He has always adored her but he has been hurt too many times from her empty promises and by her behaviour. He says he doesn't want her around but then says he misses her. I don't think it is that strange....she is 24 and he is 12.
It is the same for my son-he is 14, my two are 27 and 36. It is hard for them, watching their sibs go down the hole with drugs, they see every sordid bit of it, the lies and manipulation, broken promises.
I think in most ways they see through the ruse sooner and more so than we do. They are affected.
If she wants to quit she will go to a rehab and stay there and follow the rules. Then you can support her with all your heart.
This is true. She has to want to quit. She says she misses her old life, her family, then what you are doing is working Rosie, that is how you stay strong, it is working. At least she said as much. My two, do not admit that. They are still in the blaming stage.
she cant cope any longer without the support of her family. We told her again that we would support her going to rehab, to get help,,,,but we wont support anything else.
This is good Rosie, a good sign, I think if she can say this to you, even if it is a ploy for money, at least
she can say the words. Maybe it will sink in to her heart and head.
How do I stay strong for my family?
You stay strong by switching your focus.Your daughter is an adult, you have done your parenting. She is going off the rails with drugs and this is her choice for now. It serves no purpose for you to self destruct along with her.
Turn your focus to taking care of yourself, your boy and your husband. Become a close knit unit. Find things to keep busy, especially for your boy. He is at that tender age, soon to be a teen.
My son is active in band and sports, this keeps us very busy. But, you have to be able to do things for YOU. It is so important to maintain a sense of self. Oftentimes we lose this in the years of caring for our children. When they start to make bad choices, we go into mother protect mode and try anything and everything to save them. This is when things with us can start to go haywire, because protect mode is a role, it is not real. It is not realistic to think that we can prevent our adult children from making bad choices. We have no control over them.
What we do have control over, is ourselves. You are doing a good job here Rosie, it doesn't feel good, but it is right.
Focusing on having control over ourselves and our own choices, points to us working hard to keep strong and determined. Keep posting, that helps, the more I post, the stronger I feel. I also understand that the choices I make concerning my two, are very important because my son, is learning from them. He is learning that no one has the right to tread all over anyone.
He is learning that if he decides to make bad choices, it will not be condoned or supported by his parents.
Looking at my son, has forced me to be stronger, to stand up.
Because if I don't stand up to his older sibs and say "NO, I will not allow this in my home" I am not only subjecting him to the horrors of their drug use, I am teaching him that it is acceptable.
When I feel like I am back sliding, I focus on my son. Then I know too, that I have more work to do to build myself up.
Most importantly, I gave my two and my grands over to God. It is too much for me to handle. If I find myself thinking of them, I say a quick prayer. This has helped me to stop all of the what ifs and how, when, whys, that spin into pining and fretting and worrying about them. It is a useless exercise and waste of time, because in the long run, they will still do as they wish.
You are strong Rosie, you are doing incredibly well. Keep building yourself up and filling your toolbox.
Look at your son and give him lots and lots of big hugs. HE is the one who deserves and needs your parenting!
Take good care and be very kind to yourself.
(((HUGS)))
leafy
