Marguerite
Active Member
Norma, welcome.
For future reference - the child's fear is real. he isn't trying to be difficult or naughty, he is panicked. He doesn't have the knowledge or experience we have, and especially in this situation he was totally out of control and totally unconsidered by the doctor or the nurse. They both sounded very unfeeling and the doctor's remark certainly wouldn't have helped.
Your older son crying would have set off the younger one, too. Be prepared for needle phobia there as well, later on (I hope it doesn't happen though).
I do not blame your older son one little bit. If the blood draw was at all successful, I think he earned the reward.
For future reference - he needs a doctor who will either explain things to him, or give him time to come to terms with what has to be done, or both. Springing it on him at the last minute, forcing him physically or bullying him into it - it will make the problems worse next time, not better.
Our kids need to feel more in control. Or at least, less OUT of control.
And think about how the doctor should have behaved if it had been YOU who he needed blood from. The doctor MUST NOT do anything without informed consent. OK, YOU probably understood so legally the doctor had covered his rear. But from your son's point of view - HE was not informed. And morally, he should have been.
Sometimes adults forget just how bad fear can feel, to a child. And a blood draw, for a child - it's often more painful, more unpleasant, because their veins are smaller and they don't have the prior experience to know what to do.
I wasn't a difficult child, but I remember my mother taking me as a child to get a vaccination. I would have been about ten years old. I knew I had to have a shot and was very nervous, almost crying. My mother was not someone prone to pandering to any childish fears, she was quite capable of forcing the issue; but she didn't. Back then, back in the days when children really WERE "seen and not heard", the doctor followed my mother's lead and allowed me to be informed and carefully prepared for the ordeal.
My mother also had to have a shot. She rolled up her sleeve and put her hand on her hip. She showed me how to hold still, and how to breathe slowly while keeping still. "It feels a little like a mosquito bite," she told me. "Only it won't itch later on. And you need it, to make sure you stay well."
I watched while my mother stood, smiling, and breathing slowly while the doctor injected her arm. Then she showed me her arm - the tiny dot of blood showed me how small the needle really was. Then she rolled her sleeve back down.
My turn. I tried to be brave, I put my hand on my hip. But it stung a lot - so I breathed. Before I could raise a loud protest, it was over. I had shed a few tears but nothing more. My mother gave me a hug and told the doctor, "I said she was a brave, sensible girl."
Getting a shot is far more painful than getting a blood draw. Sometimes the child needs to know this, before a blood draw. A shot uses a smaller needle and still it stings. Surely (in the child's mind) the blood draw, with the thicker needle, will hurt even more?
There are several reasons why not.
First, a blood draw is taking blood OUT of the body, and via a vein. A shot is forcing some fluid INTO the body, usually into the muscle. There is no space the fluid is going into, so it has to be pushed into the tissues. The fluid has to press on other bits in there, it's like forcing a pebble into your muscle. It is going to feel bruised, at best.
Second, simple fluid dynamics means tat a smaller bore needle is going to produce higher pressure at its outlet. Think of the old 'flit' guns used for insect spray - the tiny hole at the end of the long cylinder works by forcing fluid through a tiny hole, and it comes out with a lot of pressure, enough to spread aerosol around the room. husband has learned, and I have also put into practice, the principle that if you have to have a shot, especially a large volume shot, it will hurt far LESS if a thicker needle is used. So instead of the hair-thin 25g needle they use for a shot, we both now ask for a 21g or thicker. It hurts less and also leaves less of a bruised feeling afterwards.
I've seen both methods - first, force it on the child because it has to be done; or second, take a bit longer, explain it to the child, and get him to understand WHY it has to be done and to feel some ownership in what is happening to his own body. And for longer-term success - I will go for informing the child, every time.
Marg
For future reference - the child's fear is real. he isn't trying to be difficult or naughty, he is panicked. He doesn't have the knowledge or experience we have, and especially in this situation he was totally out of control and totally unconsidered by the doctor or the nurse. They both sounded very unfeeling and the doctor's remark certainly wouldn't have helped.
Your older son crying would have set off the younger one, too. Be prepared for needle phobia there as well, later on (I hope it doesn't happen though).
I do not blame your older son one little bit. If the blood draw was at all successful, I think he earned the reward.
For future reference - he needs a doctor who will either explain things to him, or give him time to come to terms with what has to be done, or both. Springing it on him at the last minute, forcing him physically or bullying him into it - it will make the problems worse next time, not better.
Our kids need to feel more in control. Or at least, less OUT of control.
And think about how the doctor should have behaved if it had been YOU who he needed blood from. The doctor MUST NOT do anything without informed consent. OK, YOU probably understood so legally the doctor had covered his rear. But from your son's point of view - HE was not informed. And morally, he should have been.
Sometimes adults forget just how bad fear can feel, to a child. And a blood draw, for a child - it's often more painful, more unpleasant, because their veins are smaller and they don't have the prior experience to know what to do.
I wasn't a difficult child, but I remember my mother taking me as a child to get a vaccination. I would have been about ten years old. I knew I had to have a shot and was very nervous, almost crying. My mother was not someone prone to pandering to any childish fears, she was quite capable of forcing the issue; but she didn't. Back then, back in the days when children really WERE "seen and not heard", the doctor followed my mother's lead and allowed me to be informed and carefully prepared for the ordeal.
My mother also had to have a shot. She rolled up her sleeve and put her hand on her hip. She showed me how to hold still, and how to breathe slowly while keeping still. "It feels a little like a mosquito bite," she told me. "Only it won't itch later on. And you need it, to make sure you stay well."
I watched while my mother stood, smiling, and breathing slowly while the doctor injected her arm. Then she showed me her arm - the tiny dot of blood showed me how small the needle really was. Then she rolled her sleeve back down.
My turn. I tried to be brave, I put my hand on my hip. But it stung a lot - so I breathed. Before I could raise a loud protest, it was over. I had shed a few tears but nothing more. My mother gave me a hug and told the doctor, "I said she was a brave, sensible girl."
Getting a shot is far more painful than getting a blood draw. Sometimes the child needs to know this, before a blood draw. A shot uses a smaller needle and still it stings. Surely (in the child's mind) the blood draw, with the thicker needle, will hurt even more?
There are several reasons why not.
First, a blood draw is taking blood OUT of the body, and via a vein. A shot is forcing some fluid INTO the body, usually into the muscle. There is no space the fluid is going into, so it has to be pushed into the tissues. The fluid has to press on other bits in there, it's like forcing a pebble into your muscle. It is going to feel bruised, at best.
Second, simple fluid dynamics means tat a smaller bore needle is going to produce higher pressure at its outlet. Think of the old 'flit' guns used for insect spray - the tiny hole at the end of the long cylinder works by forcing fluid through a tiny hole, and it comes out with a lot of pressure, enough to spread aerosol around the room. husband has learned, and I have also put into practice, the principle that if you have to have a shot, especially a large volume shot, it will hurt far LESS if a thicker needle is used. So instead of the hair-thin 25g needle they use for a shot, we both now ask for a 21g or thicker. It hurts less and also leaves less of a bruised feeling afterwards.
I've seen both methods - first, force it on the child because it has to be done; or second, take a bit longer, explain it to the child, and get him to understand WHY it has to be done and to feel some ownership in what is happening to his own body. And for longer-term success - I will go for informing the child, every time.
Marg
