How to take control of my circumstances and my destiny.

[Jabberwockey]

And while each statement made sense in itself, I could not put them together into a sense of what I could say that would work. That they would hear. That I could say, and not accuse them

I'm sorry, but accuse them! The fact of the matter is that its THEIR screwed up policies and attitudes mucking up the works. Sometimes you have to piss them off to get their attention.

I had a situation once where I had been written up for disobeying an order that was NEVER given. I filed a grievance. Even though policy states that retaliation isn't supposed to happen, HUGE surprise, the Sergeant retaliated. Wrote me up multiple times for petty little reasons. You know, the stuff that EVERYBODY does or doesn't do ALL the time but its ignored until they need it. Anyway, when I got to the Warden's office with my grievance I was told, in no uncertain terms, that right or wrong he was backing his supervisors. Not long afterwards, for unrelated reasons, the Department decided that they needed to teach us how to behave ethically and made up Code of Conduct cards we were supposed to carry with us. Well, I checked in with the Shift Commander that afternoon, he gave me the card, I signed for it, then I threw it in the trash and started to walk away. He told me I needed to keep the card on me. I asked why. He stated that in case I needed guidance on how to behave ethically, I could consult the card. My response? "The day the people that run this place can teach me ANYTHING about behaving ethically is the day I need a bullet in my effing head!" He said "You HAVE to keep it on you". I picked it up and put it in my pocket. He didn't speak to me again for almost a month! Even though he was pissed at me, he knew I was right.

So quickly, like a poisonous asp, I responded: Fine. I am prepared to give notice. We will now transition to that topic. I have had a stellar career and I will not put that in the balance.

Good girl!! A bully will only bully you when YOU let them!

You know what I feel like now? They cannot touch me now. The place cannot touch me. What can they do? Tell me to leave? So what? As far as I am concerned, what I was meant to learn and could learn I have.

And because of that YOU now have the power in the relationship. Just remember that they need you MUCH more than you need them.

So after 20 years they began to see that they did not have all of the power--the Feds could bust them. And what has happened? They got arrogant with healthcare providers--the same attitude--and nobody will work for them. And still? They cannot get it through their heads that they are not absolute monarchs.

Yeah, welcome to Corrections! That's a huge part of the problem with Corrections nation wide. All too many people who work in it forget that their power extends only to the offenders and those under their direct supervision. They forget that other people have power too and more often than not, more than they do.

CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!!!

 

[Copabanana]

retaliation

This does not bother me as much as this:

right or wrong he was backing his supervisors.

First, while retaliation is annoying. It is easy to keep front and center just exactly what and who the person his who behaves this way (fill in the blanks, please__.)

But the latter, backing really bad behavior, abusive behavior, unethical or illegal behavior--really, really gets to me. I had a co-worker (and friend) who was wonderful in all ways. Highly competent. Worthy of a great deal of respect and admiration. A really wonderful person. We trusted each other and were nearly inseparable on the job. She is so good she is now Chief of my department over many, many people at the prison where we worked once together.

And a co-worker who was acting as a supervisor ( and connected to a higher up--maybe romantically) attempted to coerce me to do something unethical to a patient (this was maybe 8 years ago, not recently). I refused. And then she began to bully me. She deliberately verbally insulted me in front of this woman--my friend. And I called her on it. I said: "what is it that makes you feel that you have a right to treat me that way."

Just that. The friend began to look afraid. The other young woman began to criticize me verbally, making herself look like an idiot and stupid--telling me about my flaws in her mind--mind you she was not my supervisor and had no authority over me what so ever. She lost her power completely, by how she acted. I just watched.

I got checked. * I think what was intolerable to my friend was that the abusive woman lost her power and looked the fool. And I had to get checked because I was held responsible--or maybe because I saw it.

My friend came to me and said that because of her priorities and her alliances, she had to stand by the woman. That she could not support me but she had to back up the other woman.

I never felt the same way about the woman who is now chief. My caring was the same, but my respect was much diminished and my trust reduced. I never worked with her again. I could go work for her now--she would want that--but I will not.

The bully eventually got walked out of the institution because her and a co-worker had been abusing patients in a Level IV adseg.

I can see not intervening in a dispute, or showing favoritism. But she had seen what had happened.

What did my friend gain? How did she win by her choice? In what way could she have seen this as to her benefit? Was it all about protecting important alliances so she would promote?

Thank you Jabber.

 

[Jabberwockey]

What did my friend gain? How did she win by her choice? In what way could she have seen this as to her benefit? Was it all about protecting important alliances so she would promote?

Thats pretty much it. She was protecting alliances. A HUGE part of the reason I will probably never get any higher than I am now. I broke them a long time ago of asking my opinion when all they really wanted was support of their stupidity. I tell them the truth and it pisses them off to no end. Not my problem if they get butt hurt because someone tells them the truth.