How do you deal with your difficult child's insults, etc?

[buddy]

I know I probably could have calmed this much earlier, but once committed if I don't follow thru he will say... I knew you would do it or whatever. So no matter if he can control it or not, I had to stick thru. But still, if I would have been more thoughtful at first??? I also decided to try 1/2 concerta and 1/2 ritalin to see if I could reduce these swearing sessions that seem more connected to the concerta. Dont think it did any good, lol. OK tomorrow I try the ritalin one more time to compare but in the end we probably have to stick with concerta at school or I am gonna have to run over there and get him every time he refuses medications for them. Why that happens there only??? I think it is part of the bigger picture over there.

Someone asked me about this and was worried about the medication issue.... I was not clear sorry. I always do things with doctor knowledge. I didn't SPLIT the concerta... it is a long acting medication. He got half the dose of that (I have them dispensed in two caps per dose so he got only one cap) and only one of the two ritalin tabs. The ritalin was timed appropriately so the overall dose was the same, no adjustment in dose... We are just investigating if something in the formulation of the Concerta is contributing to the blurts and tics...they seem more on Concerta than Ritalin and dr said that it can be how it is made so just checking that out.

 

[Shari]

Maybe the 5th or 10th time he did it... but really? this is worth getting cross for?
QUOTE]

Well, yes... the water makes a great deluge on the floor which I have to mop up (after he has done a token clearing up). Water should stay in the bath!
You are more saintly than I am

I dealt with this by throwing a load of laundry on the bathroom floor before Wee got in. Didn't tell him why, just did it. Laundry soaked up the water, and I got to ignore the behavior, and ignoring the behavior lead to the extinction of said behavior...he got no payoff for doing it from me.

For my Wee, ignoring works well. Reinforcing positive and ignoring the negative is huge for him.

 

[Malika]

Good tip, Shari. I don't know... maybe if I have another 15 years at this, I'll get it all sorted (just as J is leaving home)

 

[Shari]

Dont bank on it. LOL Just when you learn to play the game, they change the rules, right?? Isn't that the way it works?

I am fairly certain, with all the ignoring I have learned to do with Wee, that if you handed me a perfectly typical baby right now, I would thoroughly screw it up...

That said, though, Wee is making progress. Very good progress. He rarely rages anymore, and you'd be hard-pressed to pick him out of a crowd. For now, that's largely a product of the environment he's in, but the longer he goes without having a meltdown, the less ingrained that "meltdown reaction" becomes, and hopefully along the way, he's learning better ways to handle the things that used to cause the meltdowns.

 

[Malika]

He rarely rages anymore, and you'd be hard-pressed to pick him out of a crowd. For now, that's largely a product of the environment he's in

Can you say more about that, Shari? What environment? I do agree with you about the decreased meltdowns leading to a positive habit change, which in itself decreasing the meltdowns.

 

[InsaneCdn]

I dealt with this by throwing a load of laundry on the bathroom floor before Wee got in. Didn't tell him why, just did it. Laundry soaked up the water, and I got to ignore the behavior, and ignoring the behavior lead to the extinction of said behavior...he got no payoff for doing it from me.

I used old sheets... several, especially flannel ones. Never though of just dumping laundry there... but same effect - it took away the "fun" of seeing mommy explode...

And yes, Malika...
Give me another 10 or 15 years, and maybe I'll be on the right track too...

 

[Steely]

Funny Shari - I used to do the same thing. The laundry hamper was already there - so shoot - why not just dump it out - and then wash the stuff And Shari wee is not 7 anymore is he?

 

[Shari]

Haha, no, Wee is 9. I'll fix that! lol

In the beginning, we tried to identify triggers and minimize them. He couldn't handle the grocery store, so we moved heaven and earth not to take him. We just avoided situations that triggered meltdowns for a while It had gotten to the point that anything even remotely "scary" to him would result in a meltdown. It was like a knee jerk reaction. Almost a habit. This is what you do when you aren't in control of something. And if he did happen to meltdown, we absolutely ignored him. Walked away from him. Maybe even dropped what we were doing and left the house to ignore him. Of course, this didn't work for school because they wouldn't get on board, but we did it at home.

Once we got rid of the meltdown as a habit, we started bringing back those triggers, one at a time, as much as we could control.

Going to the store was a HUGE issue for him, so we started by talking about it and what the expectations were at the store. Then we made a big production of making a list. One item on the list for him, and one item for me. And we went to the store E.V.E.R.Y. S.I.N.G.L.E. D.A.Y. And regardless of what happened, we bought what was on our list. no more, no less. And he learned to handle it. Then we expanded the list. 2 items for me, 1 for him. Eventually we started changing the list. No items for me, 1 for him. Or 1 item for me, none for him. And no matter what, THE LIST was in control. And he learned it was ok, and he learned to handle it, and now I can take him grocery shopping or even to walmart.

But when we were in the thick of it, when he was so hyper-sensitive that every teeny little trigger resulted in a massive meltdown, there was no way to ever work on any thing. It was all just too overwhelming.

School has finally gotten on board and gave him 1 teacher and 1 aid, and guess what? Now, after a year, he feels safe and is expanding his horizons. He works with his mainstream teacher really well now. He has even handled some subs. The aid occasionally leaves the classroom, and frequently works with other kids in the room instead of sticking to him. She's there, but not on top of him. And again, this didn't happen in the overwhelming (but normal) world for him. 5 or 6 different people in one day was too much in the beginning, and every little nuance or slightly different expectation or way of doing things was just too much and set him off.

Does that make any sense at all?

 

[Shari]

Funny Shari - I used to do the same thing. The laundry hamper was already there - so shoot - why not just dump it out - and then wash the stuff And Shari wee is not 7 anymore is he?

I'd like to take credit for this genius, but I can't. It was an accident. I had sorted laundry in the bathroom one day and he took a bath and soaked the laundry on the floor. It was then that it occurred to me that this was a great way for me to not explode about him soaking the floor. Let him drench the laundry, and I get to ignore it! And now he even makes sure there is a mat or towel on the floor when he gets out, so he doesn't make the floor wet!