD-ish, it takes an hour of reminding and yelling and threatening and grounding to get them to help even for a half hour. They would rather sit on the couch grounded from doing anything all day than pick up their books or help fold some clothese that will take about 10 minutes. I hardly even try to get difficult child to do anything because he will get so mad and then sabotage anyone's attempts at cleaning. All the while I have to try to remember that difficult child won't respond well to negative reinforcements and and I have to detach because he isn't doing this on purpose. When all I really want to do is just tell him to clean his room and then wa-la, he's in there at least pretending to clean his room and my house is fit for human habitation.


Linda